need help deciphering this.....PLEASE

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2006
need help deciphering this.....PLEASE
7
Fri, 12-22-2006 - 8:22pm

OK Guys---Help me out here...I've been talking to this guy online for hmm about 1 month now. I've mentioned meeting eachother in person (we met on an OLD site) and his response is always someday we will meet. Well tonight this is how this part of our conversation went...(what the heck is it trying to say here??)

me: ..."so do you have any intentions of meeting me in person or am I just someone you plan on im'ing?"

him..., "I 've thought about it but didn't know where to go,you know like where you live or anything,like when I asked about showing up at your door?"

me: well I wouldn't want us to meet by surprise...I would like to make a good impression..wouldn't want you to show up and me be in my jammies looking like crap.

him: I doubt you ever look bad...I'm already impressed.

me: yes your impressed on here

him : no matter wht you wear or don't wear

me: but meeting and talking in person is completely different

him: ok

me: you have ot admit that is true....do you not think so?

him : I guess

me: I mean i would love to tell you you wouldn't be disappointed when you meet me..but your the only one that can decide that...I can say and do anything on here.... like i've said..I do enjoy talking to you on here...

him: ok

me: but we haven't even talked on the phone ...met in person...so who knows... I would like to think it would go as well...but noone can promise that

him: true

him: ok well anyway have a good holiday

well that is basically it, we said our goodbyes and he's off and running (literally) ....obviously avoided the whole situation right?? or am I just over analyzing this?? which by the way he thinks I am...

I'm trying to figure out..is he really being honest here...or just avoiding it all together...everytime I bring it up..which it really isn't often..I think I've only mentioned it 1 or maybe 2 other times..he is quick to answer and then says he has to go.......hmm thinking I'm an im'ing buddy..what do you think??? HELP...should I just NEXT him and move on...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Fri, 12-22-2006 - 9:23pm

My take on it is that from the point he started saying "ok" he had disconnected from the conversation. I don't know exactly why. He may be unwilling to meet because he doesn't want to spoil the fantasy. Or he may be afraid that you won't like him. Or he may have something else going on.

By talking about how you might not like each other if you met, you may have increased his anxiety if he is afraid of spoiling the fantasy. On the other hand, he really needs to understand that it is time to meet.

If/when you talk to him again, you could bring the subject up more boldly: "When do you want to meet?" And be ready with a place to meet that will be convenient and non-threatening.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Sat, 12-23-2006 - 1:16am

He said he's thought about it but didn't know where to go. He doesn't seem very assertive. I agree with the other poster... Ask him boldly and directly

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2006
Sat, 12-23-2006 - 10:06am
He is a serial IM'er. For me, one week of emails, then I want to talk on the phone, and it that goes well, meet the guy. I would NEXT the guy now. I seriously doubt you will ever meet him, sounds like he has some issues. Like already in a relationship or no self-confidence. I'd tell him we need to talk on the phone to move forward and ask for his phone number, if he doesn't respond to that, NEXT him. Good Luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Sat, 12-23-2006 - 10:47am

He's avoiding and you have an IM buddy. He shut down and started giving one word answers the minute you started talking about meeting. There's something up there. He's got no intention of meeting you for some reason. Whether it's because he's got something to hide, because he's not who he says he is or because he's already got a wife/girlfriend/whatever - there's something going on.

What alarms me most though is DO NOT tell him or anyone you meet online where you live!! For the first meet - MEET them at a public place. DO NOT, DO NOT, DO NOT (repeat DO NOT) have them come to your house! You might have been talking for a month online, but you do not know him from any axe murderer on the street. Yes, there is a 99.9% chance that he will be fine and at worst, you just don't hit it off. But you never know the kind of person he will really be. You must always think safety first and not invite a complete stranger to your house. After you meet in public a few times and you feel more comfortable, it's OK to invite him over, but never, ever EVER on a first meet.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Sat, 12-23-2006 - 11:33am

I agree about giving out personal information i.e. where you live 100 percent.


The OP was also giving out way too much information and justifying when she did not have too ... she was having a conversation and he was aloof with one word responses - that to me says everything. NEXT


Listen, why not just send emails next time - don't give out your IM address. I think instant messages makes it to easy for people to be lazy, never pick up the phone and continue to drag out the meeting process.

Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2006
Sat, 12-23-2006 - 11:59am

Small_peanut & Vexer,

I complete agree with you 100%! I have absolutely NO INTENTIONS of giving him my address...like I had said earlier..I do think it was kinda creepy that he said he just wanted to show up at my door! I am planning on ending all communication with this guy...as I have realized and have been advised (THANK YOU!!) by so many of you to do so! I am really careful about what information I give out to ppl...I never give out my last name..if and when I give my number out I use my cell phone..and NEVER EVER give my address..and as for e-mail address..I have created one that gives absolutely NO personal information-not even my name...just my online name...so like you I also BELIEVE in SAFETY first! Thank you so much for your posts and advice....I have been talking to some other guys so..even though I have been talking to this one for a month..it's not like I've truly invested much time...although I am disappointed...life will go on and there are plenty other FISH in the SEA!!

Thanks again & Merry Christmas & Happy NEW YEAR!!!

CRVGRL :)

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 12-23-2006 - 1:14pm

When I make a direct request on calling and/or meeting and do not get a response then my next message is "I did not get a positive response on my request. The reason why I'm OLD is because I want a relationship with someone. I am moving on in my search and wish you well."

If I was on the other end and wanted a relationship then I would want to talk on the phone ASAP if there was ANY connection online and then if that turns out well then meet ASAP.

Mark