Never been married?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Never been married?
64
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 7:18pm

Something that another poster pointed out started me thinking and I'd like your input on it... (I won't name the poster unless she comes forward and says it was her since I dont' want to call anyone out...)


But here goes... if a man (or woman) has not been married by the age of 35, do you think that's an indicator that he/she cannot hold down a long-term relationship that will result in marriage?


Curious about your thoughts...


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 8:47pm
I would hardly think that anyone that has gone through a divorce would think it an "accomplishment" in their life and not something that was very painful to experience.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 8:51pm
Curious... have you ever been married?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 8:53pm

My ex could say he's not the one that walked away, but that doesn't make him a good catch and it doesn't mean he was willing to do what it took to keep the marriage together.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 8:54pm

u wrote: "However you can't make the OTHER partner in the marriage want to work at it no matter how hard you try, so unfortunately you both can go into the marriage with the "divorce is not an option" mentality and if the other partner checks out there isn't much for you to do. You can't make them stay married to you, you can only beg someone to try and work on the marriage, or you can only do so much to try and maintain the relationship and improve it, if only one person makes any effort it still fails."

ITA. I have a friend for example, her good guy friend of 10 years has been dating this girl for 4 years. The entire time they have dated this woman wasn't good enough to marry for x, y or z reasons. Now they are getting married. He is getting married because all his friends are not because he feels she's the one for him necessarily.

Or you hear of someone rushing to the alter after a few weeks of dating and they say "well, if it doesn't work out we can always get a divorce" ...

I think divorce is hard; I think they should require anyone who wants to get married the top 100 questions/couseling you're afraid to ask your partner. You know, how you raise the kids, religion, who takes out the trash - that stuff that tears couples apart.

FirstAmendment - a good question to ask to is about personal hygiene or weight, exercise, how often you want sex ... alas, they can still change on you

But the general we grew apart and started having different interests seems ridiculous...we're not talking extrememes here...we've all heard them.....

Or the passion dies...well do something, buy some sexy lingerie, make it romantic with candles, have date night....

SP

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2005
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 9:01pm

<>

By the time passion dies, buying lingerie isn't going to save it. And it takes two. One person doing everything will not work. Both parties have to be into it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 9:01pm

Since I am 36.5 years old and have never been married before, I know it would not bother me to consider dating or being in a serious relationship with someone in the same situation. As another poster way back there said...I would be concerned, though, if the other person had no history of long relationships or exclusive relationships. By that I mean years of being with someone, not months.

I thank my lucky stars that I never married any of the men I have been with. That absolutely does not mean they aren't wonderful guys. In fact, I am friends with most of them and we all wish each other well (ok, ok...there are a few expections-lol). It just means that it would not have been a good mature decision for me to consider spending the rest of my life with them.

Dthat mean I don't want to be married and have a family some day? Nope, I dream about it all the time. It does mean that I am not willing to rush in and accept just anyone, though. You bet I am pickier than I used to be...but I am not creating some ideal of perfection that can't be met.

~xrg

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 9:06pm
My ex were on the same page with most stuff in our marriage, especially for the first six years of it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Mon, 10-17-2005 - 5:09am

>You can't make them stay married to you
>you can only beg someone to try and work
>on the marriage

By the same token, the single and never married people may have tried to get married but couldn't make the partner in the relationship agree. As a result they are tarnished with the "incapable of commitment" red flag.

I also think the "more settled in our ways" red flag is invalid. A person who has never been married but has been in a few relationships is probably more adaptable to new people. Whereas a person who has been married for 10 years may be settled in the way of that marriage and may find it difficult to adapt to a new one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Mon, 10-17-2005 - 9:16am

<<>>

Well I never branded anyone with that I said from the beginning I wouldn't have a problem dating someone that was over 30 and never married and I think anyone who can sit there and say they wouldn't date anyone over the age of 30 whose never been married, will be singing quite a different tune when they are over 30 and not married, why would it be okay for them and not for the man? So hypocritical to say that. (it's okay for me to be single and over 30 because I know i've tried but this guy I glance at his profile must have issues because he is) YEAH RIGHT! The guy always has "committment issues" but if it's a woman she's just being selective and hasn't found the right one yet. RIIIGGGGGGGGHHHHHHTTTTTTTT....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Mon, 10-17-2005 - 9:49am

>The guy always has "committment issues" but
>if it's a woman she's just being selective
>and hasn't found the right one yet.

I don't think this is a Men v Women debate. I think the conclusions drawn from any person's marital history are open to interpretation and can therefore be completely wrong.

If Car A is outselling Car B it would be wrong (IMO) to say, "There must be something wrong with the people who don't like Car B". Surely it makes more sense to look at Car B and explore the reasons why people aren't buying it.

Similarly, I think it's wrong to think there is something "wrong" with people who have never been married. Surely it makes more sense to look at the concept of marriage and explore why people are avoiding or have avoided it.

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