need an honest opinion

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2005
need an honest opinion
43
Fri, 07-08-2005 - 9:21pm
Lets say I really like this guy and he will be 40 in a couple of months, never been married, busy career. What are the odds he will seriously involve himself with a single mother of a 9 yo?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 3:06pm
Judy,
I agree with you on every single point!
I am not rushing to get hitched but I am upfront about being realistic when it comes to having more children. I am not going to hide the fact that I am not having kids in my 40's. It's up to the man to decide if they are willing to take on this journey knowing this.
I don't want to end up in a bad marriage again.
I basically told him that I would be ok with either having more kids or not. I have a child already so my clock isn't really ticking - not from my point of view.
I am concerned with finding the right man that I can be in a mutually stimulating relationship with.
I do like this man. It does make me wonder perhaps if he would be better off with a younger person and without children but I suppose I will leave it up to him to make that decision for himself.
I just feel I don't want to bring serious children talk right away because it's not like I am shopping for a husband or anything and I don't need him to pay my bills. At this point I want to know if we are compatible as dates and if he really likes me the way I am :) Does this make sense?


Edited 7/11/2005 3:07 pm ET ET by ivos2004
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 3:37pm
And I agree 100%. In my early OLD days I had been turned down repeatedly on that basis (or that was their excuse LOL). I became extremely frustrated and started replying with comments like "Good luck with that. Let me know how you do...Ha ha.". It didn't solve anything, but I *felt* better!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Mon, 07-11-2005 - 3:40pm

I understand what you are saying.

I think the most important point is that he likes you and he sees you as a fit for his situation. You can like a guy all you want and feel connections that would rock the whole universe. But if you don't have that back you are only spinning your wheels. And there is nothing you can really do to get it - he has to give you that.

You will know the answer by his actions.

I think you could/should have an upfront discussion about the "no" in his profile - why did he put that there?

My goal right now is to have fun dating - date casually - don't let any one go too fast - but certainly to find the right guy for a LTR headed to marriage. I would not waste my time dating someone that is not marriage material. I want someone who is crazy about me just the way I am. It is only a matter of time - and not wasting time with the wrong one.

Good luck and keep us posted!!

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