Never been married?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Never been married?
64
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 7:18pm

Something that another poster pointed out started me thinking and I'd like your input on it... (I won't name the poster unless she comes forward and says it was her since I dont' want to call anyone out...)


But here goes... if a man (or woman) has not been married by the age of 35, do you think that's an indicator that he/she cannot hold down a long-term relationship that will result in marriage?


Curious about your thoughts...


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 11:52am

Great points Hal! I just turned 36 a week ago and never been married. Hey, anyone can get married and I could have been married years ago "to the wrong person" of course but I choose to wait. I personally believe you should go into marriage with "divorce is not an option" for me unless one cheats, becomes a serial killer or patholigical liar, ha. I just don't buy the "we grew apart" ...... you make it work if you took your vows (sp?) seriously and are committed to the marriage.

I'd rather be alone then with the wrong person - or get married just because my friends are. It has to be right or it won't happen. It takes a strong person like our group here on OLD to be alone - so KUDOS to all of us singulars, we're not settling and we don't need someone for the sake of filling some void!

Good read; thanks!

SP

 
 
Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 5:30pm

I completely agree.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 5:55pm

I'm with ya Peanut...


I went in with the "divorce is not an option" mindset until my spouse became emotionally abusive. After many attempts at counseling, it was clear he did not want to change (or could not) and so I initated the divorce.


Personally, I don't think that a person who has been divorced means they cannot have a solid relationship that leads to marriage. I think in some cases, they may even be more strong-willed about it working out because having one experience with it, well you tend to think of things very differently the next time around.


As for the original topic of men/women who have not been married by a certain age, I do tend to think we get more settled in our ways. Not to say it won't happen, but I think it may be a bit harder to adjust to someone else... But I don't see it as a red flag necessarily.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 5:58pm

What if 'we grew apart' because he let his teeth rot, was more intimate with his video game than with me and proved that in a crisis, I'd be on my own?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 6:08pm

Many people are divorced not because they 'scrapped the marriage' but because their spouse did, it only takes one person to give up and scrap it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 6:28pm
No I don't think it's an indication that they can't have a serious relationship, after all there are plenty of 30 plus and 40 plus women that haven't ever been married and I wouldn't ever want to presume to know what has gone on in their life and their reasonings for not taking certain steps.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 6:32pm
That's because they are so busy chasing around 20 somethings they have passed by the fabulous 30's and 40's somethings that were their ideal match.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 6:35pm

<<>>

Just an FYI you can't MAKE someone stay married to you, whose to say HE gave up on the vow? Maybe she did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 6:59pm

<<>>

However you can't make the OTHER partner in the marriage want to work at it no matter how hard you try, so unfortunately you both can go into the marriage with the "divorce is not an option" mentality and if the other partner checks out there isn't much for you to do. You can't make them stay married to you, you can only beg someone to try and work on the marriage, or you can only do so much to try and maintain the relationship and improve it, if only one person makes any effort it still fails.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 8:44pm

The other person leaving I'd consider an extreme circumstance.

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