Need a women's opinion with online match

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2009
Need a women's opinion with online match
12
Sat, 06-13-2009 - 12:58pm

Okay, where to start. I met this girl on match.com in December. We exchanged e-mails back and forth and met for a coffee drink in the 31st of December. Everything was going I assumed well. Speed past to the sixth date. At her home I brought the question up where is this going. Reason being, when she come over to my house for dinner she was a bit ancy and figity on the third date. Anyways, at the end of the date, we kissed twice and I said would you like to do something for Valentines day. She said, awe thats so sweet and said yes. I made plans and e-mailed them to her. I live in Manhattan she lives (just bought a apt) in Connecticut. Then, that Monday, she looked at my profile again. Weird, cause she had not looked at it since December. E-mailed her to see how everything is going, she said great. I then got some basketball tickets and IM'd her if she'd like to go. Never responded. That got me thinking something was wrong. Anyway, on that Friday, she was going to come over and we were to go out to dinner and some entertainment. I e-mailed her on Thursday, and she said, at first yes. Then said well, I am tutoring Friday and then have something early on Monday and she suggested we should cancel cause she did not think we would have enough time together. Mind you this was like 24 hours before the set date. I said OK. Did you want me to cancel Valentine's day too? She IM'd four hours later and said yes. Two weeks later she e-mailed me saying she had great times with me, but did not feel that explosion in her stomach with me that she was looking for. Keep in mind, all we've been doing is dinner and movies. Replied back and she never replied back to my next e-mail.

Forward two months later. I still cannot stop thinking about her. I had this event coming up in May which was for one of the women she looks up too. Didn't cost me anything and e-mailed her to see if she would like to go. E-mailed back the next day and said thank you and it would be a great date. We should speak before the event. I replied back and said I am surprised you wanted to go. If I thought you would had said yes before, I would had invited you to another event back in April. Anyways, she's always hard to get on the phone and most conversations were out of IM text or e-mail. So I said in the e-mail since you are always very busy and hard to get a hold of, call me when you get a chance so we can go over things. She never called or e-mailed back.

Now, I know she is still looking, as she keeps on changing her profile on Match like crazy. Seems no one is good enough for her. Her exact quote on her profile is I have met some really great guys, but no one who really gives me that explosion in my stomach. That is what I am looking for.

Bare in mind, I still, after all this time cannot stop thinking of her. Every date I go on I compare her to them and they do not add up. Since I am like never in CT its going to be hard to bump into her. So, what do I do? Everyone is telling me to forget about her, which I've tried, but it does not work. Ideally, I would like to get her back. I mean the last date we had in Feb. she was holding my hand, kissed twice (though on the second one she kissed my nose instead of my lips) and even said she found me interesting and intriguing. How can that turn into what really happened weeks after? I really thought there was a good chance when she replied back and said yes to the even in May. But then, silence after that.

Really confused and do not know what to do.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2009
Sat, 06-13-2009 - 4:12pm

"Explosion in her stomach"? If she wants that all she needs to go is eat some bad meat, sour milk, or bad mexican food...That will give all the explosion in her stomach she could ever want.....


I'm not sure why you are pining for her so much? I honestly don't think its because she is fabulous and doesnt compare to any other woman, but that she "got away" and you don't want to "lose". I don't mean its all just a game, its just the best way to explain it. Guys always want what they can't have. Always. Obviously she is seeing other people, probably quite a few other people. My best advice, let it go. Stop contacting her, stop looking at her profile, stop IMing. Move on. I promise, if she is into you, she WILL come to you. If she's not into you....well, theres nothing you can do to "win" her back and all you are doing is making yourself look desperate. No woman wants a guy who constantly chasing her all the time and always at her beck and call. Thats boring.

 
Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sat, 06-13-2009 - 4:16pm

The short answer is: let her go and get on with your life.

I think sometimes women (and men) really WANT something to work out. Perhaps they are on the fence about the other person--sometimes they feel attracted, but sometimes not. Their behavior can seem confusing, and they may even be confused themselves. But, if she actually sent you an email saying that you were not what she is looking for, I would believe it. I just don't think after all this time that she is going to change her mind.

I know it sucks. You might want to just not date anyone right now until you get over her more, so that you won't be comparing her to other women. Believe me, you deserve a woman who wants you just as much as you want her.

Best of luck to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2009
Sat, 06-13-2009 - 4:21pm
You make all the valid points. But, to be clear, aside from the e-mail in May, I did not try to contact her since February. I don't run after women. Nor do I expect any of them to run after me. You are right that it does look, well, desperate. Hence why I don't do it. To be honest, I do not know why. She's average looking, so its not like its the lust factor. Maybe I respected her independence and POV on life. Not really sure. Will continue to move on. Maybe I just needed to vent some where.. Where better than here. Thanks again for your rationale. I do appreciate it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2008
Tue, 06-16-2009 - 3:06pm

ITA with Scarlett!! This girl doesnt want a happy, healthy relationship! She wants a kick to the abdomen! Shes addicted to the dating game.


Move on and find someone worth your time.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2009
Wed, 06-17-2009 - 10:00am
All very true. Yea, I do not plan on contacting her again. Slowly but surely moving on. Not as easy as I thought to forget about someone. I guess it is easier if your a serial dater or something. That, is not me. Takes me a while to get over someone. Guess I should grow a thicker skin in the dating word. I always thought a woman wanted someone warm, confident and with character. I guess I need to treat dating more like a business relationship. Boy, have times changed in the last ten years. It used to be so much easier. I guess, for women, with oodles of guys falling over them, there really is no reason to concentrate on one man.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Wed, 06-17-2009 - 11:00am

I think you also need to learn a lesson from this and


1) Do not get so attached so quickly - I mean, criminy, you went on a few dates over about 6 weeks and now you can't forget her for 4 months!

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2009
Wed, 06-17-2009 - 2:02pm
No doubt. I have dated others. I didn't really think there was a good fit with any of them. Normally, moving on is not a problem, but not sure why on this one. Its was more like 8 not 4 dates BTW. No matter, I have initiated on girls on the dating sites. Not many reply. Guess its the luck of the draw.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
Thu, 06-18-2009 - 5:08am
Really confused and do not know what to do.


Dude, thank your lucky stars she's a state or two away... because if she was in your city/town, you'd be the total "friend" guy, always slobbering around after her, helping her move, all that kind of happy-crappy BS where you're all into her and she knows it and she strings you along JUST enough that you can't give it up and move on but you're continually miserable...


Give it up. She's REALLY not into you. You're acting the fool, and trust me, as hard as it is to believe, but there's another woman out there somewhere who'll fit as well or better AND who will also be into YOU.


The more time you waste on this one, who is more or less completely untouchable, the longer it'll be before you find the one who really is the right fit... so move on and get to it!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2009
Sun, 06-21-2009 - 8:20am

I agree with the other comments you've received and will say it again that you need to move on.


You asked how you can get her back but it doesn't sound like you had her to begin with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2010
Tue, 06-23-2009 - 1:30pm

Sorry this happened.

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