Never been married?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Never been married?
64
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 7:18pm

Something that another poster pointed out started me thinking and I'd like your input on it... (I won't name the poster unless she comes forward and says it was her since I dont' want to call anyone out...)


But here goes... if a man (or woman) has not been married by the age of 35, do you think that's an indicator that he/she cannot hold down a long-term relationship that will result in marriage?


Curious about your thoughts...


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 7:32pm
It's probably unfair to say anything that is blanketed on all people, but....I know one guy that is 40 and I KNOW he will neve get married. He could never commit to one person for the rest of his life. Plus, he is to set in all of his bachelor ways. I've been divorced/separated 7yrs. now and sometimes think how difficult it might be to actually have some other adult living under my roof that I have to "answer to," ect.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2004
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 7:40pm
I have to say that I had a guy I was dating admit to me that he had some red flags about me because I am 34 (turning 35 in 3 months) and have never been married. Although, I have had long term relationships, the fact that I never married concerned him. I had to explain to him that even though I had been in long, committed relationships, there had always been some red flags with these men I had dated and that's why our relationships never led to marriage. I guess I can say that I will not marry until I feel as certain as can be, that this is the relationship I want to have for the rest of my life. If that doesn't happen until I'm 35, 40, 45, 50 then so be it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 7:46pm

>But here goes... if a man (or woman) has not
>been married by the age of 35,

After all the things I've been reading it seems if a person is not twice divorced by 35 they are abnormal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2005
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 7:53pm

I must admit that this is a red flag for me....it doesn't seem to bode well. However, after reading Lukachu's post, I have to reconsider. Obviously, there are many reasons why a person might not marry early in life...in fact in hindsight, except for my two beautiful children I wish I had waited.

However, I would be less than honest if I said I didn't have a little question mark in the back of my mind. It wouldn't stop me from getting to know someone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 7:56pm
I wanted to add that I have never been married.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2003
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 8:01pm

My brother did not get married until he was 36. He also did not get his first job until he was 35. But, prior to that, he got his PhD, went to medical school, and then did his internship and residency. So, it really depends on what's been going on in a guy's life. My brother did not want to subject his wife to the strain that an internship and residency can put on a marriage. By the way, they've been married for almost 22 years :-) and she's a doctor too.

Now, if a guy is 45-50 and never been married, that's a red flag to me

Avatar for travkitty
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2003
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 8:04pm

As a woman who will turn 32 in March & has not yet been married, nor am I dating anyone right now, it's a definite possibility that I'll still be "never married" at 35. That hasn't indicated that I can't have serious, committed relationships, as I have. I've actually been engaged twice. I think I'm just haven't found a man I could live with for the rest of my life.

Now, anyone who has not had a serious relationship at 35 MAY have some issues. I think someone who has never married isn't cause for concern at all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 8:24pm

>Now, anyone who has not had a serious relationship
>at 35 MAY have some issues. I think someone who has
>never married isn't cause for concern at all.

I completely agree. It would be ironic if someone who is divorced doesn't raise red flags but someone who has never been married does.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 9:01pm
Hi,
I have read these posts with great interest. My divorce was finalized recently after over 2 years of misery, but I have moved around online during that time, checking different dating sites. I must admit that I have found many men who have never been married typically just don't 'get it'. They seem very impatient with the responsibilities that are already on my plate. They seem to expect you to just be available all of the time, to call, IM, or whatever. Has anyone else had this experience?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 9:21pm

Not married by 35? I don't think that's a red flag... but I bring my own experience to it. I was 33 when I got married, AFTER I'd finished school, established a career, and made sure I was through sowing those oats. I also thought being older, I'd be more likely to make the right choice for a mate. Not true...

But, 40 and never married? Gigantic red flag for me. Especially after spending two years dating one of them. He "just hadn't met the right girl." By the time you're 40, there IS no right girl; you've set your expectations so high NO ONE person call fill them all, and you've grown comfortable with discarding them for the slightest "infraction."

Tracy

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