Need advice quick!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Need advice quick!
30
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 3:58pm
OK, you all might remember R, the guy that I have been out with a few times who I met in RL. He has been kinda wishy-washy on me and seems to be kinda into me but not really. He and I are both big fans of Lost so he has asked me over tomorrow to watch the new episode and have dinner. I'd like to go and know that if I can keep my expectations that this is just a fun thing and probably not going to go anywhere that I will be fine. But it is the first time I have been to his house and we also haven't gone out in a couple weeks. It seems like every time I have given up on him, he'll show back up and ask me out. I honestly am not expecting it to go anywhere, so is it OK to just go and have fun and make out with him? Cuz we probably would. :-)

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 5:45pm

i have to disagree with you NGOL (where have u been mr. im in a relationship now :)?) - i really don't thikn the "just not into you" applys to Vexer. She isn't trying to have a relationship w/ the guy. I really despise that darn book.
people truly take it out of context - too much.

So worst case senario Vexer goes over, hooks up - and the next day writes "it was a mistake". So what, we all make 'em? Life is about living and having fun. Making mistakes included. If this were a guy she was all into and trying to get him to committ - then i'd say its a different story and you would be correct. But she is just having fun w/ the dude.

I think too many times we try to make people into relationships when we should just see where things go. Have fun, get to know someone. Alot of times relationships develop out of two people thinking "we're just having fun" ....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 6:02pm

<>


Vex -


I'm going to be honest with you...


I've been reading your posts for a long time now. As soon as you said "I wouldn't complain if this turned into something real" I no longer believed the rest of the paragraph.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 6:07pm

Well, this is a matter of "I know this IS a mistake but...". Big difference there.

Vex, I hear booty call, loud and clear. I really can't see you in a FWB situation (from what little I know about you). The absolutely only way that works is if BOTH PEOPLE are getting EXACTLY what they want. He has NOT given you what you want so in fact you would be settling. And settling is never fun.

You are working steadily towards your goal of creating a relationship in your life, and I applaud you for it. Why gum up the works with this guy??

Good luck in your decision!

amjay

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 7:03pm

I thought I posted this prior but I must not have hit enter.

Anyway, if you are asking about it on a message board, you already care too much.

If I had a penny for everytime I, or one of my friends, said that they "knew" what they were getting themselves into or thought they could f&*k like a guy, I'd be rich. Honestly, if you really didn't care, you wouldn't be looking for advice from us. You would just get what you wanted and call it a day. You don't really seem like that type anyway.

Sometimes, when we consciously say "no" to what we don't want, what we do want appears.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 7:15pm
Why would you want to spend time with someone whose company you enjoy? Cancel on him and have coffee with an OLD freak.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 7:42pm

LG, as a (former) long time participant on the AskMen and IV Guy Talk message boards, and now long time participant on this board and from personal experience... it's been drilled into my head that women date, if they like the guy they have sex, and if he doesn't want a relationship with her and stops calling... they emotionally lament.

In their defense, they aren't doing anything wrong. They are merely dating... getting to know someone by spending time with them. And if sex falls into the picture... so be it.

I didn't tell you anything you don't already know.

But the part you don't know is that... attempting to save them grief falls on deaf ears. Trust me.

So do like me. Try to refrain from responding to posts that might appear to be headed for disaster because the inevitable will happen.

It's a gender defect.

Personally, I wouldn't have it any other way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2005
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 8:01pm

I wouldn't even think twice about it.....but I know that's not gonna be the popular vote.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 8:15pm

gender defect - that women don't "listen" to what you men tell us? Puhleasseeee, give me a break. We actually listen - has it ever occurred to you that we might choose to learn our own lessons rather than take the advice. Men ask advice only when they actually need it; so I understand your confusion. Women ask advice like they brush their hair - they think out loud. Men don't think out loud - your brain circuits work differently than ours.

While there are many - billion of things I dont understand about men - i would never call it a gender defect. I take offense to it as should other women, in a joking manner or not. Women have to put with enough judgement from men and society these days.

Not to mention we bear your freaking children so i think a little understanding can go a long ways...I dont quite think men understand what the world would come to if there weren't women around...(and YES that goes the other way around - I truly don't take for granted the many great things about men)

Lord, Ive become my own worst feminist nightmare!

Avatar for cyclegirl36
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 8:30pm
had to read that one twice..too funny..LMAO
Cyclegirl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 8:47pm
ok. It's a gender attribute then.