Mr. iffy!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2005
Mr. iffy!
6
Wed, 03-01-2006 - 12:20pm

Mr. iffy changed his mind again! He was supposed to call me last night (Tuesday) to confirm the BBQ date at his house for tonight. No calls at all until I came home and found an email from him, saying that he is in "that state" again. (He is having some physical pain with his legs and is getting ready for surgery.) Apparently that was also the reason he used for this past weekend for canceling our movie date. Anyways, he offered to meet for coffee around my place later in the evening.

I was so inclined to just write him off, but at the same time I thought if he really was in pain (I've seen him massaging his legs to relieve pain when we were on dates), I ought to be understanding enough, cooking for someone when you are not feeling well is not fun. Either way, I thought I'll have nothing to lose going to coffee with him tonight. I am still upset about the whole thing though. He basically cancelled on me twice in a roll in only six days!

I want to have a talk with him, but I'm having trouble putting my thoughts together say the right things without being too intense. Any advice please?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
In reply to: bigidig
Wed, 03-01-2006 - 12:31pm
Just tell him you think he is a lovely person but you are having some reservations regarding these frequent cancellations. Then let him respond.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: bigidig
Wed, 03-01-2006 - 1:29pm

If I'm reading your post right, he's not cancelling, he's just changing the plan. I'd cut him some slack on that.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2005
In reply to: bigidig
Wed, 03-01-2006 - 2:49pm

Yeah Sheri, he is just changing his plan. However he seems to change his mind a lot this early on! Also, from inviting me to his house (step forward) to a coffee date outside (step backward) is really confusing to me. I know I've been getting advices here about not taking this seriously, and I am trying not to. The thing is every time I get ready to Next him, he comes towards me and makes me feel that he is decent; then when I am back on track, he is all iffy again. And the problem is that he has a good excuse for all of this, his legs! I am a sympathetic person and I tend to feel for people that have health problems.

I think a serious talk with him is too early at this point, but I'm not sure what the right thing to do either, since I do want to get my points across somehow!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: bigidig
Wed, 03-01-2006 - 3:03pm

Well, but if you don't let him know this bugs you now, it will probably only get worse in the future. Yes, some big, huge, serious talk would be too much after a couple dates, but you should say something along the lines of what chamey suggested. It can be light but if it does bug you, you can say something along the lines of that with your schedule, you need a little more notice of cancelations and plans - it's hard for you at the last minute to switch gears. Or if it's not a schedule but more of a personal preference thing, that's fine too.

But don't let it slide. He could learn that you are "too" available and easy going and wind up taking advantage of it.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: bigidig
Wed, 03-01-2006 - 3:06pm

I would just continue to see him and observe his behavior over the next few weeks (assuming he continues to call and ask you out). I don't think a talk is really necessary or appropriate at this time. I would also be emailing and meeting other people though, in the meantime.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2005
In reply to: bigidig
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 12:33am

Just had the date with him. He came right on time, which made me happy. I was thinking about what to say to him all day today, so I was actually nervous when he showed up. When I got in his car, he asked if I had dinner. I was surprised because I thought it was just going to be a coffee date, and I ate already. So I told him I had dinner already. He asked what did I eat, and I said some pork that I made, and asked him (kind of jokingly) if he wanted some.
He said "yes", which was another surprise, but then quickly "no, I'm just kidding, you don't have to feed me." Then I insisted (I honestly don't have any idea why I did that at the moment)! So he said okay. Then we went in to my place, and I started preparing something for him, and then I put on a movie (which is about 2 and half hour long) for him to watch. Again, I don't know why I did that, and started to regret it right away! So he ate, we watched the movie that I've seen more than a dozen times. I was so upset at myself that I sat really far from him on a single chair. Then the movie was getting kind of long so he had to leave before it ended. We tried to small talk a little after the movie, but we were both so awkward that it didn't go anywhere....
So I didn't accomplish anything I had planned, and I feel worse than before. I can't even guess what is on his mind right now.. ugh!

What happend to me? I just feel like I was never really myself with this guy, always behaving so compulsively, and always regreting after the fact... What is going on? I never really had this kind of experience with any guy before, can anyone explain this to me?