My man troubles...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
My man troubles...
Wed, 08-06-2003 - 2:56pm
Hey all - you might remember me posting about 100 years ago about my adventures in online dating - that one didn't work out (though everyone's advice was invaluable), and now I've got another situation in which your advice would be helpful. Actually, just writing it all out and thinking helps tremendously too... but your advice is greatly appreciated.

Met a man online - as friends only. He had a girlfriend at the time, and it never crossed my mind to be anything but friends... met him once about a month ago, and had a great time with him and the group of people we went out with. He and his girl broke up, and I invited him to a party being held by some friends, not thinking of a date, but thinking that he'd be fun to have along, and that he'd enjoy meeting new people (and maybe meet a nice girl for himself). As the evening progressed, we gravitated towards each other, and it hit me all of a sudden that I had feelings for him. It literally was like a train wreck happen in my head.

That night we spent the night at the party - partially because a little too much alcohol had been imbibed, and partially because it was just so late. We slept in each others arms, and I have never felt so blissful or safe. We met again a few days later for drinks and dinner - and I had another wonderful time.

The kink in everything, however, is that he moved away for a few months. He will be coming back to the area eventually, but in the meantime I'm struggling with my heart and my head. My head says that if things are meant to be, it will work out. That we will keep in touch, and resume what we've started when he gets back. My heart aches because I want to see him again, touch him again. And I'm afraid that I might lose him. And, I keep discounting my feelings because I keep telling myself that even though I've "known" him for several months now, we've only seen each other 3 times in person. And I don't know what he's thinking, and don't know how to approach him about it. Part of me is afraid I'm asking him for something he doesn't or can't give, and that if I do ask, he will pull away. And there's a little tiny voice in the back of my head that says to me, "What did you expect? You got into a messy situation - you knew it wouldn't be easy."

There. I already feel better for putting it down. Now any comments or advice would be appreciated. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Wed, 08-06-2003 - 3:04pm
Welcome to our board ! I am sorry you are struggling so much with this, but honey there is not a whole lot you can do to make it go any faster. Try and be patient. I know it is hard, when your heart tells you one thing and your head says another. Have you tried to ask him atleast how he is feeling now, about you and things? I mean, just ask where you two stand. Are you friends, or more? Have you told him how you feel for him at all?

I think you need to take some time to think about this, and see what you want. DO you want this man in your life, and if the answer is yes, then you should definitely tell him how you feel. What is the worst that can happen, you two will remain friends and he will stay where he is. You need to get this out and open, so he can have the chance to see how he feels about you.

You are sitting here rationalizing when you should be asking the acutal person. Let him in on this relationship you feel you two are beginning. Give him the chance to show you how he feels. I really hope you can talk with him. Any relationship is best to start out honestly. IF you feel afraid of his reaction you shouldnt. If he cares for you as you care for him, he will only feel the same or more. Give him a chance and see what he thinks about pursuing something more.

I hope things get better and I hope you can talk with him. That is the only solution I see working for you. Goodluck and please keep us posted.

Dont stay away so long next time, eh?? We love all the posters we can get here!!!


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-06-2003 - 4:04pm
Hi Gail,

Thank you for the advice... the next time I talk to him, I'll try to broach the subject.... I am just such a fraidy-cat with him because I think he's so special... I'll try to buck up and see what's what. :)