Nasty grams

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Nasty grams
28
Wed, 03-22-2006 - 4:41pm

Why do people send them?

heather 5-18-10
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
In reply to: cl_vexer_hw
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 8:01am

Just to remind us all that there ARE nice people out there ...

When I had an ad on CL, I was corresponding for awhile with a man who turned out to be black -- I am white and decided I just wasn't up for the whole interracial dating thing. I felt quite conflicted about that -- didn't want to seem a racist, which I truly am not, but was pretty sure it wouldn't work for me.

I wrote to him and told him that I did find him interesting and attractive but that I have enough challenges in my life and taking that particular one on was too daunting. He wrote back and told me he would "always remember me" as a sweet, considerate person. I was floored, in a good way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
In reply to: cl_vexer_hw
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 8:52am

His response was "crude" but he probably took offense to yours as well. I'm not sure if he sent a picture but there are some young 46 year old out there as well.

Yes, you should ignore in the future; and preferences are just that, preferences not LIMITATIONS. Stay open!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
In reply to: cl_vexer_hw
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 10:50am

He didn't send a picture and honestly, I wouldn't care if he did.

heather 5-18-10
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2005
In reply to: cl_vexer_hw
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 10:59am
That's pitiful. He's alone for a reason! You were just being nice and you get THAT in return. Awful. Ignoring is definitely what I do when I get emails from older men who know they are out of my age range.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cl_vexer_hw
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 1:42pm

Oh, come on, Vex, you've been doing OLD long enough to know that "fair" doesn't enter into it ;-)!!! If OLD/life was "fair", then every guy we were attracted to would want a serious LTR and have NO dealbreakers or red flags, right ;-)?

I almost always resist the urge to send nasty-grams to people who send me "thanks but no thanks" emails and I would CERTAINLY never send one that nasty, but I do think negatively of people who send even "nice" rejection emails. It's not rational or "fair"...but that's how I react. I am in no way, shape or form excusing this guy for sending the email he sent you (that was *totally* out of line), but I *do* understand not reacting well to a rejection email...if I'm taking a chance, and the other person isn't interested, I just want the other person to ignore me...don't make me feel like an idiot for taking the chance (and that's how even a "nice" rejection email feels to me).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
In reply to: cl_vexer_hw
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 2:19pm

LOL - yeah you're right.

heather 5-18-10
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
In reply to: cl_vexer_hw
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 5:53pm
He's just bitter you turned him down. CL is just like that, some cities more than others. I rarely had problems in Chicago, but the men on Dallas CL are mostly shallow, bitter men.







iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: cl_vexer_hw
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 7:41pm

I'd have to respond "Get a life".

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
In reply to: cl_vexer_hw
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 8:59am

Hey Emily - I didn't know you were in Dallas!

heather 5-18-10
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
In reply to: cl_vexer_hw
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 9:53pm

OMG - I've been saying the same thing since I moved here. They really do, they want skinny, blonde, rich bimbos who really ARE too good for them. It's so funny. I'm pretty, but yes, I'm brunette and a size 10, and work for a living, so you know, I'm below bacteria.

ETA - guess you aren't accepting email through your profile. Shoot me one and I'll tell you where I live. I try to stay somewhat discreet. :-)




Edited 3/26/2006 10:54 pm ET by lothiriel2000