In need of some advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In need of some advice
3
Wed, 04-23-2003 - 9:36am
It has been a long time since i've posted here, and I'm not really sure why I'm posting here maybe to just get all of this out of my head. I've been talking to this guy online for about 7 or 8 months now. When we first started talking he kind of got on my nerves a little but after a while he kind of grew on me. He lives in Alabama and I live in Indiana. He's told me all about his past relationships and things and the girls he's been dating. He was always the reliable one. I knew if I got home in time I would alwyas catch him online and we could talk before going to bed.

He's told me numerous times how he feels about me, which I feel the same way. I've always been the one to talk him through things. Whenever he's upset and wanting to talk he spills it all to me. He's told me many times how he feels comfortable tellimg me things and how I'm his best friend. He's sad that if we lived loser he would try and date me, which I think I would be fun.

We've talked before on voice chat and recently I took a trip and when I was away I called him pretty much everynight. It was just weird not being able to talk to him while I was gone. He mentioned the other day how he's tried to get me to open up to him and that every time I change the subject and never let him in. But, he knows I do that to everyone not just him.

But here's the problem, I know that he likes me more then just friends, he's told me that.

And I know that I like him, more then just friends. We both went out on dates Saturday night and I couldn't help but think how much more fun I would have been having if I was on a date with him instead of the guy I was with. I know that he won't wait around for me to move down there or him to move closer to me, he's not that type of guy. But now it's like I don't get to talk to him since he's always with the girl that he's dating. I know that I'm jelous of her, but I don't want to tell him that. He's said recently that I'll alwyas have a special part of his heart.

I just don't know if I should just come clean and tell him or let things go. I know that even if I did say something to him he would still contiune to date other girls and everything would stay the same. It just makes things very very very hard. If you have any advice on what I should do, please help!!!!

SponBon

ps sorry so long

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Wed, 04-23-2003 - 10:42am
Welcome.(again?) lol One thing, is that screen name anything close to spongebob square pants? Im sorry, I am a mother of two little boys that absolutely love that cartoon character. So, it just reminded me! lol Anywho. Advice. Now, first of all...How do you know he wont stop dating other girls? Would you stop dating other men if he wanted to be serious? Well, I think you should be honest about your feelings for him and see where is goes from there. The best relationships start out as friendships. So, you have accomplished the hard part already. He can talk to you, which is plus. You just need to shed some light on how you feel to him and maybe you two can start something more serious. You will never know until you try. Dont be scared. The worst thing that can happen, is you two will remain friends. Which, I dont see as a bad thing. He is in your life and if he is a true friend, he will always be. Tell him and see what happens. Keep us all posted. Thanks for coming back and stick around! we are here for anything you need to say!

gail
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 04-23-2003 - 12:34pm
A fellow hoosier, welcome back :) If I were you, I would write and email, or when you do catch him online, is to try your best to open up to him. I know sometimes past experiences make it so you don't want to let someone into your head or heart. But if you feel strongly about wanting to try to work something out with him, then I think he'll realize your serious and have better insight into you. Let him know that you miss talking to him and it makes you think maybe you'd like to try to work a relationship out with him. Generally, when people date online moving isn't the first step in seeing each other, even though it is what you ultimately would want in the end. I would work out one of you visiting each other. About not thinking that neither one of you would move to be together, I think you'd be surprised what someone would do for the person they love.

Best of luck,

Kristina

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 04-23-2003 - 5:23pm
Well first of all no my name has nothing to do with spongebob squarepants. It's an inside joke between me and one of old friends. And I have a pretty good feeling that even if I told him how I felt he still wouldn't stop dating other girls. Back in Februrary he started talking to this other girl online and they where suppose to meet. SHe lived in Maryland and he thought she was "the one". He said he had never felt like this about anyone and things like that. He would talk to her for hours on the phone and sent her a valentines gift and everything.

He then met another girl and even though he felt that way about this girl in Maryland, he still dated the girl he met that was closer to him. He's told me many of times that he feels more comfortbale telling me things then the girls that he's went out with. Which I find kind of odd. WE just seem to have this odd relationship. So even if I did truly express all my feelings to him, I don't think that it would change our relationship at all.I mean he's already said that if lived closer he would want to date me. He's just the type of guy that if he's in a relationship he wants her to be there with him and be able to spend time with her and things like that.

I hope that clears a few things up!

SponBon