Need advice AGAIN ladies!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2003
Need advice AGAIN ladies!
8
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 7:51pm
Alright, I'm gonna try to make this one short and sweet because I know for a fact I'm over reacting but still can't get it off my mind so instead I'm going to see if other people think this is normal or not. Most of you know my story because it'll probably be the same people to dish out the advice which is very cool. Well, I haven't heard from my guy since last thursday. He said he was having company for the next couple of days so I was like ok..cool and basically left it at that. The only thing is he didn't tell me when his company was leaving (not that he has to tell me since he owes me nothing, like Deena says we haven't even met yet so he's free to do what he likes and he's not my property...lol.) Anyway, since today is Monday it's been about five days and I haven't heard a peep. Not an email, not a phone call...notta. I'm starting to get a little antsy and confused. Should I just wait it out and see if he writes sometime in the next century? Should I phone him and find out what's up? (Something I'm not entirely comfortable doing because I'm not confrontational and it would make me look like some sort of over obsessed stalker type, especially if his company was still there and it was his mom!)...anyone got any suggestions on how to deal with this (Like joining the peace corps or a convent?)...would be greatly apperciated...

M.

P.S. feel so much better to unload it off my chest...sorry if I sound like a real pain ladies but I am SO glad you're here:0)
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 8:01pm
I would definitely NOT call him. You'll hear from him when he wants to talk to you. Do you want to *force* someone to talk to you? I sure wouldn't...I want someone to call/email me because HE wants to. And if he's lost interest, he's lost interest...it happens.

In the meantime, "deal" with it by living your life!!! Certainly you're not putting your life on hold for someone you haven't even met yet, are you?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2003
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 8:17pm
Hell, no...are you kidding? LOL...I've put my life on hold long enough. I suppose I just find it strange as all my other online friendships have always ended with at least some one saying something to the affect of "I don't want to talk to you any more" but then maybe I've been spoiled? But no, wasn't planning to call him...that'd be just be too humiliating for words! I have my pride and refuse to grovel..but thanks for you're advice Sherri:)...

M.
Avatar for la_de_mafi
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 8:40pm
I know that there are times when I have had company and I haven't gotten online the whole time that they were visiting. (up to 2 weeks). The question is.. (sorry I don't know your whole story) are you guys serious? or in the friends with the possibility of more stage? If you are serious.. I would think of dropping this guy. If you are friends with the possibility of more stage, sit back and see what happens. Don't put your whole heart into this, sweetheart. Just stay calm and see what happens. If you don't hear from him in a week or so, send a quick email stating that you missed talking to him and hope that all is well, and that he is enjoying his life. Then step back. If he replies.. you will know what to do then. If not, then you exited gracefully and let him know that you enjoyed talking to him while it lasted.

Good luck,

Nikki

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
Tue, 08-12-2003 - 4:13am
Hi again,

Sorry to hear you are not doing that great. Arrgg, I will never understand why guys cannot make clear statements, "company for the next couple of days" what does that mean? Somebody is visiting him? Okay, then he should know how long this visit will be. And who is coming? I would have said: "I have my mom over for the next week and look forward to talking to you again next Wednesday after she left" but of course I am a woman and that's why I think more logical than guys do ;-)

It could be a bad sign and a way for him to get out of it without telling you but it is also possible that he is just talking in boys language where it is not that important to make clear statements because you will notice what he meant later.

A couple of days is not more than a week, right? So I would wait untill Thursday and then send him a small email as suggested before, like "hope you had a good time, look forward talking to you again". If you then hear nothing within a reasonable time you have to dump him unfortunately. But I don't think that will happen. What you have told about him before hasn't sound like he is just playing games. We will see......

Don't worry too much ok!?

Big hug!

Nicole

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-12-2003 - 7:38am
I think you need to lighten up as you are trying to do and to realize that this is one of the risks when contact with someone is limited to phone and email. And of course even if yo uwere married you wouldn't have a "right" to know where he was 24/7 -

Sure, you can call him - he has an answering machine, right? One call shouldn't make a difference either way.

Your post reminded me of Sunday. I was with S. and he made a comment that I wasn't sure how to take - could have been nothing - or not - I was leaving in 10 minutes and decided that instead of being upset till the next time we spoke and instead of feeling tempted to call him later - I spoke to him right there - concisely and simply - an dwe resolved it in two seconds - one of the reasons - because I could see him - his eyes, his reaction to me - his surprise - never would have worked for me on email certainly or even on the phone. And this wasn't even a big deal - but needed to be dealt with - I could see the conversation on email or IM lasting an hour with no resolution because I wouldn't have been able to see him. Web cam also wouldn't do it - it's sometimes just about being in the peson's physical presence. Just my 2 cents.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Tue, 08-12-2003 - 9:10am
Well, darling...this may come to a shock to most, and you, but I agree with Deena here. (smiles) I really do. I think you should just call, and if he is avoiding you, it will be dealt with immediately. If he is not, then you will certainly be able to talk with him. I would suggest the in person, like Deena said....for the reaction. She is right, emails and phone calls can take longer to work some small misunderstanding out. I say, call him, and get this meeting going and if he cannot meet with you in the next few days, or weeks...I will be honest here hon. Move on. Honesty is best and you deserve to meet this man, so it can rest these quirks you are having about him. If he continues to put it off, and if he is trying to avoid you, then he will continue to make excuses to why he cannot meet. I would not put up with that. Im like Deena. I would want it solved ASAP. If it is no big deal, then it can be handled quickly, with little drama. Call him.

Just my opinion. I would say, "Hey, haven't heard from you, wondering how you are, call me back please."

Now, if you get no response, there is your answer. Move on.

Gail:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2003
Tue, 08-12-2003 - 9:13am
If he said he would call you, give him the benefit of the doubt. Let him call you. I am just a big believer in letting them set the pace. I don't think that the time period that has passed has been that long, and if he had some people in town, he might be recovering.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2003
Wed, 08-13-2003 - 12:54am
Thank you ladies. I think maybe he just might have either gone to Vancouver because he had been talking about it a couple of times or his company is still there or something. My guess is that he went to Vancouver and just didn't tell me. I've pretty much have had time to think about it and get over it. How ever this ends will be up to him...I called him tonight and left a message on his answering machine. Either way it doesn't matter to me. I've sort of removed myself emotionally from the whole thing. Until I see him face to face and know he's serious about this then you know it's all sort of up in the air. He's supposed to come up and see family in the next couple of weeks so if he still wants to meet me he'll make his way up here. I suppose I just found it odd that he went from five emails and a phone call everyday for almost two months to nothing at all...it's happened before and something terrible always happened to the guy. One time I was talking to a highway patrol man from St.Louis who was like that. We talked everyday and suddenly nothing for two months and then he showed up on the radar again with a gun shot wound. So I'm guessing he could be sick too...he's a parapaligic and so he sometimes gets infections. Why I'm not too sure. It sort of occured to me after I talked to a friend about it. Since I've gone through many an infection (I have cystic fibrosis...)I know with the proper meds it'll go away. But this is only speculation...I guess I won't know until he answers me right (IF he answers me)...but if I hear nothing in the next week and a half (I'm giving him the rest of this week and next week) then it's definatly time to move on! Thanks so much for all your advice!

M.