Never married,/no kids after 45?
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Never married,/no kids after 45?
| Fri, 02-24-2006 - 2:50pm |
Hi,
I have been chatting with a few men from match. They are over 45 years of age (one is 57) who have never been married. No children. Do any of you have theories as to why that is? One of them is a hunk and a half...I might meet him tonight.
Bunny

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Stephanie
I'm 45 and never married. I dated and was engaged to the wrong guy for a lot of years. I used to feel like a freak because I was not married. There still seems to be some social stigma for being over 40 and never having been married. However, I'd much rather be in that position in life than how most of my counterparts are who have been married & divorced 2-3 times. Society does not seem to bat an eye if someone is divorced several times though.
The guy I'm dating now is twice divorced and so far, I believe he's a really good guy. Unless his personality changes drastically for the worse, I plan on sticking with him. He told me some things about his marriages, and while I don't believe he was faultless, it did sound like he was simply with the wrong woman both times.
I felt like I was a jinx when it came to dating, and think I even said so on this board at one point. Every guy I was interested in was not interested in me enough to pursue things towards a relationship. After so many years with the wrong guy, I couldn't believe how hard it was to meet single, eligible men who might be interested in dating.
I was thinking about this today. I believe "timing is everything". I think things could work out with a number of different people in our lives, but if the timing is off, then it never comes to be. I think even some of my previous dating disappointments might have turned out differently had we met at another time or circumstances were different for one or both of us. So many things can affect chemistry/attraction, that it's anyone's guess why it works sometimes and why it doesn't work at other times.
My Mom still believes that things happen for a reason and that if you're supposed to be with someone, that you will eventually find them. However, that is a bit hard to believe when the divorce rate is so high and so many people are lonely and unhappy--sometimes for years. With that in mind, perhaps it isn't so bad to have never been married compared to our divorced friends.
Thanks for your responses everyone. I'll keep an open mind.
Bunny
I hate to generalize, but I have noticed some similarities among the never married men. I am sure there are exceptions, but they usually just don't 'get it' on many levels...that's it's not all about them. Sorry, men, I don't mean to offend, just my own experience so far.
E
a. player
b. commitment phobe
c. good intentions, bad luck
d. lives with parents
e. too immature to settle down
f. always ISO the BBD
g. Hasn't met the right gal yet
Though a guy with the stats you mention might raise an eyebrow for me, I wouldn't necessarily hold it against him. Everyone is unique, after all.
I'm 44 and never been married and like vexer, I get very annoyed when someone interrogates me about it, especially on a first date which has happened several times. Mitsy is right; there's more of a stigma against someone who's never been married as opposed to those who have been divorced multiple times.
That said, I have noticed that men over 40 who have never been married, or were married briefly, seem to enjoy being single, living alone, doing what they want when they want. The worst are the ones who seem to really want a relationship, esp. at first, but when push comes to shove, there's no way they're going to change their lifestyle for anyone.
Decades ago society really pushed people to get married and much of that pressure is gone. Single women still feel some pressure, mainly from other women, but I think for men, any societal pressure that existed is gone and a lot of them are perfectly happy to live in an adolescent paradise with their big screen TVs tuned to ESPN 24-7.
Um, not that I'm thinking of one guy in particular, LOL.
But seems to be a stigma attached to both sexes. Whereas women there seems to be a "she hasn't found a good man" poor thing... for men there seems to be a stigma that he's a player or a committment phobe...isn't it weird what we label people.
I HATE LABELS! BLECH!
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