need an honest opinion

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2005
need an honest opinion
43
Fri, 07-08-2005 - 9:21pm
Lets say I really like this guy and he will be 40 in a couple of months, never been married, busy career. What are the odds he will seriously involve himself with a single mother of a 9 yo?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Fri, 07-08-2005 - 9:40pm

You could be describing one of my best friends.

He was a confirmed batchelor until he met The One. She was a single mom, and I believe her DD was around 9 at the time. He was 40 when they met, and got married when he was 42.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Fri, 07-08-2005 - 10:34pm

Hi Ivos-


I think it totally depends on the individual.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Fri, 07-08-2005 - 10:56pm

"Why - do you have someone who fits the bill?" LOL

Seriously, some men want to "settle down" and have a family, but don't want to go through the baby-diapers-etc. thing. I always get a grown-up cat from the shelter rather than a kitten, as kittens are so much trouble and always underfoot. A man might feel that way about children. Or, he might want kids of his own now, but also be a willing stepfather to yours (if you are intending to have more). Guess you'll have to find him and find out!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2005
Sat, 07-09-2005 - 9:19am
one of the reason it makes me wonder is because in his profile he has "none" for his dates having children ;)
Thanks everyone for help!
Avatar for calilawgirl
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Sat, 07-09-2005 - 10:11am

I don't mean to sound snotty, but why don't you just ask him?

If he says "No, I can't see myself long term with a woman with a 9 year old." Then at least you know now before you get even more emotionally attached than you already are. Am I correct in assuming this is the same guy you have posted about recently? The guy who's still online, but whom you are sleeping with and have been spending quite a bit of time with? From what I've been reading, you are becoming quite emotionally attached but haven't discussed "exclusivity" and you seem to be hoping that he's going to bring up talking about the "uncomfortable" stuff. I don't want to see you get your hopes up about this guy and have him not want to involve himself seriously with a single mom.

If he says "Yes, I can." Then great! That's one less thing you have to be anxious about.

Again, I don't mean to be snotty. But, if you are looking for a serious relationship and someone who will accept BOTH you and your child, shouldn't that be one of the FIRST things you want to know about a guy?

Just my two cents...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Sat, 07-09-2005 - 10:49am

<

Does this not answer your question?

You know, in my past year of searching OLD sites, I have never, ever seen a profile where a guy didn't want his date to have children. Isn't that interesting? Or maybe it's just the age range of my searches -- 41-49.

Back to you ivosoh: I would skip this guy -- that is, unless you've already met and he knows you have kids and wants to date you. Correct me anyone, but I think the majority of men 40 and over have no issue about dates having children.

amjay

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2005
Sat, 07-09-2005 - 11:15am
Thanks, I really appreciate your opinion! Yes, it's the same guy.
He did say that he loves kids and even though I don't like bringing up my son in conversations with strangers - the things I did mention - he reciprocated too and said that I am very lucky that I have a child. I do know he wants to have kids too. I just never came out and ask about his profile "none" for date's kids.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2005
Sat, 07-09-2005 - 11:28am
<>
Amjay, thanks for your opinion!
I don't know if his profile answered my question. Myself, I have "any" in my date's children however I prefer to date people with 1 or less children. My words aren't written in stone - they are preferences but not facts. That is why I don't take everything I read as is.
I think this guy might be bad news and I didn't play my cards right but as I said before - I slept with him because I wanted too and I can stop when it's enough too :) I believe he is aware of this - I never came out and said this but some things are better left unspoken!
I don't think he's been on-line lately but I sort of decided to stop checking anyway - don't want to spin out of control.
I figured out - I need a break from OLD, I do like this guy, he treats me pretty nice, he introduced me to his neighbors, sure - there is a chance this won't work out but while I am off of old/dating - I can at least get laid on the frequent bases while testing if he is for real :) I know, I know - bizarre thoughts :)
One thing is a fact - nobody is meeting my son until I KNOW he is a keeper!


Edited 7/9/2005 12:23 pm ET ET by ivosoh
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Sat, 07-09-2005 - 11:51am

Oh, now I know who you are talking about. Did you ask about his "none" answer to dates-who-have-children? Just curious as to what he would say about it.

You are very wise not to check his on-line status. This is guaranteed to drive anyone nuts! I am currently getting over my obsession over The One who didn't even respond to my wink. How the heck did that happen? lol

Also wise to keep him away from the family unit this early. I'm a little worried about that October girl. Could mean nothing, but...

Good luck!

amjay

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Sat, 07-09-2005 - 1:51pm

Ivos-


I haven't "been laid" in almost 2 years!

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