Need to vent....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Need to vent....
19
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 8:04am

Hi all,

I apologize in advance for my negativity. It's one of those rare occasions where I need to bitch!

So last Saturday I went on that date. I thought it went well. He seemed like he was tempted to reach for my hand. The eye contact was good. He mentioned upcoming movies and possibly going to an amusement park. He said it'd be easier to keep in contact now that the holidays are over and we're back in town.

Sunday evening I sent a thank you email. It's Thursday morning and I haven't heard back. Last night and the night before when I was on match (emailng other men,thankyouverymuch,) I saw he was online. Usually he's not overly pokey to reply.

It's just like, why say that stuff? Why take the long walk back and walk so slowly when it's cold out? Why say words and act actions that show interest, then not contact me?

Maybe I'm being impatient. Maybe I'm not. The fact of the matter is, if I wasn't interested in someone or was unsure about wanting to see them again, I'd express such in the best way I could. If you're not sure if you want to or don't want to see me again, SAY IT. Frickin communicate!!!

Urgh!!! Pisses me off!!!

Thanks for letting me vent. Grrr/sigh.

Pink

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 10:53am

That scenario has happened to most of us who have done OLD for any length of time.

Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 7:14pm

Thanks for your reply, SP.

I really thought he'd reply and I'm shocked. Completely.

I know it's life and life happens, but it blows me away.

It's one thing to not be interested. It's another to imply, show and say interest, then suddenly be gone. What the hell.

I'll get over it. Just not yet.
My roommate thinks I'll hear from him yet.
For once she's more optimistic than I.

Pink

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 1:53am
Sorry to hear about your frustration. It does happen way too often. I don't understand it either myself but like SP said, they seem to get caught up in the moment and then they decide that they don't want to continue for whatever reason and the easiest way out (they think) is to just ghost and assume that you'll get the message. But I think that is wrong, especially after you have been on a date with someone. If you are just emailing then maybe it's ok but it's not cool to just stop contacting.
I have a friend who had been dating this guy for a few weeks and things were going super well and she cooked him dinner this last Sunday. She called him twice since and he never returned her phone calls, talk about a crappy deal. I feel really bad for her. People can be so rude sometimes. The least he could have done is call her and tell her that he doesn't think that there is a connection or something but to not say anything after dating for a couple of weeks and things going very well is not right. Keep at it and hang in there and you will find someone who is worth your while who will have no problems sticking around and love spending time with you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 4:09am
I have had a few dates here it seemded FINE... they extended the date (like we met for drinks & then THEY said "how about dinner") etc ... & then they said "we should do this again" & then E'd the same thing --- & then DISSAPEAR!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2006
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 3:57pm

Hi Pink,

I'm sorry that you had to experience the frustration, but this is all part of OLD. I totally relate to what you are saying, it has happened to me several times. Why can't these guys just be honest, if they are NOT sure of wanting to see you again, why play like they are interested and lead you on! Then there's the ones that you date for a few weeks, all seems good, than they vanish! One guy that did this recently contacted me again and I responded with "remember, we had several dates and you ghosted on me, why in the world would you contact me now?"....his reply was he felt he could fall hard for me and didn't think I was that interested...he never replied when I asked him "why" he thought I wasn't interested, unless it was because I wouldn't have a makeout session...so who knows what goes through their simple minds? I really do think that a lot of these guys get scared off (they may like you), have NO idea what they really want, are just "testing the waters" to see if they can get a date, are NOT emotionally available, but think they are when you first start dating, are really NOT available (in another relationship or just coming out of one), or they just want to satisfy their manly desires! I know it's hard to keep doing the OLD thing, I have quit several times, only to come back because I wouldn't have met 30 guys face-to-face in the last year had I not done OLD.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 5:44pm

Yeah, this kind of thing is common. It's ridiculous that some of them go as far as acting like they're making more plans with you (ie. the amusement park, movies) and then ghost.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 9:40pm

Yeah it's become apparent that it is common. Ideally it wouldn't happen to anyone! I'd rather be hurt by the truth then teased or pleased with a lie.

It seems like this a rite of passage for online dating. You live you learn!

Thanks for making me feel less alone. :)

Pink

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 9:54pm

You know, I have come to think it isn't "a lie." I think when the guy acts like he's interested, and says he's going to call, etc. he really means it. I think that what happens is these guys just aren't that motivated and any little thing distracts them, and then they are just too lazy or too chicken to be polite and say good bye.

I don't think they deliberately pretend to want to see a woman only to disappear. (I'm sure there are some like that, but I bet they're the extreme exception.)

What I think happens is they get carried away by the moment. The woman's pleasure in his company makes the guy feel good, he wants to do this some more/again. But when they separate, he rethinks the experience, maybe because he doesn't want to commit, maybe because something else comes up, maybe because he meets another woman... who knows.

I think it is fickleness and cowardice more than dishonesty (in most cases).

It is still maddening.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 11:36pm

Yeah. You just wonder how they can go from talking with and emailing someone for quite awhile, to meeting them and saying they enjoy it, to nothingness. It's like, what's the thought process there? There probably isnt one!

Pink

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 11:56pm
I think they are all chicken *@&$(@&% !

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