I agree...and I've been there, done that in the past, but something changed a couple years ago (the whole thing with The Liar really did a number on me, and I haven't been the same since, despite counseling) and I can't seem to get my groove back, so to speak. I've just lost my give a damn too, as Ann says. All I see is day after day after day of the same old, same old, and it's depressing as hell. I hate my life right now...hate it, hate it, hate it (my hatred for my job seems to seep into everything these days, despite my best efforts to tell myself to just suck it up and deal at least until the end of the year). I try to stay optimistic, but nothing changes (except for the worse), so it seems foolish to think that things will actually get better.
I honestly do NOT believe any more that it (a healthy intimate relationship) is going to happen for me. I'm too old and not attractive enough to attract the smal number of single men in my age group who are interesting, emotionally healthy and (even somewhat) attractive. Yes, I could find someone to settle down with (the too skinny guy I went out with recently, for example, is very sweet and would treat me well, I'm sure, but I'm simply not attracted to him), but it be with someone I was settling for, and I just get ill at the thought of settling. I have two close friends who married men they weren't passionate about (but who are good, steady men, good fathers, etc)...and while they have happy lives in some respects (kids, nice houses, etc), both have confessed to me how unhappy they are because they love their husbands but are not *IN* love with them. I had that in my marriage and I don't want that. I can't deal with a life of no passion. But none of the men I've been passionate about since my marriage ended over 10 years ago has had the emotional capability to be in a healthy r'ship. Does that mean I'm only attracted to emotionally unhealthy men? It's something I've considered and I've made a conscious effort to examine and be aware of it, if so, but you can't force attraction...at least I never have been able to.
I know I need to get back to the person who traveled to Thailand and Venice by herself, who got up and went on a 10 mile hike just for the heck of it, who found joy in the little things...but I seem to have lost her.
Sorry for the pity party...I know you're right, but I don't know how to do that anymore.
Completely agree. I can't even believe I'm gonna be 40 in November and there have never been any little ones (except cats) and never been a guy excited to see me when I walk in the door for more than a couple years. Blows my mind I'm here. Where are the fairytales that tell ya what to do if ya end up alone?
Sometimes it is hard to go on...I feel the same way on and off...like I am just going through the motions.
But I have to consider this:
I have a job that I enjoy and make a good living at. I am healthy. My children have grown up to be productive human beings. I've done some traveling. I have close friends I have good family ties I have 4 beautiful grandkids...
I'm sure I could think of more...
Maybe a gratitude journal would help out...yeah that sounds corny, but I've heard it works.
and I can agree w /you all of you.. Why is it that I/we cannot find that man that we have the mutual feeling of I am crazy aboutyou, and all that passion and romance ?
i want a ltr/w/ kids someday.. I am 36, and married once 10 years ago. i don't ever feel like i have found that. The last r'ship over 2 years ago , i was w/ the man for 4 years and I thought he was truly the "one". he treated me very well, but I often wonder if I was really "in love" with him orjust the fact he was a good guy.. the man I am w/ now I am crazy about and will probaby do anything for, it's too early to tell if I am or will be "in love" with him, but I also want the feelings reciprocated..Will i ever find that true love I hear some people find? Is it that I am afraid of true intimacy and attract the wrong partners like Sheri said? I have been to cousneling and know i need to get back in.
but how do you know /am I too demanding? Will anyone ever make me happier? I am happy person , by myself, but when I am w/someone, nothing seems like enough for me?
Pages
I agree...and I've been there, done that in the past, but something changed a couple years ago (the whole thing with The Liar really did a number on me, and I haven't been the same since, despite counseling) and I can't seem to get my groove back, so to speak. I've just lost my give a damn too, as Ann says. All I see is day after day after day of the same old, same old, and it's depressing as hell. I hate my life right now...hate it, hate it, hate it (my hatred for my job seems to seep into everything these days, despite my best efforts to tell myself to just suck it up and deal at least until the end of the year). I try to stay optimistic, but nothing changes (except for the worse), so it seems foolish to think that things will actually get better.
I honestly do NOT believe any more that it (a healthy intimate relationship) is going to happen for me. I'm too old and not attractive enough to attract the smal number of single men in my age group who are interesting, emotionally healthy and (even somewhat) attractive. Yes, I could find someone to settle down with (the too skinny guy I went out with recently, for example, is very sweet and would treat me well, I'm sure, but I'm simply not attracted to him), but it be with someone I was settling for, and I just get ill at the thought of settling. I have two close friends who married men they weren't passionate about (but who are good, steady men, good fathers, etc)...and while they have happy lives in some respects (kids, nice houses, etc), both have confessed to me how unhappy they are because they love their husbands but are not *IN* love with them. I had that in my marriage and I don't want that. I can't deal with a life of no passion. But none of the men I've been passionate about since my marriage ended over 10 years ago has had the emotional capability to be in a healthy r'ship. Does that mean I'm only attracted to emotionally unhealthy men? It's something I've considered and I've made a conscious effort to examine and be aware of it, if so, but you can't force attraction...at least I never have been able to.
I know I need to get back to the person who traveled to Thailand and Venice by herself, who got up and went on a 10 mile hike just for the heck of it, who found joy in the little things...but I seem to have lost her.
Sorry for the pity party...I know you're right, but I don't know how to do that anymore.
Sheri
Completely agree. I can't even believe I'm gonna be 40 in November and there have never been any little ones (except cats) and never been a guy excited to see me when I walk in the door for more than a couple years. Blows my mind I'm here. Where are the fairytales that tell ya what to do if ya end up alone?
Lisa
Sometimes it is hard to go on...I feel the same way on and off...like I am just going through the motions.
But I have to consider this:
I have a job that I enjoy and make a good living at.
I am healthy.
My children have grown up to be productive human beings.
I've done some traveling.
I have close friends
I have good family ties
I have 4 beautiful grandkids...
I'm sure I could think of more...
Maybe a gratitude journal would help out...yeah that sounds corny, but I've heard it works.
Claribeth
I think she means the Richard, John.
hi yall
just caught this post
and I can agree w /you all of you.. Why is it that I/we cannot find that man that we have the mutual feeling of I am crazy aboutyou, and all that passion and romance ?
i want a ltr/w/ kids someday.. I am 36, and married once 10 years ago. i don't ever feel like i have found that. The last r'ship over 2 years ago , i was w/ the man for 4 years and I thought he was truly the "one". he treated me very well, but I often wonder if I was really "in love" with him orjust the fact he was a good guy.. the man I am w/ now I am crazy about and will probaby do anything for, it's too early to tell if I am or will be "in love" with him, but I also want the feelings reciprocated..Will i ever find that true love I hear some people find? Is it that I am afraid of true intimacy and attract the wrong partners like Sheri said? I have been to cousneling and know i need to get back in.
but how do you know /am I too demanding? Will anyone ever make me happier? I am happy person , by myself, but when I am w/someone, nothing seems like enough for me?
what is a happy medium?
maye I am a "true romantic" fairytales?
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