Need advice..OT

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2005
Need advice..OT
12
Sun, 04-03-2005 - 7:25pm

Hey guys,

This is way off topic, but over the last few weeks I have come to value all of your opinions and I know you will guide me in the right direction. Almost 4 years ago I dated a guy that I loved very much. I was 22 at the time and he was 23, We broke up because of his parents and some race issues. Well let me be more specific, I broke up with him because he would not stand up to them. His mother would make racial comments about me and she never even met me. It was a lot to deal with at the time so I decided to walk away. Its been a very long time and he has only dated one other person seriously since we broke up, I have dated a few guys but only one seriously/long term myself. In october he called me a few times, but we didn't hang out or go out etc. He called me again yesterday and I was really pleasantly surprised to hear from him. Now he wants to go out on a date, im seriously wondering If I should even risk going out with him again. I bought myself some time because I am sick right now with tonsillitis, but I promised I would give it some serious thought and let him know. For the record, He still lives at home with his parents, I am not sure if we will have the same problems over again but I am a lot older now and I don't think it would affect me the same way.
When we were dating, everything else was pretty good. I do think about him from time to time but have never pursued anything with him. I have never ever dated anyone again after we broke up so IF I do decide to do it, Id like to be really sure of what im getting into. Id really like to hear what you guys have to say about this. If you need more information I will gladly provide it, right now im not really sure what im writing lol.

Thanks,

GM

We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Tue, 04-05-2005 - 4:59pm

It's not a matter of placing your parents second upon meeting someone. If a fellow isn't up to sticking up for his girlfriend, or date, to his parents, then that's a serious problem and will follow that couple throughout their relationship. I have seen it happen too many times to believe otherwise.

The same applies to a woman who doesn't stick up for her boyfriend/date to her parents.

Once a person reaches an adult age, s/he becomes a separate unit from her/his parents, building a separate and unique life and without need for parental approval. This is a natural part of human life. If the parents are unwilling to let their *child* go, then the adult child must do something about it.

As NGOL tried to say, there are other boards that could give you more pertinent advice. For example, there is an interracial relationship board that might interest you. Nobody is saying this to mean "go away", but to help you in your decision.

Good luck with your decision, and please post often!

amjay

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2005
Tue, 04-05-2005 - 5:09pm

Hey Amjay,

As always you put things in perspective for me. I completely agree with you.

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This seems a little hostile and unnecessary to me. Maybe im being sensitive.

We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.

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