Mr. Touchy-Feely

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Mr. Touchy-Feely
26
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 12:20am

So I went out with Teacher Guy again today. I think it will be the last time. First, his friends were nice and pretty cool, but we got to the open house his friend was having for her business about 3. It was supposed to be over at 5 and dinner at 6-ish. We went to dinner at 8:30. He lives in a town about 30 minutes from where I live. By the time we got to the restaurant and got seated, it was after 9 which was pretty much the time I had planned to be home. By this time, I am tired, hungry and sore from my yoga class this morning and getting more of each by the minute. And I'll say it, starting to get cranky. Maybe I'm high maintenance, but oh well.

On top of all that, around 7 or so, he started getting really, REALLY touchy-feely - putting his arm around me, holding my hand, stroking my back, putting his hand on my knee... you name it, he's doing it. It's making any chemistry I felt begin to drift off. I am uncomfortable with it, but how can you SAY that? When I like someone, I am OK with the touchy stuff and even welcome it, but by this time, I am so not into it with him. I went into it thinking I might kiss him tonight, but by the time I got to my car at 10:15 and was thinking about the drive home and the extremely long evening, it wasn't gonna happen.

I feel a little bad because his friends were nice and he gave me a card and his friend's business is raising orchids and she and he gave me one that I liked. I'd like to thank her again for it, but I just don't know that I can go out with him again. Maybe after sleeping on it, I'll be OK, but wow, was it a long night.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
In reply to: vexer_hw
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 12:20pm

Hey vexer,

You really don't have anything to lose and much to gain by going out with this guy again and doing it on your terms. He sounds like a pretty decent guy though somewhat impulsive. Perhaps you could come up with a place you might like to go to dinner next time.

I had a similar situation a couple of months ago with a guy (from CL) who wanted me to come over to his place to watch a movie on the 3rd date. I'd initially agreed because he sort of caught me off guard. With a couple of days to think on it, I came up with an alternate plan when he called to see if we were still on. I said something like "sure, but listen I thought we could go see '24 Hours on Craigslist' instead". He was cool with that. It was pretty ironic because the movie was a documentary about people who buy, sell & meet on CL, which we did.

Should he gets all handsy the next time, be prepared and find a tactful way of conveying what your boundaries are...prefacing it with something along the lines of "I like you and would like to continue seeing you but my comfort level with physical affection takes a bit more time." Sounds totally clinical & uptight but thats the idea. I'm sure you'll come up with something much more vexer. Keeping a sense of humor about it will soften the sting.

Hope this helps.
Michele

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
In reply to: vexer_hw
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 2:38pm
I'm usually only a lurker, but how many times have you been out with him and you haven't kissed him yet? How many dates do you usually have with someone before you kiss them?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: vexer_hw
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 2:58pm
I've met him once (first meet to me is NOT a date) and this was the first actual "date". I don't have a set rule, I kiss someone when I feel comfortable enough with them to kiss them. My last b/f and I knew each other through friends first and made out in his car for half an hour on our first date. I don't feel comfortable enough with Mr. Handsy to kiss him yet. I'm not a prude, I'd just rather not waste it kissing someone that I'm not feeling it for. To me, it's better to be selective than to suck face with someone I may not want to see again.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
In reply to: vexer_hw
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 3:37pm
Just wondering because I don't want to continue to go on dates with someone that's a lousy kisser so I need to know by the end of the 2nd date.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: vexer_hw
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 4:24pm

I don't want to be with a lousy kisser either - kissing is very important to me. But this was only the first "date" to me. I could tell after the FIRST MEET, he was thinking about it. If he'd tried to kiss me on the first meet, I would have nexted him. That's really presumptuous in my mind. But he read the signs it wasn't gonna happen that night.

Also, now that I'm not a kid any more, I prefer to kind of know the person before sucking face. Like I said, if I can tell it's not going anywhere from a couple of meets/conversations, I'd rather not waste my time kissing them either.

Lastly, I said at the beginning of the date, I was considering if I'd kiss him, but by the end of the night 8.5 hours after I'd left home when I was exhausted, pawed, had a 30 minute drive home and had planned to have been home watching my favorite show - I was so NOT into kissing him that it wouldn't have happened anyway.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
In reply to: vexer_hw
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 6:07pm

Yeah, but you can teach how to kiss well (it's true!).

Honestly, I'd be ok with a quick kiss even if I didn't feel the chemistry, call it an occupational hazard of dating, sometimes you've got to kiss guys you don't want to at the end of the night - but I wouldn't be ok with him being touchy feely ALL night. Vexer, I LOVE how you call it pawing!

I think that was a huge run on....




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