Need to vent....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Need to vent....
19
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 8:04am

Hi all,

I apologize in advance for my negativity. It's one of those rare occasions where I need to bitch!

So last Saturday I went on that date. I thought it went well. He seemed like he was tempted to reach for my hand. The eye contact was good. He mentioned upcoming movies and possibly going to an amusement park. He said it'd be easier to keep in contact now that the holidays are over and we're back in town.

Sunday evening I sent a thank you email. It's Thursday morning and I haven't heard back. Last night and the night before when I was on match (emailng other men,thankyouverymuch,) I saw he was online. Usually he's not overly pokey to reply.

It's just like, why say that stuff? Why take the long walk back and walk so slowly when it's cold out? Why say words and act actions that show interest, then not contact me?

Maybe I'm being impatient. Maybe I'm not. The fact of the matter is, if I wasn't interested in someone or was unsure about wanting to see them again, I'd express such in the best way I could. If you're not sure if you want to or don't want to see me again, SAY IT. Frickin communicate!!!

Urgh!!! Pisses me off!!!

Thanks for letting me vent. Grrr/sigh.

Pink

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 12:13am

On that note, I think the world is full of commitment phobes. How is one to tell a seriously stable and willing to commit guy from one who appears to be, but really is a commitment phobe? :P

Pink

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 11:27am

Yah that's me, chicken ... bawk bawk bawk....

I agree with Pink, there is no thought process. I think that the guys say something in-the-moment, expressing a desire to meet again but then ...

From all of this you have reminded me how I ghosted a couple of CL contacts where I posted an ad and actually talked to them on the phone but let it drop. I never met them and never sadi I would but still... I still have their contact info and have it on my "list" to call them again but never got around to it.

Chicken Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 1:32pm

I am going to add a controversial opinion so everyone don't jump on me. OLD is an unnatural way to meet and develop a relationship with someone. Normally, I don't shop in a catalog based on self-reported characteristics to develop my close women friends. They just develop naturally and normally through my day to day life. OLD is a modern day aberration (I'm not saying it is bad or not needed) that we try to fit into the more natural, what I call 'organic' methods of developing friendships and relationships. Because it is not 'natural', you can expect equivalent strange behavior.

5 minutes for my soapbox. I really wished we lived in a world where we didn't have to try to find love in a catalogue.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 1:35pm

But I think that's just the point many of try to make on here--don't TRY to "develop a relationship" online!

It's best when used as a method of increasing the number of people you have a chance to meet. Take it to real life ASAP and get to know them by dating them in person just like you would if you met them in another context.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 1:52pm

I agree. But everything leading up to the initial meeting is unnatural and rings false. Most of us meet people in a comfortable common setting (school, work, friends), get to know them over a period of time, develop an interest and take it from there. In OLD, we persue a catalogue, exchange information and then meet and within a short period of time, try to determine if we want to have a relationship with this person. Nothing was natural and organic from the get-go, hence the odd behavior we see.

To me it is very similar to eating junk food. In our world today, too many of us are unknowledgeable or lack the time to prepare a good wholesome meal and take the time to eat it. Therefore we drive up to a fast food place, eating in our car and end up getting fat and malnourished.

We are hungry for love and companionship in our modern world and for most of us, OLD is the only approach we have.

Wow...I am really going off topic. I'll stop for now

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 2:17pm

Interesting--I've actually never had a lasting romantic relationship develop that way. Even in the "old" days, I would meet men out and about, they'd ask me out based on just talking for a little while (say at a bar, a party or a concert) and we'd go right to dating. I've never done the "friends first" thing--or rather I've never had a lasting relationship result from that.

So for me OLD is just the modern day equivalent of meeting at a party and giving him your phone number.

And there's no reason you can't take things slow and get to know someone over time from OLD.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 3:22pm

Being new to all this online "stuff", I really enjoy all the different opinions you all have! OLD seems to be like most things in life - not black or white, but gray.

I do know that I am part to blame for what happened. An expectation was built, to an extent. The guy and I started communicating before the holidays and didn't actually meet until over a month later. During that time, we were in email/phone contact. I knew from what I read on here and on other sites that I should have met him sooner, but it just didn't work. This is kind of a "guinea pig" experience, in a way. I still don't think it's right to say one thing and do another, but I'm 95% over it, now. :)

Based off the last few postings, I must also say that I still ponder over how soon you should meet someone. If a guy doesn't suggest meeting within the first few emails, should the gal step up and request it? On the note of finding someone "naturally," would the most "natural" way to OLD be to email/talk on the phone for as long as it takes to "spill over" into actually meeting? Or bite the bullet and meet ASAP?

This post is kind of random and all over the place. :P But I'm going to leave it that way!

Pink

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 5:28pm

I err on the side of taking it to real life ASAP. If that means nudging the guy in that direction after 3-4 emails, then so be it ;-). And if for some reason it's not working to meet right away because of our respective schedules, then I space the emails far apart to compensate.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2007
Sun, 01-21-2007 - 11:37am
I have had the same crap happen to me....I am thinking that men in general expect you to put out or something on the first date..then you will get the call back sorry I am not stooping to that level but its the truth to an extent(been there a time or two not again I am worth way to much than that)they are so damn picky these days about going out on a date they want to meet at the bar or some crap like that I call it a cheap date I dont care how you put it....take me out to dinner and a movie what ever happened to those days....are they long gone or what??? My dad was very floored and pissed off that I was going on a date that consisted of going to the bar for a drink...he agreed men are lazy and are not repectful of women these days at all...I am not here to play games with men I want it to be staight forward from the get go....if you are not interested dont play me...I must say I am still very gullible even in my 30's....I am just to open and too trusting...that is my downfall I guess....guess I am venting too thanks Pink.....I am not the only one....woo woo

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