my match.com story
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| Mon, 05-29-2006 - 6:54pm |
Was reading some of the posts which were very good on their advice on waiting for six to eight weeks before sex and before commiting.
I came out of a bad marriage and after two years decided that yes I do want someone in my life. Went on match the end of December. Emailed a few guys but one stood out. Winked back and for then the awesome emails started. Their were so many and they depicted a man that had been burned before, was ready to go on and wanted a relationship. After being married to a man that was cold, this guys email swept me off my feet. First phone call was kind of odd,kind of depressed, he complained about money quite a bit, but I blamed it on nerves (should of known better), second phone call, again awesome, very up. We went out and he was captivated by me, so he said. Had sex on third date, I know bad girl, but I had been without forever. We became exclusive right away, taking profiles down. First two and a half months was so sweet. He was jeaulous but I took it as him caring as he never expressed his feelings.
Now here we are five months later and I have broken up with him. He started to change around the three month mark. Becoming much more controlling, physically proving to me that he had power over me yet not hitting me. Holding me by putting both of my wrists in his hand and putting me down on the floor, that kind of power. Sex was great and constant, I mean constant day and night, yet he had frequent problems with what I would call penile dysfunction, (in fact, found a hidden bottle of viagra right after break up), He became so hot and cold with his emotions it drove me crazy. His ex wife and her boyfriend that she had when she left him a constant thorn in his side. Anyways this guy has such a hold on me as I so wanted this to last and the fact that I lost my son five years ago, and became close with his kids. In fact, I gave them a goodby present and when I asked him if he told them he said "no we don't talk about that stuff its none of their business"! So I break up with him last Sunday and believe me it was hard as he was all over me, telling me that I didn't know how much he cared and so on. So stupid me calls him the next day and asks him if he was willing to compromise on some things like leaving me alone for four out of thirteen weekends while he went up north to his house. Well that hot and cold thing of his was running cold and all I got was I don't know. Fine, started the painful grieving process of missing him (or the him I though I knew) doing pretty good and then he calls me twice. Talk on the phone for 2 hours so sweet and nice, so like an idiot I go back up there saturday. started out hot and then he ended up cold. So I left at 6 am and hope not to hear from him.
So next time I will definitely wait for sex, not make a commitment with out knowing their feelings, and try not to get so wrapped up in the guy.
Tammy

I'm sorry to hear that he turned out to be an abusive jerk. I've found that it can take a good 3-4 months of dating before the "real" person starts to come out, so it doesn't surprise me that he started to change around the 3 month point.
Rather than "hoping" not to hear from him, why don't you take control of the situation and block him from contacting you?
Sheri
"I've found that it can take a good 3-4 months of dating before the "real" person starts to come out, so it doesn't surprise me that he started to change around the 3 month point."
Does that mean, we should be stringing it out for 3-4 months of IM's, & E-mails before we go for phone calls (numbers reveal so much with those reverse lookups) and face to face meetings, so we are meeting and becoming involved with
Oh, gosh, no, I meant 3-4 months from the time you start dating and getting to know someone in person. I don't think you can really "get to know" someone online so for me, nothing counts until you've met in person.
Sheri
No...
No way!?
I totally agree that it's not right to bring someone around your kids until you are sure they are going to have some kind of permanence and also that I am sure that it's very tough to date with kids, especially teenagers.
I think now back to little warning signs that I should have picked up on and ignored. I believe that you can't really get to know how a person will be through chat and email but it is nice at first to feel comfortable enough around them to meet them. This guy I fell for had the most awesome emails, full of everything I wanted to hear, I guess. Then when we met, he still was very good with his words buy yet, I think back to little anger outbursts which I ignored. We also started dating exclusively (sp?) way too soon. But, yet again, his attentiveness, his words, made me feel so happy after all those years of loneliness.
So as I sit here with my wrist still sore and my fingers a bit swollen, after he took my wrist and practically broke it right off over a stupid crossword puzzle, I am full of anger at him. I want so much to tell him how he deceived me and hurt me, yet I know that no contact with him is the best.
One more odd thing, I got quite close to his children and when I broke up with him and was stupid enough to go back to see him, I asked him if he told his kids that I wouldn't be around anymore. He says no Its none of their business. Is that strange or what? So I left them each little good by cards with just a note in their to tell them that I would miss them with a small gift to remember me by.
Didn't you press charges for assault or domestic violence?