Need advice quick!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Need advice quick!
30
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 3:58pm
OK, you all might remember R, the guy that I have been out with a few times who I met in RL. He has been kinda wishy-washy on me and seems to be kinda into me but not really. He and I are both big fans of Lost so he has asked me over tomorrow to watch the new episode and have dinner. I'd like to go and know that if I can keep my expectations that this is just a fun thing and probably not going to go anywhere that I will be fine. But it is the first time I have been to his house and we also haven't gone out in a couple weeks. It seems like every time I have given up on him, he'll show back up and ask me out. I honestly am not expecting it to go anywhere, so is it OK to just go and have fun and make out with him? Cuz we probably would. :-)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 10:18pm

Well, if anyone cares, I am going. I am not going to sleep with him - it's a school night and I have to get up the next morning for work and I am not going to have a do-n-dash thing. That may be what he is expecting but if he is, he'll be disappointed and I'll chalk it up to experience. I like the guy. He likes me. We have fun together and have a lot in common. We talk at least a couple times a week but yes, he takes his sweet time asking me to do things. So he's probably not into me in a dating sense. Who says that he has to be?

Thanks for the opinions, I had pretty much made up my mind when I got the email, but I was interested in what you all had to say.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 8:37am
soooooo......what happened??!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 9:24am
I went over and we watched all of Lost (we're both too much into it to not watch it all - very exciting episode!), had dinner and just chatted about stuff. He indulged me by watching the American Idol results show too and then we just hung out and watched TV for awhile and talked. There was making out but I stuck to my word and didn't sleep with him. But I had a really good time. Funny thing is that I am not all ga-ga or starry-eyed this time like I was after the first couple dates. I guess it is because I went in having my expectations set. I think that this will just be something fun so I am not gonna worry about it!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 9:57am
I do believe there is something to the "be a challenge" conventional wisdom...
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 2:26pm
Vex-That is my favorite Wednesday night...Lost, followed by American Idol results. Do you watch the Amazing Race and Survivor?

 

http://tickers.ticke

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 2:38pm
I'm sure there are a lot of people on here a whole lot more experienced than me, but I had an experience recently that has me shying away from anything like this. A guy I work with, a friend, agreed to a fling with me. It had been a long time for both of us and it seemed like a good idea. All my life I'd dreamed of having something "exciting" like that happen and this was a guy I trusted. So he came over and it happened...and it was HORRIBLE. I don't know if there's anyway to know this ahead of time, but this guy was just really, really lousy. He did his part, did nothing for me, then said a bunch of things that made me feel like nothing more than trash ("That was great. I needed to get laid.") and left. My point is that I'm starting to realize that some of the guys who are irresponsible and immature when it comes to calling and keeping promises may also be the same way in bed. (Or even on the sofa, if that's all it's going to be.) Someone who is selfish out of bed would probably be the same way in bed. Is that just my limited experience talking?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 3:50pm
Absolutely! Those two are my favorites! I'm pretty much a reality show junkie but I stick to the original good ones. I don't branch out too much into all these weird ones Fox puts on. Amazing Race and Survivor are awesome this season!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 4:03pm

lilah, I think you are right on about this and it is not your limited experience. I'm sorry your guy turned out to be such a jerk. I think there are ways to handle these things that both people get what they want out of it with no one feeling bad. So far, this guy has always treated me respectfully and not made me feel trashy. We haven't slept together yet tho so that could change I suppose when/if it happens. If it starts to affect my self-esteem, I am not going to let it continue.

Right now I am enjoying it as much as he is (or so it seems) and we like hanging out. I may not be able to handle it either but I figured I'd just see how it goes since we like each other and seem to enjoy each other's company. And this is not a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am. When we get together, we do go on real dates and do real stuff. Again, if it ever turns into just sex and leave, then it will be over too.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 4:45pm
Survivor is pretty good, but the Amazing Race was just awesome the past week. The best ever. I am going to start a new thread. I want to know what you think of Rob and Amber.

 

http://tickers.ticke

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 7:44am

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HOW??? I need to know in case this ever happens to me again. The problem with me is that I can't sleep with someone unless I have at least a little of an emotional connection with him and if I have an emotional connection, I'm probably going to want it to be more. So I guess the key is not to rush into it. In your case, I think I'd get together with the guy whenever it was convenient for you but keep my options open. Keep dating, keep meeting people. Honestly, there are just some men who run from all commitments and they disguise their fear behind flakiness. It doesn't mean they aren't "into" you -- it means they have issues. Their issues aren't really your problem unless you let it be. Just take whatever you want from them and try not to worry too much about it. Remember, first and foremost, to look out for YOU and what you need. These men are big boys; they can take care of themselves!

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