I think you're making a mistake doing this. You made the decision thinking not about your daughter but about yourself. You admit your daughter is not over the break up and would be upset if she knew you were dating. Why in the world would you risk having her figure it out and be destroyed over a few precious hours with a man you hardly know? I am upset that you would even consider this. Kids aren't stupid and for me the risk would just be too great. Take a big deep breath and say NO.
I would cancel the date if I were you and let him know that you re-thought it and realize it's a bit too soon. Kids pick up on things very quickly and easily. If your DD is struggling with the divorce and you introduce another man into the picture, it could potentially hurt her a lot. Even though you say you won't do anything in front of the kids, they do have a sixth sense about these things.
I would stick with your initial feelings and beliefs about this and hold fast to it. If and only if he sticks around for months, then let her meet him as a friend. But for now, it's a bit soon I think.
Thats what i was asking, your opinion. Although i dont get how saying "SOMEday" meant next WEEK! lol & no way was the plan ever to act "together" at all. I woudlnt ever do that to my kiddo.
Im not really predicting the future. I am assuming, based on how its gone so far - i think thats pretty normal. But obvioulsy i am keeping an open mind & not putting, at all, all my "eggs in 1 basket" as i am still dating others & looking at the OLD possibilities - which he is well aware of.
The furture *I* am predicting may or may not include him, or anyone ... but i want a single, fun, dating, did i mention SINGLE ? , lol, summer. Thats it. R~
How about we BOTH take a deep breath here? I asked your opinion, sorry it rang a major bell for you.
I dont "think of myself over my daughter" - ever. If you knew me & all the hell i have gone thru the past 3-4 years in PROTECTING my child, & since my seperation - i have eaten many many MANY words that could be said about her father to her (& WOULD have been by many other women in my position), b/c he is a horrible person, but my child comes 1st, NOT my anger at him - or his backlash at me.
After hearing all of your input, I called him & we talked about it. He was absolutely supportive of holding off on the kids meeting, saying that he never intended for the kids to "know" we were more than freinds, but that he is very comfortable waiting until I am ready, or mostly, the kids are.
Late with my comments but just wanted to add, you already know the reasons why not to involve kids yet. And if you do, and it ends up badly, and the kids get hurt, you'll be kicking your own butt knowing you knew better. As the mom of a 5 year old I think you are wise to wait at least a few months.
You asked and I responded. It did hit a nerve with me because your child should alway be No.1 and if that is what you've always done then why in the heck would you tell this man yes? Rhetorical question for sure...only important to you. You said yes. If you said you would get back to him and think about it that would be one thing. No...you said yes. Then in your post you excused it away that she wouldn't know because you wouldn't act "that" way with him. You know your daughter better than anyone and she isn't stupid by any means.
I am sorry that you have been through hell and back. I am sorry that your daughter has to suffer as well. Children are a touchy subject with me. I am a firm believer in what Dr Laura preaches in that a parent shouldn't date or remarry until their children is grown and gone. Is that realistic? No.....but truly how much of a blended family damages children? All of it!!!!!!
Now I have to clarify something here. I do not have children. I never married and I am not one of those women who "oops" got pregnant accidentally nor am I going to have one on my own. I have made the ultimate sacrifice to spare another child in this world that is screwed up by a parent's selfish choice. I see so many children become neglected and mistreated due to having blended families. I made the decision that is right for me and I guess I expect everyone to do the same but they don't and that frustrates more than you will ever know.
Well, that explains a lot of your reaction. We all have our own issues to deal with. I try not to let mine color, too much, what i think about other people & their situations, w/o knowing the whole story - or having lived it myself.
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Yes, I think it's too much too soon but you DID throw it out there!
I think you're making a mistake doing this. You made the decision thinking not about your daughter but about yourself. You admit your daughter is not over the break up and would be upset if she knew you were dating. Why in the world would you risk having her figure it out and be destroyed over a few precious hours with a man you hardly know? I am upset that you would even consider this. Kids aren't stupid and for me the risk would just be too great. Take a big deep breath and say NO.
F
Rebecca,
I would cancel the date if I were you and let him know that you re-thought it and realize it's a bit too soon. Kids pick up on things very quickly and easily. If your DD is struggling with the divorce and you introduce another man into the picture, it could potentially hurt her a lot. Even though you say you won't do anything in front of the kids, they do have a sixth sense about these things.
I would stick with your initial feelings and beliefs about this and hold fast to it. If and only if he sticks around for months, then let her meet him as a friend. But for now, it's a bit soon I think.
Hope this helps and I hope I wasn't harsh.
Kerry
Thats what i was asking, your opinion. Although i dont get how saying "SOMEday" meant next WEEK! lol & no way was the plan ever to act "together" at all. I woudlnt ever do that to my kiddo.
Im not really predicting the future. I am assuming, based on how its gone so far - i think thats pretty normal. But obvioulsy i am keeping an open mind & not putting, at all, all my "eggs in 1 basket" as i am still dating others & looking at the OLD possibilities - which he is well aware of.
The furture *I* am predicting may or may not include him, or anyone ... but i want a single, fun, dating, did i mention SINGLE ? , lol, summer. Thats it. R~
How about we BOTH take a deep breath here? I asked your opinion, sorry it rang a major bell for you.
I dont "think of myself over my daughter" - ever. If you knew me & all the hell i have gone thru the past 3-4 years in PROTECTING my child, & since my seperation - i have eaten many many MANY words that could be said about her father to her (& WOULD have been by many other women in my position), b/c he is a horrible person, but my child comes 1st, NOT my anger at him - or his backlash at me.
But thank you for your input.
Kerry - not harsh at all.
After hearing all of your input, I called him & we talked about it. He was absolutely supportive of holding off on the kids meeting, saying that he never intended for the kids to "know" we were more than freinds, but that he is very comfortable waiting until I am ready, or mostly, the kids are.
Good!
You asked and I responded. It did hit a nerve with me because your child should alway be No.1 and if that is what you've always done then why in the heck would you tell this man yes? Rhetorical question for sure...only important to you. You said yes. If you said you would get back to him and think about it that would be one thing. No...you said yes. Then in your post you excused it away that she wouldn't know because you wouldn't act "that" way with him. You know your daughter better than anyone and she isn't stupid by any means.
I am sorry that you have been through hell and back. I am sorry that your daughter has to suffer as well. Children are a touchy subject with me. I am a firm believer in what Dr Laura preaches in that a parent shouldn't date or remarry until their children is grown and gone. Is that realistic? No.....but truly how much of a blended family damages children? All of it!!!!!!
Now I have to clarify something here. I do not have children. I never married and I am not one of those women who "oops" got pregnant accidentally nor am I going to have one on my own. I have made the ultimate sacrifice to spare another child in this world that is screwed up by a parent's selfish choice. I see so many children become neglected and mistreated due to having blended families. I made the decision that is right for me and I guess I expect everyone to do the same but they don't and that frustrates more than you will ever know.
F
Well, that explains a lot of your reaction. We all have our own issues to deal with. I try not to let mine color, too much, what i think about other people & their situations, w/o knowing the whole story - or having lived it myself.
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