My questions to begin my journey....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
My questions to begin my journey....
6
Tue, 05-06-2003 - 11:53pm
1)I am intersted in someone from S.A....so what do you think of online dating someone from across the ocean?Do the same rules apply(like east and west coast)?

2)He is 10yrs older than me...its not an issue,but I wanted to know the ladies' opinions about age difference and when is it crossing the limit(I do think Zeta-jones and Douglas are way crossed but they look gr8 as a couple:))

3)He seems my type.I clearly know that he is unmarried(I'm divorced),he is interested in marriage(not marry me particularly,but is serious in his look for a partner;I'm serious too.),no kids(both of us have no kids).....So should I ask myself what a smart man of 37 doing alone until now?Any of his personal relationships before shouldn't be my business yet ,should it?

..These are just starter questions I put up...to clear my mind.....

Thanx in advance for reading and replying.

Anya
Avatar for linds8300
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-07-2003 - 12:12am
I'll try my best to answer some of your questions :) Here goes:

1)I am intersted in someone from S.A....so what do you think of online dating someone from across the ocean?Do the same rules apply(like east and west coast)? *I was involved with a guy in England, I'm in PA, and I'd say things were the same...the only difference was that the time difference was a big problem, so just be aware of that and if possible adjust your schedules to accomodate each other (but not too much that it throws you out of whack!!)

2)He is 10yrs older than me...its not an issue,but I wanted to know the ladies' opinions about age difference and when is it crossing the limit(I do think Zeta-jones and Douglas are way crossed but they look gr8 as a couple:)) *Age ain't nothing but a number! Everyone is an adult here and as long as everything your doing is legal I don't see any kind of age problem what so ever :)

3)He seems my type.I clearly know that he is unmarried(I'm divorced),he is interested in marriage(not marry me particularly,but is serious in his look for a partner;I'm serious too.),no kids(both of us have no kids).....So should I ask myself what a smart man of 37 doing alone until now?Any of his personal relationships before shouldn't be my business yet ,should it? *Well, I don't know what stage of the relationship your in, but if things look like they're going to be involved I thinkt hat you have every right to ask. If he is going to be apart of your life these are things that you need to know!

Hope I helped a little tiny bit!

Lindsay

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-07-2003 - 9:03am
I'm turning 37 in August, am considered smart and attractive - is something wrong with me because I've never been married? What I think you should do is wait until you can spend consistent in person time with him over a period of at least 6 months (as in, at least once a week) before making a decision as to whether he is a good match for you. JMHO. Also, how do you know he is single - did you do an internet search?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Wed, 05-07-2003 - 11:55pm
Hi deena

I don't think the age matters,but this is more about my doubts playing up.I want to be sure before I take any futhur step.As you said,give it time...about him being single,is there a way to know without doing the internet search?I asked as he asked me about my marriage.I will only know for sure when we proceed slowly.We have only begun and so believe what each other are saying.

I do have another question...

Is telling secrets of past a prerequisite if the past is not in your present?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-08-2003 - 8:18am
Depending where he lives and where he is married there are public records searches to find out if he has ever been convicted of a crime, if he is married, if he lives where he says he does. As far as sharing secrets - I think it depends on the couple - and you are not a couple yet IMHO - when you spend consistent in person time together you will know whether you feel comfortable sharing your past. I don't think there are any hard and fast rules - for example, I would want to know if my serious boyfriend had ever been arrested, used any illegal drugs for any extended period of time, had ever been fired from a job for cause, etc - character and values are essential to me. When I meet men through online dating services (have met 40 in person so far) I certainly do "google" searches on them, and out of 40 only one turned out to be a pathological liar (we only went out once) but I do not chat on line more than one or two emails, talk by phone, meet right away for coffee, etc, and often times find that we know people in common so I can check references. Hope this helped!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Thu, 05-08-2003 - 10:30am
It helped,thanx.

Its a diff country,so meeting will have to wait.Until then going slow without getting too personal seems fine.About the secrets,I think I get it when you say,you should be a couple before sharing that stuff.I just wanted to know that.

Thanks again.

Anya
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-08-2003 - 11:07am
The question you have to answer is whether you believe that typing to each other and potentially talking on the phone will be relevant to whether you make a good match or whether you need to meet in person and spend consistent in person time before deciding whether you are a match - for me, it is definitely the latter and the former (typing and talking) is irrelevant to whether we make a good match in the romantic long term relationship context - I have had deep, fun, lovely email conversations with men, as well as phone calls only to find that in person it did not click - sometimes because of the way he did or did not make eye contact, sometimes it had to do with looks, mannerisms, body language, the way he treated me in person or the waitstaff - there are infinite reasons why it might not click - because we're human and part of our relating to other people comes from a level that can only come from the person's physical presence - it is why email and phone calls or even video conferences have not completely replaced in person meetings in business for example, or in therapy - and likely never will.

Again this is just what works for me - if you have time to spend typing and talking and think that is a good way to spend your time . ... go for it!! And good luck!