my non-date

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
my non-date
12
Fri, 06-24-2005 - 12:52pm

well i realized last night why I left OLD - and got it re-affirmed last night.

i think its probably a lil of my area and the pool of guys and the fact online dating just isn't for me (i just had to try it one last time)....

this guy i met up wtih last night. great substance in his profile. ok looking. older but i figured why not?! well, he isn't exactly my type physically but i'm trying to not be picky in that arena anymore. as our conversation flowed - we get into the future talk. It was more casual chit-chat. In so many words he says bachelor for life. I had had the hunch before we met - and i got it re-affirmed. I told him its not a bad thing but he seemed totally disillusioned after some woman dumped him because he didnt want to settle down and have a family in the near future (keep in mind hes 36). I told him, well women kind of know what they want at this pt in their lives - if they dont see a future and thats what they are looking for - they leave. Why would they stay? He did not get it. And he didnt realize if he wanted to start a family he shoudl do it soon. He kept saying well maybe ten years from now (uh yeah that would make him 46 or so).

Hes just totally warped in the relationship zone.

The expectations were low and I was still disappointed. Im definetly staying off the online thng. Ah well i gave it a try.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004
In reply to: surfergirl77
Fri, 06-24-2005 - 1:08pm

Don't feel bad, my recent go with Match after moving to Chicago proved to be really really dissapointing. The first guy was 34 and told me he'd had 12 serious girlfriends since he was 21, he said he would date a woman for a year and then get bored and he went from one right to the other. He also said this time in his life he wanted to date around and nothing serious because he'd done that when he was younger. He also asked me a lot of personal questions right away. He also told me he sold fake designer handbags that he got from China.

I didn't call him back.

The last one had a good personality but I think he'd put up only the good pictures of himself. He was cute in his pictures but rather dissapointing in real life and I felt no sparks.

No thanks. At least we can find some humor in it :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
In reply to: surfergirl77
Fri, 06-24-2005 - 1:45pm

Correct me if I’m wrong but you need to really READ their profiles more carefully before selecting whom you’ll meet out. It sounds like you could avoid these waste less dates???


 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004
In reply to: surfergirl77
Fri, 06-24-2005 - 2:00pm

That would be true except some guys are dishonest and know what women want to hear so they plop it in their profiles. A guy who says in his profile that he's had 12 girlfriends in almost as many years probably wouldn't get as many replies. His profile said he was wanting a relationship when in fact he did just want a good time. We didn't talk extensively on the phone (which I think you should for this reason even though most on this forum would say not to).

Don't get me wrong, I've met some fun/good guys through Match in the past but this most recent round was rather dissapointing and people fudge about stuff all the time so profiles and even a phone conversation doesn't necessarily equate honesty.

I'm not sure about surfergirl's interaction with this guy before meeting but I can see where he may not have been as upfront as he should have?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
In reply to: surfergirl77
Fri, 06-24-2005 - 2:07pm

True. I understand about guys saying what you want to hear or writing what you want to hear. I like to have at least a 30 minute phone call because for me personally I’ve actually weeded out a lot of men this way.

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
In reply to: surfergirl77
Fri, 06-24-2005 - 3:09pm

thanks. i just dont have the energy to screen all the guys before i meet up w/ them. I dont like chatting on email/phone before the meeting. its weird to me. I usually meet up w the guy within two weeks of first contact or did in the past.

ah I got the feeling on our first phone call - that he wasnt really ready to settle down (even at 36) - but darnit, I dindt think he was so f-ed up abouot relationships like he was. Some people just choose to be single for the rest of their lives, and its ok.

Anyways - online dating just isn't for me. I think its a great avenue for the right type of person. I'm more go with the flow, get to know the person, see what happens. and with online dating - like you said, you need to screen, look for red flags, do all this etiquette stuff.. Its just not fun for me. I thought it might be a good way to at least meet up with some cool ppl - but I cant even see being friends with this guy from last night. He has major issues and he started to blab all about 'em on our first meeting! yuck. Last thing I need is a guy dumping his life issues on me.

Im just gonna keep living in my non-drama, easy single life :) at some pt the right guy will come along. I hope its soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
In reply to: surfergirl77
Fri, 06-24-2005 - 4:19pm

Yeah, you're right then it's probably not for you. If you want to avoid this type of dating from happening again it's essential you screen first.

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
In reply to: surfergirl77
Fri, 06-24-2005 - 8:22pm

Since I can't put the guys' screenname on here, i'll copy over his profile write-up. I mean he sounds normal. I know I'm bad at reading between the lines on profiles - but what can you read between the lines with on this one? i didnt really read dislusional in it. (which he was after speaking to him for a little bit) And ok his pics were better than how he looked in person. but i didnt expect a super hot guy. Nor did I read total committmen phobe in his profile. While I honestly was not looking for mr ONE - I was looking for someone that maybe had some potential down the line if we got to know one another. So, expectations were low on the dating circuit too. And he let me down.

I know I know - you have to go through a lot of frogs to get to the prince. And they all aren't like this dude. But, 9 out of 10 times while i dated on match/YP - this is the type of guy I got. So why I don't think its for me.

Also, IRL - of course you screen guys out - it just seems less exhausting to me IRL vs online...I just think the guys doing it in my area - well are all committment phobes. (there are exceptions)or they are on there because they its easy to move around several women at one time.
ah i know im sounding sooo pessimistic regarding match - but i was never crazy about it. while a good experience, definetly not gonna get back on the online horse again...

"I really value people that are both interesting and interested, interested in experiencing, learning, exchanging ideas, cultures etc. Interesting -in that they have a sense of humor, independence, and some level of passion about things. I’m a bit of a contradiction. I can be silly and lighthearted or alternatively deep and philosophical, analytical, critical, and sarcastic, as well as down-to-earth and easy going, appreciating the details and nuances of everyday things. I guess I’m still a romantic at heart though. I��m basically a mixture of professional/creative who's interested in lots of things, -film, design, opera, music, people and different cultures. I thrive on being inspired, stimulated, and challenged by things I see and people I meet ... I really value good friends, and sharing a laugh with people. I’ve been told I’m sincere, a good listener, driven, creative, intelligent, funny, and semi-attractive (when the light hits me a certain way). I'm simply looking for someone intelligent, witty, somewhat athletic, independent, stimulating, creative, complex, sincere ... of course, there has to be some kind of chemistry."

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
In reply to: surfergirl77
Fri, 06-24-2005 - 9:21pm

Not impressed with his profile - when I think of putting an ad to market myself - be diligent and make the most of your profile.

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
In reply to: surfergirl77
Fri, 06-24-2005 - 10:42pm

Hi SG-


I am sorry to hear about this weirdo you went out with.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
In reply to: surfergirl77
Sat, 06-25-2005 - 12:47pm

I see no clues to his true attitude in his profile, and would have been disappointed from a meeting with him. I've gotten to the point where I don't believe anything anyone posts on the OLD sites anymore. I mean, I've always taken profiles with a grain of salt, but now I just see bullsh!t everywhere.

The other day I had hidden my profile again, but today I've just deleted the darn thing. After a year and some, I have finally got it that OLD is not for someone like me.

amjay

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