Never say never
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 03-14-2006 - 12:37pm |
So, girlfriends, I posted a few weeks back about the guy I met IRL. Well, here I am, the poster child for "no LDR can work" and I find myself more or less falling into one. He has been pursuing me like nobody's business and it has been forever since anybody did. He's funny, very witty, very smart, MY AGE, well-employed, personable, polished, aggressive, appears to be emotionally intelligent and stable, and, apparently, very "into me," and has articulated that just enough without being sappy or desperate-sounding. He travels all the time for work and said that now that he's met me, he considers distance to be an inconvenience, not a deal-breaker. (As opposed to agreeing to meet/date somebody who is a complete stranger who lives far away.)
I’m going to see him again next month at my company’s annual conference, which happens to be in the city where he lives on the opposite coast. I have decided to take an extra day on each side of the conference to spend with him – and he’ll come to our big dinner/bash at the end.
I have hugely mixed feelings about this but am following my gut (not that my gut is always right!) which tells me that it would be foolish to turn my back on something that might be wonderful. I can't really think of anything that would be more romantic than meeting somebody at an awesome resort in a different city now and then!
Haven’t figured out yet what to do about the Young Man. That’s another topic – I haven’t seen him for awhile but we have been talking and texting a lot this week. We’ll probably see each other this weekend and I think I will talk to him about it. It’s only fair.
Comments? Suggestions? Advice? Bring it on…..
Sposa

Okay, you are NOT in a LDR as of yet. You have met someone who you vibe with so enjoy getting to know him. I don't think you need to talk w/Young Man about anything just yet! Until you and the LDR guy have talked about dating exclusively then I would let Young Man know. He is also more readily accessible than LDR guy, so I don't see the need to drop kick him to the curb.
Yes, it's nice meeting a man every 2-3 months at a fabulous resort for fun; but a true LDR eventually means closing the distance gap.
After next month's conference, let's see how much this distance thing becomes an inconvenience for him whereas he makes the necessary travel plans to see you again. Remember, action speaks volumes!!
Good Luck and enjoy!!!
Time will tell...I wouldn't advise saying anything to Young Man yet either (because as I recall you don't have any exclusivity or monogamy commitments in place, right?). I understand wanting to give the LDR a shot, having been in the same position...but keep in mind, pursuit and enthusiasm in the beginning doesn't mean a whole heck of a lot!!! Time will tell...
I would also not advise getting into an LDR without having an exit strategy in place (i.e., find out up front whether him moving or you moving is a realistic possibility if things go well). My LD ex and I discussed that in detail the first time he came to see me (which was the first time we saw each other after meeting)...I wouldn't have been willing to continue without the understanding that he would move to Seattle if things continued to go well, and him acknowledging that I wasn't willing to be in a LDR indefinitely (although of course it turned out that his words and actions were not consistent).
And personally, I *can* think of something more romantic than meeting at a resort every couple of months...having someone who lives close by who you can see regularly ;-)! I didn't realize how much I missed that until I started dating people who are local (of course I'm still having trouble with the "regularly" part, ha!).
Sheri
You are both right -- no monogamy/exclusivity commitment with either guy. My conscience is bothering me just a little because I slept with LDR guy and YM and I had talked way back when about being sexually exclusive -- though I was the one who brought that up, not him. Clearly I am going to sleep with LDR guy again when I go see him, so I feel torn about who I should tell what. I have no intentions of kicking YM to the curb at this point!
Sheri, good advice about the exit strategy. I'm not sure I want to have the discussion that soon -- I don't even know him well enough to tell whether I want to keep seeing him. I think that would come a little later for me. I just want to have fun.
TSteph, you said: "After next month's conference, let's see how much this distance thing becomes an inconvenience for him whereas he makes the necessary travel plans to see you again. Remember, action speaks volumes!!"
Precisely what I was thinking. I want to enjoy the rush of it now, because who knows what will happen later.
This whole thing is making me wonder whether I in fact DO choose men who are unavailable, as some of my friends have suggested (although I didn't choose this guy, he chose me LOL) -- I find it kind of comfortable that I don't have to change anything in my life for him. I don't know if it's just an adjustment issue, or a function of having been on my own for SO long that it's somewhat threatening to think about being part of a couple.