Never been married?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Never been married?
64
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 7:18pm

Something that another poster pointed out started me thinking and I'd like your input on it... (I won't name the poster unless she comes forward and says it was her since I dont' want to call anyone out...)


But here goes... if a man (or woman) has not been married by the age of 35, do you think that's an indicator that he/she cannot hold down a long-term relationship that will result in marriage?


Curious about your thoughts...


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2005
Sat, 10-15-2005 - 11:22am
Happy Birthday!!! What are you doing to celebrate?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Sat, 10-15-2005 - 11:24am

I think you make a valid point, ivos. To generalize the subject to the nth degree, a woman will hang on to a relationship with a future in mind; a man will do so with a future woman in mind.

IMHO ONLY, if a man hasn't popped the question within a year, the odds of him ever doing so are close to zero.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Sat, 10-15-2005 - 11:27am

thanks very much! I'm going out today with the guy I've been seeing for the past 4 months. He's taking me to dinner and says he has a nice present for me. Now this is the first gift-giving occasion since we met, so I'm very curious. I've already joked to him that if my present is a weed whacker, we're through! (Not to pick on weed whackers, I just think it's a funny name).

To add something on topic to this thread, this guy was married for 4 years and has been divorced for nine. He's made comments about how difficult it is to live with another person and I wonder if he's too set in his ways to get married again. Though I've lived alone for so long, I wonder about myself as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Sat, 10-15-2005 - 11:31am
Well surely there has been at least a couple of "Sexy and Obedient" who crossed your path in the last 20 years or so, right ? :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Sat, 10-15-2005 - 11:37am
<>.
My thought exactly but keeping in mind to add - after the age of 30.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 10-15-2005 - 4:56pm
I gotta tell you, I get "red flags" running by my face when I hear a guy has not been married and he is in his mid-30's or older....I automatically think he *probably* has a severe "fear of commitment" thing.
 
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 10-15-2005 - 6:30pm

I thought perhaps I was the OP you had refered to regarding this! I too feel it's somewhat a red flag if a man hasn't been married yet and he's in his mid-late 30's. I

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2004
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 8:35am

I'm not picking on you, Melanie, it's just that a couple things in your post struck a chord with me. I know the point you were trying to make, but as someone who is a week away from turning 36 and never been married, I am no more/less capable of compromise than someone who is divorced. I don't have to make the mistake of marrying the wrong person to gain the ability to give and take in a relationship. I learned how to compromise with a partner from my previous relationships, and even with the friendships I've formed.

I realize most people do not go into marriage thinking it will end it divorce, but I am willing to wait to find the right person for me to share my life with. Maybe I'm being too idealistic, but I want a marriage that will last a lifetime. I don't think that makes me a committmentphobe, or too picky. In fact, most men could probably meet the basic standards I have, but that doesn't make most men right for me.

And seeing that I've heard that more second marriages end in divorce than first ones, I think the idea that a man (or woman) is unlikely to go down that road again is bunk. I guess I just find it amusing that because I did not marry the jerk I was dating while in my mid-20s, my single-status is now a red flag. And here I thought I did a good thing ;)

Holly

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2005
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 8:41am
Exactly how I feel! And I'm also glad I didn't marry the jerk I was seeing at 35...lol.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 10:39am

I agree with you. There are many reasons why a person older than 30 is less inclined to marry. All of them apply to me and none of them have anything to do with fear of commitment or being picky.

1) By 30 they have probably seen many of their friends or acquaintances get married and see that it isn’t the lifestyle for them.

2) By mid 30’s they have probably witnessed a few of these marriages end in divorce. Many of them expensive and bitter.

3) By mid 30’s most people have accumulated assets and therefore have more to lose if a marriage fails.

4) Marriage does not mean a relationship is or will remain successful

5) The divorce statistics don’t make a good case for marriage at all. In fact, statistics show that in most countries you don’t need to bother getting to know someone before getting married. Tossing a coin will yield the same chance of success.

http://www.divorcemag.com/statistics/statsWorld.shtml

http://www.fireyourwife.com/x/divorce_rate.shtml

My answer to the “Red Flags” raised in this thread is that they are only an illusion but the divorce rates are REAL!




Edited 10/16/2005 10:43 am ET by hal_9000

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