Mr. Touchy-Feely
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| Mon, 02-27-2006 - 12:20am |
So I went out with Teacher Guy again today. I think it will be the last time. First, his friends were nice and pretty cool, but we got to the open house his friend was having for her business about 3. It was supposed to be over at 5 and dinner at 6-ish. We went to dinner at 8:30. He lives in a town about 30 minutes from where I live. By the time we got to the restaurant and got seated, it was after 9 which was pretty much the time I had planned to be home. By this time, I am tired, hungry and sore from my yoga class this morning and getting more of each by the minute. And I'll say it, starting to get cranky. Maybe I'm high maintenance, but oh well.
On top of all that, around 7 or so, he started getting really, REALLY touchy-feely - putting his arm around me, holding my hand, stroking my back, putting his hand on my knee... you name it, he's doing it. It's making any chemistry I felt begin to drift off. I am uncomfortable with it, but how can you SAY that? When I like someone, I am OK with the touchy stuff and even welcome it, but by this time, I am so not into it with him. I went into it thinking I might kiss him tonight, but by the time I got to my car at 10:15 and was thinking about the drive home and the extremely long evening, it wasn't gonna happen.
I feel a little bad because his friends were nice and he gave me a card and his friend's business is raising orchids and she and he gave me one that I liked. I'd like to thank her again for it, but I just don't know that I can go out with him again. Maybe after sleeping on it, I'll be OK, but wow, was it a long night.

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Well, I'm more undecided today. I just don't know. He did say several times, "do you just want to go and they can meet us there?" But every time, it seemed like it was just going to be a "few more minutes" that turned into an hour and a half (I was OK until about 7 when dinner was an hour late and he was getting WAY too touchy-feely). He sent an email last night and he is going out of town for a couple days where cell-phone coverage is spotty. He said he'd try to call while he's gone but would definitely call when he gets back.
I guess I'm being wishy-washy because for about 80% of the evening, I had a good time. He was nice and considerate, his friends were fun (it was a group of couples, most unmarried and one that had just started dating - but you sure couldn't tell that!). He wrote an email last night saying that he was glad I had gone and that he liked me and simply liked showing affection to people he liked. However, he asked if he could make me dinner at his house next time and I KNOW I am not comfortable with that yet (I'm afraid he'd jump me or something) so I definitely wouldn't want to go that route for next time given that I might or might not go out with him again.
Well, I guess I have a couple days to think on it, but does anyone have any advice? I'm torn here.
Hi Vexer,
I would probably give this dude another chance. Your negative feelings towards him might have been amplified by your being exhausted, hungry, and disappointed about how the evening went. He might've been inconsiderate keeping you waiting for that long, but honestly, he did ask you if you'd like to leave first. I've learned from many of my guy friends that a lot of will take a woman's words for what she really means. They're just not great mind-readers. ;) It seems that he was clueless that you were 1. just being polite and 2. not in the mood for all that touchy-feely stuff. All that aside, he sounds like a pretty nice guy. Why not have a real date somewhere else and see how it goes? There is nothing to lose, right?
I'd be inclined to blow him off - nothing turns me off like a guy touching me when I'm not into him - but I'd advise you to give him another chance. :-) You admitted you were tired and hungry and sore, and I know I could be with the best guy in the world and I'd hate his guts if I was hungry. Every little thing starts to annoy me.
I think you're right in skipping the dinner at his house, and maybe even an entire dinner isn't necessary, just a quick drink so you can revaluate everything and see if you come to the same conclusion.
Just curious, you said you met this guy on CL?
Yes, this is a CL guy. So far the best of the bunch. There's one more that's interesting but unfortunately only spends a week or two a month in Dallas. He said he's moving, but I'm not sure I believe him. I started with another one today and when I asked him for a picture, he glossed over that without answering but described himself. Not a good sign.
Back to Teacher Guy - I do think it was a lot the hunger and tiredness talking. I knew it would be a "longer" date, but I was thinking 4 hours or so, not 7. It was too long:
1) for a Sunday night when that's my "decompression" night where I get a few things done at the house, watch Grey's Anatomy and veg before I start my week
2) for spending time with a group of people that while fun, I hardly know
3) for spending with a guy on a second meet/first actual date
4) considering I was the only one that had a 30 minute drive ahead of me
I guess I may be open to seeing him again, but I would definitely NOT go to his house for dinner. I think I may need to simply say that I am a person that needs to take things slower and that the first two meets - a 4 hour one and then the marathon 7 hour (8 with drive time) were a little too much too fast as is dinner at his house. We did a drink the first time so I am OK with dinner, but just not at his house. Besides, I think a public dinner at a restaurant would actually give me a firmer end time as we'd eat and be done. Drinks can go on for a while unless you put an end to it, especially in Dallas where they'll just keep bringing them to you practically until you tell them to stop.
I guess I have a couple days off from him to think about things. Last night he was asking me what I was doing today and tomorrow! Luckily they are busy work days so I had that excuse - a little too much too soon for me. It either needs to slow down or it's gonna come to a screeching halt.
I remember seeing a few teachers on CL, that's why I ask. :-)
That's true about drinks vs. dinner - although I've been on a few dinners where the guy drags coffee out FOREVER. Not cool. Whatever happened to just meeting, getting a feel for the other person, and moving on?
He does sound like he's a little too clingy, though...
Vex, I agree with the posters who say you should give him another chance. About the touchy-feely stuff -- could it be that he sensed you were getting tired and it was dragging and he was trying to be reassuring or convey that he understood how you felt? Many men have been conditioned to think women LIKE the touchy-feely stuff, and we have to tell them outright when we don't. Aside from that it sounds like a really nice time, and there's the really positive factor that he has friends who seem to be good people. I do think we can tell a lot about a person by their friends.
I had a very interesting weekend myself...will post separately.
Sposa
OK, you had an 80% good time on the date, which is considerably better than what it could have been. I think you have to look at the circumstances of the evening and decide what was within your/his control and what was not controllable (like the dinner being so terribly late). I personally don't like to eat my evening meal past 6:00 pm. When I'm working my second job, I always eat between 5:00-6:00 because that's the only time I have. I have had some evenings when (for whatever reason), I didn't get to eat until very late--usually beyond my control, and I have found that when my blood sugar level drops, I can get VERY irritated about everything. I'm wondering if that was partly the reason you had second thoughts about even going out with him again--because you just felt crappy, were tired, and hungry.
I also don't want a guy who is too touchy-feely, especially in the beginning. I want someone a bit more cautious and who can read my body language a bit better. I'm guessing you didn't act pleased when he put his hands on you. However, if you enjoyed his conversation and you didn't find him repulsive, maybe consider giving him another shot. The next date would surely be better--maybe you can casually mention that you get ill if you eat dinner too late in the evening. That is the line I use whenever even my friends want to eat dinner a lot later than I normally do. I don't function well if I'm starved.
Keep us posted as to what you decide. :)
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