My profile slipped out of hiding...
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| Tue, 07-11-2006 - 12:33pm |
Hello everyone!
I'm new to OLD. I'm not even separated yet but I had a few moments to myself so I went to greensingles, checked out the guys and the women (competition) and wrote a profile just for fun. It had to be approved which was fine with me. WHen I woke up this AM I had two smiles---my profile had been approved and posted. I wanted it hidden!!!
So the first smile cracked me up. He said, "Thanks for your interest, but I am looking for someone closer to home" This guy lives 200 miles from me. He was NOT one of the profiles I looked at yesterday (I only looked 50 miles from home) and he was 11 years beyond my age range. I was not at all impressed by his profile. Clearly I did NOT send him a smile. Is that some kind of cheeseball tactic?
I'm not sure what to do with the other guy. He seems nice, and I DID notice his profile yesterday. I just don't feel good about dating before we sign the paperwork (which I hope to do by the end of the month. Should I just tell him it was supposed to be hidden until the separation and I'll be in touch next month? OR go ahead and correspond with him and not meet with him until later (he is not too close to home anyway).

I wouldn't even respond to the smile.
If you want to meet him, see if he still has a profile up after your divorce is final.
I would just hide your profile and respond to him down the road when you are separated. Presumably your profile indicates that you're separated rather than divorced so he can decide if he wants to date you or not. Many people prefer not to date separated people and having gone through a divorce myself, I can understand why, because although I *thought* I was fine to date during my separation, with 20/20 hindsight, I realized that nothing could have been further from the truth. But you will need to make up your own mind about that obviously.
Sheri
You could write to him and explain your situation if you wanted to in order to not burn the bridge, but I would probably be inclined to just hide my profile and not respond to any of the smiles for now.
Greensingles does have an option to indicate that you are legally separated or divorced. All divorces are not created equal---And I'll save the long story of my separation and my decision making process for another day. I hadn't set any sort of deadline for publishing my profile---I just wanted to do the exercise of self definition by writing it and looking for photos, etc.
IMHO if I say I'm legally separated, that should be an indication that I'm not yet interested in long term serious dating, Just fun. And I would assume the same and exercise caution if they were only separated.
I only got a free membership, so I can't even smile back without paying for an additional membership. I think I'll just let it go.
THanks!
Susie
I agree...so long as you are upfront about your separated status, then it's up to the other person to decide if they are interested in dating you or not. It's the people who hide the ball or lie outright and say they are divorced when they are not that irritate me ;-).
Sheri
Don't worry about it! I do understand where you are coming from. I've gotten lots of counseling about this very topic. I did not approach my divorce with the urge to run right out and date. One day when STBX and I were discussing terms of separation, he started lecturing me about how I couldn't bring dates to the house, couldn't introduce them to the girls, couldn't remarry and live in 'our' house. Very ironic considering he was already dating someone!!! At that moment, I felt my life separate into two sides: the side of my life with my kids, and the side of my life as a woman. I leaped into overdrive and started thinking through all the possibilities of dating. Once I worked through all those possibilities, I was ready to move on to my next big mental projects; employment and selling my house---which frankly are not as much fun to consider! In real life I'm NOT a risk taker so I do a lot of living in my head.
During that time I did a profile on eHarmony and of course they are very strict about separation, which I really respect. I went back to re-do my profile as a self-check, and they wouldn't let me back in. I have no idea how to let the program know when I am finally divorced. So I popped over to greensingles to see what they had. Things are pretty loose over there and are definitely 'swim at your own risk'.
And yes, I would agree that if I met someone who said they were divorced and they were merely separated, that would be a deal-breaker for me. I need absolute honesty.
A friend of mine at church has been trying to introduce me to a newly separated man who recently joined our congregation. He is the right age and is a very nice looking guy. She is sure we should date. But everytime I see him coming, I run the other way!!! He must think I have a bladder control problem. I don't even want to meet him until I could actually date him. Which is assuming a LOT....