moving slow or blowing me off?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
moving slow or blowing me off?
22
Wed, 07-29-2009 - 11:57am

Long story short...met a guy on line, we had first date, went really, really well. He asked me out for the second date that night. Second date we went to a flea market, then he asked to take me for a ride for a while, then he asked me to go to brunch, then he asked me to look at a neighborhood he wanted to buy a house in. All the while, I kept expecting the date to stop at the end of each "activity", but he kept extending it. Finished with 20 minutes of smooching, then I went home. He followed it up the next day with two emails telling me about his day.

Then...nothing. I responded to his emails, then heard nothing. I sent a text saying "Lets get together", he responded apologizing for no response, saying he was busy that coming weekend but he was definitely up for getting together again.

Then nothing. So I sent another email the next Sunday, chatty and breezy, just suggesting we get together again. He sends back an email giving me a few days to work with, I send him a response...

Then...no response. So I text him a couple days later, saying "Well, you said maybe Tuesday, but here it is Tuesday, so I'm guessing that's out, how about Thursday?" He responds, we make a date. Get together, it's great, like hanging out with my oldest friends. He drives me to my car (only a block away), 20 more smooching minutes, a text saying that he enjoys my company.

Then I went out of town for the weekend. I sent an e-mail Sunday morning, again chatty and breezy, but suggesting we get together again. He replies Monday night, suggesting maybe Thursday, but that might not work because he might go see his daughter. I sent an email back on Tuesday morning, saying let me know about Thursday, but here it is Weds. afternoon and I haven't heard back.

OK, I guess that wasn't so short. Here's the question ladies and gents, fire away with your responses...

If he appears to be having a good time, if he responds to emails, but not in a particularly timely manner, doesn't outright reject getting together, but doesn't make much of an attempt to do so, tells me he likes my company and enjoys spending time with me, is happy to make out (no funny business yet, though)...what's the deal? He's got some major things going on in his life, his job is truly busy, tells me specifically why he is busy...is he just moving slow or am I that thick that I'm not seeing something?

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2004
Wed, 07-29-2009 - 12:37pm
In my experience if they are interested in seeing you again, they will do the asking! I guess I would wait to see what his next move is, without you suggesting to get together or emailing him asking him what the plan is. I have been on a great dates, one and two, and then nothing. I have learned to just enjoy things as they are, a great date and to not get too far ahead of myself.. If he is sincere and truly interested he will make the move! I hope it works out for you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2009
Wed, 07-29-2009 - 12:57pm

>>Then nothing. So I sent another email the next Sunday, chatty and breezy, just suggesting we get together again. He sends back an email giving me a few days to work with, I send him a response...


Then...no response. So I text him a couple days later, <<


to startover96:


You ask “what’s the deal?”


Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-29-2009 - 9:07pm

I agree, if he's interested, he'll ask you out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Wed, 07-29-2009 - 11:17pm

Yeah, I think I know what you mean. What continues to frustrate me is meeting men who tell me how important it is (as in, I think, "this has been done to me and I don't like it") for people to be honest and not just disappear. And yet...they turn around and do it! They want to be treated with respect...and yet they can't just do the right thing and send a quick email saying they aren't feeling it.

I am getting very disheartened that I keep meeting people, I have a nice time and then they just disappear. When will it ever be my turn to have someone be nuts about me? I spent 18 years in a marriage to a man who told me he had never loved me. The constant 'rejection' by these dates is very, very depressing.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-29-2009 - 11:44pm

Yeah, well if I've learned nothing else in my life it's that people do not do what they say they are going to or live by the principles they say they have.


It is hard to stay positive when you encounter multiple disappointments, but I've gotten a lot better at not taking it personally, which helps.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2009
Thu, 07-30-2009 - 6:57am

I hate that. If they arent interested, then dont ACT interested when together!

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Thu, 07-30-2009 - 3:42pm

Actually, I did just that this morning! I know it goes against all the "rules", but I really feel strongly that if you treat me a certain way, it's NOT OK if it makes me feel bad.

I kept it really brief, but in a nutshell told him that I liked him very much, I understand he's busy, but I also understand that dating is a chance to decide if you want to be with someone, so we're all grown-ups here and if you've moved on no harm, no foul.

But I also said that I deserve the respect of getting an answer to an email I sent Tuesday morning, responding to HIS email from Monday about possibly getting together on Thursday. So now here it is Thursday, I've heard nothing, and it doesn't feel so good to be left hanging wondering if I said or did something wrong, if he got into a car crash, or if he moved on.

The guy knows I have kids and that I can't always wait until the last minute

When I think more about it, I think he's a lazy dater, but if he's going to treat me this way early on in the game, heaven knows what would happen several weeks from now. I will accept a lot of crappy behavior in the name of "being cool" about dating, but I will not tolerate being ignored, when a quick e-mail (the guy is totally attached to his i-Phone...no excuse that he can't get a minute to send an e-mail when his e-mail is on his body!)to say either "I'm busy", or "I've moved on" takes about 30 seconds to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2005
Fri, 07-31-2009 - 1:14am

This has been said here time and time again: you have to have a thick skin to do OLD.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2009
Fri, 07-31-2009 - 11:41am

Since you’re stuck on him sending you a formal notice/announcement

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Fri, 07-31-2009 - 3:03pm

Can't get rid of that ole CL so I'm just going to plunge in...

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, the ole mixed-message guy. Yup, am acquainted with 'em. Who knows what's in the minds of guys who either don't know what they want or coast on your leading them through the dating jungle.

And who cares? I mean really. Trying to convince myself, too, that I don't care. I don't get paid for analyzing the guys I date. Or the guys you're dating for that matter.

This seems like a classic case of actions not matching words.

Besides, I saw HJNTIY on the plane coming home. Look, I'm not going to invoke that whole philosophy/logic here cuz we're all intimately familiar with it. Still, my observation is that you're doing far too much of the dating drudgery, the asking, the follow-up. Do you really want to fill in the gaps?

Let him move slowly. Meanwhile, get busy.

See if he calls you the next time.

Pages