Need A REACTION Assessment

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2006
Need A REACTION Assessment
5
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 12:00am
Hi Guys it's me Butters again, I'm so happy to have this place to go and pick brains with a great bunch! :) Here is a little something I'm not sure how to take:
If you read my other post then you know what a tough time I'm having and that dating has been hard for me and very new since I'm coming out of a long bad marriage. I met this guy through Myspace and I just want to say that I set up Myspace just for friends, not for dating. Anyway, this guy was really cute, local. single, hard worker etc... we seemed to click when we chatted and I checked out as much as I could about him. I eveloped a little crush on him so I was thrilled when one weekend nite he found me online and we chatted for hours and the chat developed into "deep flirting" with some R rated pix exchanged (nothing bad on my end but good ones on his). I thought this guy really liked me, we talked until 4am and had kept in light touch for awhile. I had even gotten so excited about him that I showed his picture to my son (I know jumped the gun) because he looked alot like my brother. After that nite I never heard from him again. I noticed eventually I was removed from his friend list and when I visited his site I noticed that all his friends were gone but not all his comments, mine were though. I thought he was having a problem with his site so I sent him a email, no reply. This was about 3-4 weeks ago. Then tonight out of sheer cuiousity I visited his site and it was redone. All of his old friends were back on his page but all my comments had been deleted still. Then I read through his other comments and saw comments about pix of his kids more and more. Then I saw changes in his profile that read he is now married and a proud parent and sure enough there were pictures of kids. Disgusted I couldn't resist sending an email saying "I came across your profile and saw your married with kids, congrats ;)" I know he probably was ridding his site of all evidence and I won't hear anything and I hope I won't, so sick of guys like these.
I feel like a sucker, I just really liked him. Anyone have tips for myspace? I love that site but don't like it for dating and don't expect to use it that way but there are some great people there. Also any tips for warning signs for guys like this? Any what would you do? Ignore him or post the lude pix he sent me on the internet???(lol I m above that as tempting as it is)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2005
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 12:14am

Butter, please take this in the way it is intended. I am 47. I have been out on the OLD scene for awhile. Please take time to heal. This OLD stuff is for people who have a shell of steel. It is brutal and it is cruel. I don't know what the other people on this site will tell you. Myspace is a real crapshoot and not for the faint of heart as is Match, and Yahoo.

Please do not take the responses (or non-responses) you get from these places as any reflection on you.

Hugs.....

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 1:19am

I think the best tip for myspace is not to use it, LOL!

Seriously...that site strikes me as being all about ego.

And I don't chat with anyone haven't met in person and gone out with a bunch of times--in my experience, men who want to chat are either into cybersex or they just want to get their jollies from chatting with 100 different women and have no intentions of meeting (whether it's because they are married, like this guy, or because they are just internet players or whatever).

I would just ignore the guy and learn from the experience. If you're going to chat, keep it brief, and definitely don't get into anything that's even CLOSE to cybersex.

And you can't "like" someone you've never met...you liked the fantasy you had of him, not *him*. Nothing's real until you meet in person!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2006
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 7:20am
I actually love myspace. What I do and what my advice is look at who they have for friends. Just the people on their top list should be able to tell you about a person. As for warning signs- I would say X-rated pics or any over-the-top sex talk. I would definitely ignore this guy! He obviously didn't respect you or his relationship with his wife. I've had some great experiences with myspace for dating actually. Of course I've had a couple not so great people contact me but that's what the block button's for hehehe Like any other site you've just got to weed out the men and realize people aren't always say who they are. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 12:57pm

There are predators, creeps and losers on Myspace and in all of cyberspace, just as in the real world. My tip is, treat online chatting like you would in the real world -- don't reveal too much too soon, keep to "safe" chit-chat topics, don't get too excited about someone until you've met AND have had time to get to know him, and NEVER share personal information like your phone number, last name or e-mail address until you have met and feel comfortable with someone.

#1 - be safe and protect yourself, because there are people out there who will try to take advantage of you.

I'm not saying not to use the Internet to meet people. I do OLD and I have a myspace page. Just be selective about who you let be your "friend."

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 4:00pm

Butter, I feel your pain but you are NOT ready for OLD or any type of relationship at this point. You are trying to fill a void and this guy did just that that particular evening. You don't actually "like" him; you just had a few hours where your mind was preoccupied with conversation and nude shots. Nothing more; nothing less.

I personally don't think at this time you need to be on ANY site seeking companionship. As you state, you have us here on the Board for conversation and encouragement.

Myspace and other sites have these types of guys on them. Trust me, I know what you are going through. If you don't work on your healing process, you will end up with a guy who is just like your EX or worse. Don't do that to yourself -- your worth more than that!