Nervous and new to this board!!!!!

Avatar for riparalegal
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Nervous and new to this board!!!!!
4
Tue, 10-21-2003 - 4:21pm
Hello everyone!

I've done online dating before and it never turned out good but this time it feels a little different and I really don't want to screw it up!!!!

I'm second guessing everything I type to him and I'm nervous about messing up and saying something I shouldn't ... help!! I read into things way too much as it is and I don't want to overthink things with him ... for example, his profile is still up which is fine because mine is but I know I'm not looking and what if he still is? It's wayyyyyy to early to start having "discussions" like those with him!

We've seen each other twice now and have been talking for about 3 weeks (the first 2 weeks were just talking on the phone and emailing). He asked if we could maybe see each other this Thursday again and I said yes and he also asked about taking me on a double date next weekend hiking with a friend of his so it would be an overnight which I'm totally okay with so plans are in the works. I am starting to really like this guy!

Are there signs I should watch out for that I've either said something wrong or that he's interested ... etc.? I'm sure I'm going to have lots of questions, I hope you all don't mind!!!

:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-22-2003 - 10:13am
Even though you typed and talked before you met it has only been 3 dates - still at the stage where he has no obligation to call you again or you, him - so protect yourself. What I try to do early on is limit non in-person contact - constant IM-ing - it's cute, it's fun but it's irrelevant and he could get bored if you're just chit chatting all day - no time to miss you or get to know you in person. I've met about 50 men in person from on line sites over the last 2.5 years - I try to have a max of two or three emails and two phone conversations and meet shortly after the initial contact so I have no different expectations than if we met at a party - I never feel like I know the person any better from emailing or IM - I know that it is a persona most of the time and has no relevance to what dating the person will be like. Often i have loved the voice or the writing style but in person it is something different entirely - so just relax, enjoy and let him do 99% of the pursuing and planning at this very early stage.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Wed, 10-22-2003 - 10:32am
Hi,

I agree w/ Deena - you barely know him, so just focus on getting to know him and relax about other stuff. I agree w/you that it is WAY too early to talk about taking down your profiles. You hardly know each other. I would wait to talk about taking down profiles until and if you discuss exclusivity ( and for me, this talk usually occurs after 1-3 months of dating).

Also, don't worry so much about what you write. Focus on being yourself - if you are you and he doesn't like that, then eventually things wouldn't work out anyways. So don't stress over every word you type. I also agree w/Deena that it is best in the beginning to limit emails/phone calls.

Now, you didn't ask about this, but I have one more comment. Are you looking for a long term relationship? If so, I suggest that you reconsider going on an overnight trip as a fourth date. It's just not something that I would do if I were looking for an LTR - that's something I'd do after I'm seeing someone exclusively. For me it would be too much too soon on a fourth date w/someone I barely knew. I also will not be intimate w/a guy until we are exclusive. Just my way of doing things, feel free to disregard.

Btw, I think it's a good sign that he wants you to meet his friend. Good luck! :-)

ginger

Avatar for riparalegal
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-22-2003 - 11:53am
Thanks to you both!

I don't know why I'm so worked up about this. If it's going to work then it will and I can't control it either way ... I just wish I could force myself to keep that in mind!

We exchanged one email this morning and I haven't heard back from him so I'm trying to just remember that he's probably just really busy with work and can't write back. I just hope it wasn't something else.

I'm not good at new dating! I'm better once in the relationship but the problem is I haven't really had what one can call a relationship to judge things on with this new guy!

Ginger, no there will be no intimacy at all next weekend if the hiking trip happens (depends on the weather). He is aware of that and is fine with it. We are going with a friend of his and his girlfriend.

Avatar for black_katt
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 10-24-2003 - 2:05pm
Don't worry!! New relationship jitters are totally natural. Try not to think too much (something I've been guilty of in the past) and remember to just be you. If he doesn't like you for who you are, then who needs him?!?

I'd say that asking you out a week in advance is a VERY good sign - means he respects that you might have other plans outside of him. I see no problem with the hiking trip and think it will be fun and a good time to get to know each other better.

Go with the flow and try not to think "commitment" just yet. :)