need opinion whether to bother or not
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| Thu, 03-03-2005 - 1:22pm |
Hi, I lurk here but now am really torn and hoping for some input from more experienced daters than myself.
I was winked at nearly 2 months ago by a man who I just feel VERY comfortable talking to. We emailed for a few weeks, then he called me....we set up a first date and the day of, he emailed me to say he was sick. I said I was sorry he wasn't feeling well, get some rest and to let me know when he was feeling better. A week went by, I'd see him 'online now' or 'online within 24 hours'....so I emailed him and asked how he was feeling and if he'd still like to get together. He said yes definataly. I didn't hear from him again for a week, but out of the blue on Valentines day he emailed me that he'd been thinking about me and would like to get together. We planned a 2nd first date attempt but that day was a major snowstorm and we both decided it was better to postpone.
I didn't hear from him for about 2 week.(during which time I emailed a few other people and actually went on a few dates, I'm not one to pine away for one person)..then out of the blue yesterday he emailed me again. I replied and said it made me uneasy about making plans again becuause he seemed to have no problem with our having no contact for 2-3 weeks at a time and I'm not clingy but would like to hear more than once a month...LOL.
He called me right away and asked what he could do to reassure me that he really IS interested in me, but he works full time, as do I, and he goes to college at night, as do I, and he has a child and I have two....he feels that with our crazy hectic schedules between us and both of us being students as well (I'm 35 he's 42) that for now that may be the best we can do..........
He may be right, but I kind of wonder of an email a week is expecting too much? Then again, I have been dating right along, and can't hold it against him if he has too.....we have never met face to face.......I don't expect us to be exclusive at LEAST until we meet, I'd just like to really feel like he digs me, kwim?

missy.momof2...
How about getting together for SUNDAY BRUNCH somewhere?
He's not into you. If he were, then he would certainly have tried to make more than two dates in two freakin months.
I don't know how much more of a clear message he could send- perhaps with a giant flashing neon sign?
If he were into you, as soon as you guys had to cancel the first date/meeting (which happens) he would/should have been trying to set up another one.
If he were into you, as soon as you guys had to cancel the SECOND try for the first date/meeting (again, stuff happens- people do get sick, snowstorms blow into town) then he would/should have been trying to set up another one.
An email a week, with limited communication, isn't a huge deal; the lack of interest on his part in establishing a time/day for a date IS. If he is really juggling that much stuff, then it becomes even more important to schedule things, and he isn't doing it.
Move on. NEXT!
I agree with NGOL, give up on this guy and move on. One of the first guys I started with online cancelled on me three weekends in a row before we finally met (yes, I was a nitwit and still agreed to meet him). And then I found out he already had a girlfriend.
I'm all for giving someone a second chance, but I think you can do much better than this guy. He's not worth any more of your time.
Holly
I would tend to agree...if he were really interested in meeting, it would have happened by now.
I wouldn't give any weight to how often you email or don't email...the only thing that counts is the actual meeting. If he's saying that all you can do right now is email and talk on the phone...well, then that's a big fat "NEXT!" as far as I'm concerned! I'd tell him to give you a call if and when he's ready to set up a meeting, but don't hold your breath.
BTW, how can you expect someone you've never met to "dig" you??? I don't understand that.
Sheri
err..I disagree w/ several people. You haven't met this guy even once yet, both of you started from cruising bunch of profiles through OLD, and haven't really had a chance to know more about each other. If he's not responding you after you guys dating for a month or so, sure, I'd say it's a problem and "he's not that into you", but at this stage, you're still looking around, so is he. He still has you in his mind regardless of two failed attempts, so he's certainly interested in you. Don't come to a B & W conclusion yet. Meet him at least once, and see how he responds to you afterwards.
..and don't make any excuse to each other, like, "my kids" "school" etc. etc. You guys would never be able to date with anyone, if you're like this all the time.
Good luck.
Sound advice, tonka. But I just re-read the op and the feeling I got right away is that he is dragging his heels getting to a meeting. I understand about busy, but if I didn't have the time to put into dating I would not approach someone.
This kind of guy, and there are many such in OLD, really really really would like to be seeing a woman but hasn't made it enough of a priority to make the time. The trap a person could fall into is to become email lovers which is NOT real life.
Probably not a JNTIY situation, but note that she is the one who initiated most of the contact.
To me that is definitely at least a *pink* flag.
amjay