Need Some Advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2005
Need Some Advice
85
Fri, 02-02-2007 - 2:16am

I had been talking to this guy from an online dating site and we decided to meet last weekend. Well, the date seemed to go well. We met for drinks and talked for hours and he wanted to do something after we left the restaurant, but it was late and not much was open. He said that he definitely wanted to go out with me again. When we were leaving the restaurant he was hugging me and holding my hand and told me that I was very pretty. He was acting interested. Well, it has been nearly 6 days now and he hasn't called. I was thinking that maybe I should just call him and tell him that I head a nice time last week, but don't know if I should. I am a little confused right now because when we met he was acting interested and I expected to hear from him by now. Has this happened to anyone else? What should I do? I really thought that this guy had some potential and I am very disappointed right now.

Thanks

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 10:37am
-- Deleted --


Edited 2/9/2007 5:47 am ET by coolas
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 11:24am

I was wondering the same thing!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 11:29am

I just think that incosiderate is just plain incisiderate and saying that he is just being a guy is an excuse.


Oh, it's definitely an "excuse."

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 11:39am

You are somehow implying that as if the woman is somehow at fault.


No, no, that's not true.

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 11:47am

I think of the whole HJNTIY concept as a clever, marketable way of saying "he's just not the right guy for you". So rather than getting all twisted up in how "into" you a guy is, I try to focus on evaluating whether he's right for me.

So--is a guy who gives you this level of attention right for you, regardless of the reason why? That's the question you should be asking yourself, IMO.

It may have nothing to do with you--he may having stuff going on in his life that makes it difficult for him to date someone regularly, he may have other women he's dating that take up his time, he may have a serious health problem like I found out the Rescheduler does--who knows? But the bottom line is, you're not getting the level of attention that you'd like from a potential partner at this point in the dating process.

Oh, and rarely is a guy going to be honest with you about how "into" you he is--he wants to keep his options open and telling you that is going to cut options off. So I think asking is a big waste of time, in most instances.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 4:32pm

"So--is a guy who gives you this level of attention right for you, regardless of the reason why? That's the question you should be asking yourself, IMO."

Hmm.. Yes, I was pondering this, this evening. I think you're right and I guess the bottom line with this guy is, that he isn't willing or able (don't know which) to give sufficient time to me to make it worth going through the 'is he going to be in touch and when' BS after each date. If he does get in touch again, I will go out with him one more time and lay it out there in black and white (step it up, or bugger off) and let the chips fall where they may. If he doesn't get in touch then this is all moot and I'm thinking it won't be so terrible; as engaging and attractive as he is, he is also incredibly arrogant and I get the feeling, rather selfish too. It sure has been a ride though!

Thanks for the advice.

Coolas

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 4:43pm

I would venture to guess that if you end up having that conversation with him, he'll most likely assure you that he'll step it up, but then nothing will change (which is kind of what has happened a couple times already if I'm reading your previous post correctly).

Anyway, keep me posted! Did you read in my other post that I found out why my disappearing guy has been so sporadic?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 4:56pm

LOL!! I am sure you're right about that! I'll keep you posted, though I do feel we are nearing the end of the story!

Yes, I did read about the re-scheduler's problem, quite a shocking thing to find out - has he been in touch at all?

Take care, and thanks for your words of wisdom.

Coolas

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 5:02pm
I do agree that in some cases it's not all that black and white. There could be a guy that is into you but has some other stuff going on in his life that he just doesn't want to even go there and start a relationship. Maybe he thought he was ready to start something, but then put some thought into it and realized that he wasn't for whatever reason. Could be he is still too heartbroken over a past breakup and doesn't want to rebound, he needs to further his career, etc etc. This guy may have fallen into that category but as someone said, you can guess why all you want but you will never really know. There has to be 2 factors involved: The guy is into you (enough to see a possible future) and he has to be at a point in his life where he is ready to put a relationship as a top priority. I've had this happen too when I was dating and it wasn't only from online. I met up with a guy I met at a friend's wedding (friend of a friend) who showed a lot of interest in me too because he called, asked me out and planned a nice dinner etc etc, but I had to call him to ask if he wanted to hang out again and he didn't seem too enthusiastic. Who knows what happened, but I guess it's all about whether you can accept a guy who is luke warm or keep trucking and find someone who is more obviously into you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 5:25pm
I agree to an extent on this that men should be more considerate and let the woman know right away whether they want to continue to date but many men just chicken out and can't tell a woman this so they try to leave subtle clues by not returning phone calls and such and hoping that the woman will catch on to it. It's hard for anyone, male or female to tell the other person the truth when we think it may hurt their feelings. I agree that people should just tell the truth and stop trying to leave "subtle clues" that are translated to game playing. Sometimes too the guy could be confused and think that they really like someone and then later on decide that the person is not who they want. As a woman, I've also been confused to about whether or not I liked someone and I gave the guys a chance and dated them a few times just to see, but it's only when I knew for sure that I didnt' see myself with them and that there was no chemistry that I was able to be honest and tell them I didn't feel the chemistry. I did tell them exactly that too so that there would be no confusion as to why i didn't want to continue to date them, it wasn't to hurt their feelings. But I think before I was honest with them they may have thought I was playing games too because I was "too busy" to go out a lot of the times. I just couldn't find a way to break out the truth and I was trying to find my own truth. I think this happens a lot with guys and people in general. If we could all just be straight up and honest without worrying about hurting the other person, and know for sure what we are looking for and not have to think about it then I think there would be less people out there who think that they are being played with

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