need advice on a ld relationship
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| Sat, 05-28-2005 - 2:55pm |
I need your advice...
Some close friends encouraged me to do the online dating thing, open my circle where I was meeting people, so I tried it. I found it wasn't really my thing, and though I made some new friends locally in which 2 turned out to be pretty good friends with no chemistry. So just when I was ready to give up the online thing, someone IM'd me. Usually, I jump right to the profile to see where they are from and all of the news. But, somehow got distracted in the conversation. It went very well and before I new it had been talking to him for almost 2 hours. So I finally check out his profile and he lives halfway across the country from me.
Normally, I wouldn't even talk to someone that far because I didn't want to get into an LD. So I figure ok, that's it. But, everytime I went online there was a message from him, and we kept chatting, but I promised myself and told him that it wasn't going to go anywhere because I wasn't going to get into an LD relationship. He said that was ok. But, then we just kept talking and before we knew it several weeks had passed. I was completely like what the heck? I would say this it, I'm done and be prepared to tell him that's it. But, I kept wanting to know more about him and when we would talk it was like talking to my best friend. Then we started talking on the phone, and we still clicked.
Fast forward, several more weeks, and we have talked about everything under the sun, but guess what. I let my barriers down and he got into my heart. I can't wait to talk to him, and am disappointed when I miss his calls when he doesn't answer mine. Whenever we talk, it's like no time has passed since the last time. But our calls keep getting further and further apart, and it drives me nuts, I end up missing him like crazy. I try not calling him so that I don't get let down when he doesn't answer, and then he'll eventually call me worried that I'm running cold on him.
I'm normally not like this about guys, I can detach and let our lives happen, but this is nuts. Also, several weeks ago he told me he loved getting little e-mails in the middle of the day to make him laugh or smile, think about me and such. So I have, I discovered that even though I never used to do that I like doing it, but then I want it too. He loves getting them, but doesn't feel the least bit inclined to respond to them or send them to me.
So I end up feeling like things are a little one-sided. I wonder if I am only one missing him and wondering what he's up to? Also, does he really feel the way he says, since he doesn't show it. So I end up feeling bad about this, missing him, and angry at myself because I didn't want a LD to begin with and now I feel wanting someone who is halfway across the country and the soonest we can see each other in person is in July. Also, that I feel like I am the only one doing work in this relationship, frustrating.
Yet, every time I go talk to him about it I melt when I hear his voice and we start talking about other things.
HELP! I need some perspective and not feeling like my own ideas are very good at this moment. Let me know what you think or what you have experienced? What happened in your relationships and what worked and what didn't.
Thanks,
Special Music Mom

Ask yourself these questions. What do you want in a relationship and do you think you will find it with this guy? Do you think this relationship is bringing out the best in you? Do you want to be in a relationship where you know there are problems but cover them up with small talk? Finally, the biggie. Are you sure this guy isn't married?
Re-read your post. It sounds to me like this situation is making you feel insecure and anxious. When I find myself feeling like that, I always take a step back and ask why.
Do you feel like you are out of control?
Hi Specialmusicmom!
Ginger and Sparklepuss both provided some great suggestions.....PG would like to add his 2 cents, if that's okay?
Some OLD members like the comfort of "chatting"....and part of the "chat" has to do with an eventual rendevous somewhere?
Thank you to those of you that posted. I had discovered the ldr posting board after this and posted it there as well, the concensus is much the same. Talk to him... I had been unsure whethere I was just having too high of expectations or if this was something that I really needed to talk to him about. I have decided to talk to him this afternoon when we talk and for the good/bad of the relationship, tell him how I feel. That if this is going to work, I need more. I don't want to feel one-sided and unsure in this relationship. I am a strong, independent woman who is ripe for a good relationship and have learned so many things in the past that much of this feels wrong. So if it's to be, he will listen to me and make the effort to right things, and if isn't it was a hard lesson learned.
Thanks and I will update you all.
Kel