Need Help!
Find a Conversation
Need Help!
| Mon, 12-05-2005 - 3:33pm |
I've been dating this guy I met online for about the past 2 months. Things have been going so well. We don't see eachother very often but we talked on the phone pretty much every night. Well as of last week tuesday he hasnt called me. I haven't called him many times in these days figuring he was busy with work (he had said something about being busy with work this weekend). But he hasn't returned any of my calls. I just don't get it. Why the sudden "drop off the face of the earth". That's what it seems like. He, seemed to any ways, like me so much. He told me he did. We shared everything with eachother. He bragged about me to his friends and coworkers. Was so excited for me to meet some of them, so they could know how wonderful I was. He called me beautiful, the works. I really thought we were getting some where with our relationship. But now I feel lost. I've thought maybe something happened to him or something. I've gone through just about every scenerio! I really need some help with this!!!! thank you!

Unfortunately, this is a fairly common occurance. Yes, it's possible that he's just busy, but that big of a change in behavior (going from talking almost every night to not at all for a week) is almost certainly a sign that things have changed. A lot of men (and some women do it too) just are not comfortable with the idea of a conversation saying that they are no longer interested in dating you, so they take the coward's way out and just disappear. It's lame, disrespectful and hurtful but the people who do it are only concerned about their OWN feelings...they don't care what it does to you so long as they don't have to experience any discomfort.
I would make *one* more call to his work number to see if he is ok. If he is, then you need to let it go and move on.
Sheri
Hi Nicki,
If you're new to online dating, he is what we would call a "ghost"--someone who ups and leaves for no apparent reason. The reason why he did it could be one of 100, honestly it's not worth the time racking your brain to figure it out.
Look at the facts. He has not called you nor returned your calls. That's not only rude, it's inconsiderate. He has not bothered to let you know he's ok. Unless something has happened (I'm a firm believer in bad news traveling fast), I say let him go.
Unless there was something in your last convo that could have provoked this (such as you screaming at him... nothing small), try not to let it get to you. I know it's hard and it stinks that you have to do so. But he's not worth it if he doesn't give you the respect you deserve. It's better to find out what type of person he is now than later.
Maybe I'm wrong and maybe I'm skeptical. But I would not contact him again. See if he comes to you. If not, close the door.
Kerry
I might try contacting him one more time and then leave it alone. I recently got out of a one-month fling with a guy who was so infatuated with me at the beginning, made all these grand claims about his feelings, and then suddenly got cold the minute I said something about spending more time together. He had the decency to contact me and the whole break up is confusing as to who broke it off with whom, but my point is, men (in my experience it is usually men) are given to wild fluctuations in their feelings. They're more willing to declare and show their affections for you and claim they're deep, not necessarily because they're being sneaky and trying to trick you into falling for them, but because they confuse infatuation with real, substantive feelings for the whole person. Maybe this is what happened. Maybe he was so caught up in the excitement of a new relationship and then suddenly realized that he was just on a high and doesn't want to sit down and do the work a real relationship involves.
Either way, his not contacting you is indeed cowardly and speaks volumes about his character already. Could you get beyond this even if you two reconnect?
To make it easier on yourself, I would delete his emails, his number, all traces of him and move on. But if you believe there is something there worth saving or rekindling, then all you can do is call and let him know you'd like to see or talk with him.
SBC
To me, this sounds like what we affectionately call "ghosting" out here on the board. It happens all the time. Chances are, it has nothing to do specifically with you. Maybe he found someone else, maybe he's really busy, maybe he's just not that into you. Who knows?
At this point, my best suggestion is to STOP calling him. He knows how to get a hold of you. I know you're concerned that something happened, but there's probably about a 99% chance that nothing did happen and he just ghosted for whatever reason. It hurts and you may never know why or maybe something DID happen, but at this point, all you can really do is just wait for him to call back.