My Lesson from Online Dating

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2004
My Lesson from Online Dating
30
Sat, 03-10-2007 - 10:44am
Well, I definitely learned a big lesson about my recent online dating experience. I am a lurker on this board and love reading people's experiences about online dating. I finally realized that I need to start applying the guidelines I see here to my own experiences. I met a guy on match.com and we emailed every couple days for about two and half weeks. I loved reading his emails because he has a way with words. I could tell that he was mature, caring, had a big heart, etc. His profile definitely listed the qualities that I was looking for in someone. Then we switched to talking on the phone. Our first conversation was almost 5 hours long and he continued to call me everyday until we met for a date in person. He had told me in the beginning that he was going to be a father in June. I didn't view it as a dealbreaker because I liked the fact that he was honest with me and he and the other woman were going to be mature adults about the situation raising this baby together. I really liked him as a person and wanted to get to know him better. Then I meet him in person and his pictures were totally deceiving! We went to a restaurant and I ended up staying for two hours. I found out during dinner that his baby's mamma is his next door neighbor. That probably shouldn't bother me, but if I was seriously dating this guy I would feel weird having his baby's mamma next door. This guy ended up talking the whole time during dinner because he was nervous and just annoying me in the process. He wrote me an email after the date saying he hoped I had fun and it was a pleasure meeting me. I wrote him back the next day saying that I didn't think it was going to go any further. I didn't think his situation would be okay for me to get involved with. I am mad at myself for letting myself get so emotionally involved with a guy that I hadn't even met and then he turns out to be completely different in person. He sounded so good to be true and he really was. He made himself out to be this super sweet, caring, nice guy raised with morals and to respect women, but has a one night stand with his neighbor who gets pregnant! He is just a typical guy in my opinion. I need to approach online dating differently. I want to be on more than one website, talk to more than one guy, have short emails, I want to call and not give my number out, and not start to form my true opinion of someone until I meet them in person. I am also going to keep the first meeting to coffee in case I discover that I don't like someone in the first five minutes. This was only my second online date, but I feel like I was put through the ringer.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 4:06pm

I think letting the buttheads win would be a sad result, biochic. We need to hear about success stories!!! Don't let a bad apple or two ruin it for all of us.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 5:48pm

Please do not stop posting because of a few posters who seem to take pleasure in arguments. Your posts are meaningful and helpful to others. Please, please do not let that be ruined.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 5:51pm
Let's try the old "if you have nothing nice to say..." Posts like these are not helpful and serve no purpose. Maybe it's time to evaluate what sparks your posts. If you'd like to talk about it, let us know.
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 6:18pm

Great to hear about your success after years of being on OLD.

Do you have anything to add to hjntiy's list to attribute to your success? Was it just plain old persistence and luck?

Or some other tricks like changing pictures, profile wording, or...?

Curious daters want to know...

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 6:24pm
Thanks Kerry
The reason why I do post most of the time is to try to be of help to others because I have gone through a lot and done my fair share of venting in the past and want to give some experience, strength and hope and I don't do it to brag by any means. I have cut back because of some hurtful comments, not only to me but others and I'm pretty sensitive to that sometimes (one of my downfalls) so have to take breaks from the board. There are good people here and I realize this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 6:38pm
Understood. I just don't want you to run off because some folks are so unhappy that they have to try to bring others down. Keep me posted if you feel a post is out of line. You can always email me directly from my profile.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 6:57pm
Thanks Mark
I would have to say it was mainly persistance and of course a bit of luck thrown into the mix ;-). Just dating a lot and not giving up even if it meant being frustrated sometimes and being able to have an outlet to vent out the frustrations so that I could keep going. I tried to give myself dating breaks from time to time so I could focus on other things.
I made a mental list of things that were most important to me in a partner and I made note of the things I really liked about some guys that I dated vs the things that I definately didn't want with some. I didn't change my profile any even though a friend of mine suggested that I make it more short and sweet instead of long and serious, so it could bring out my sense of humor and playful side more. He told me to emphasize my good quailties but do it in a creative sort of way and not to be too wordy.
Another important thing is that I read the profiles carefully and made sure that there were things that stuck out, such as..... I was looking for someone who was genuine and kind and giving since to me this was most important. The guy I'm now with said that he was nice to a fault in his profile and loves to bring smiles to peoples faces by doing kind things. He also said that he's kind of shy at first but has a hidden sarcastic side when someone gets to know him. Which definately sounded like me. I specifically looked for things in common with personalities. Hope that helps some.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2003
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 7:40pm

Congratulations biochic. I really enjoy hearing success stories and tips from those that have been in the game and made it work for them.

I was happy to see you still posting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 8:32pm
thanks clber. How have things been going for you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2007
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 9:37pm
It's really sad that people took a sincere remark and turned it into some hateful attack. Maybe the OP is the one being cynical or secretly uncomfortable about her post and then projecting that on me. All I said was thanks for sharing and I hope you guys get married. I don't think "sensitive" begins to describe the OP's reaction; it was extreme and defensive, to say the least.