Never snoop unless you are prepared for

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Never snoop unless you are prepared for
58
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 1:11pm

what you may find.


I could kick myself. It was a momentary lapse in ... well, everything I want to be! (honest, adult, not sneaky) ... & when Carlos was in the shower this morning at my house, I looked at his text messages. Pure & simple, I snooped. & I didnt like what I found.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Fri, 01-26-2007 - 3:20pm
I think you are taking a smart approach here. YOu are owning up to your feelings, trying to figure them out and letting them sit for a little awhile before talking to Carlos, but also at the same time letting him know that the talk will be coming. It will probably be good for you to have this week or so to think about how you will say it but make a pact/promise to yourself that you will have it done in a certain amount of time so that it doesn't keep eating at you. At first, before reading all these posts about the honesty thing, I was thinking that you should tell him about the snooping but now I don't think that it would be appropriate either from my point of view on the whole situation. The real situation at hand here is you feeling like you want something more and that should be the thing that is brought up not the snooping because it could add to the confusion and maybe hurt him or make him feel like he can't trust you, which he can because you will come clean with him, you are just trying to sort things through..... Now if you guys were in an exclusive relationship and then you STILL didn't trust and were STILL snooping then it would be a good idea to mention it but in this case I don't think it is. I think things will turn out just fine.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Fri, 01-26-2007 - 4:45pm

One thing too is don't let too many cooks spoil the soup as the old saying goes Rebecca.

I think you should just go with your initial gut feelings on the subject. While it's great to get our opinions here, and your friends opinions and half of RI and Boston and Canada's opinions (I'm way exaggerating for a chuckle) too many opinions tend to muddy the waters sometimes, only YOU know yourself and Carlos and you have to do whats right for you and nobody else. So while Joe Schmoe down the street may think Carlos is thinking this because he said XY and Z doesn't necessarily mean that's what Carlos is thinking only Carlos knows what Carlos is thinking.

So I definitely think just go with your gut, talk to him and that will be the best direction for the two of you.

GOOD LUCK!!!! HUGS! =)

And I will say I don't think NWW nor I think you have a bad character at ALL and I think I can speak for NWW when I say that.

Smile,

Deirdre

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-26-2007 - 5:15pm

Yes, you can definitely speak for me on that...especially since I said exactly that in one of my posts ;-).

Rebecca, it sounds like you've given this a lot of thought and have good reasons for coming out where you've come out and I totally respect. Keep us posted on how things go.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2003
Sat, 01-27-2007 - 4:55pm

Canadian perspective here...lol....

Ok...Maya Angelou always says, "Believe a man when he tells you who he is." It's been MY experience that when a man says, " I don't want to let you down..." lol...he's about to do just that...

anyhow, here's my take...MAKE HIM MISS YOU for a while. No texting, e-mailing, phone calls etc.. for at least a week. Ghost on him... you're busy...Avery has lessons to go to...work...you forgot your phone at home...whatever...just don't always be so darned available...

this dude needs to know what a great chick he'll miss.
Keri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Sat, 01-27-2007 - 8:03pm

I hope things work out for Rebecca. She seems to really be crazy about Carlos. But my experience is, ahem...that when a man is of a certain age, especially mid-late 40s and never married, there is usually a good reason. Most of these men have MAJOR committment issues. Not all, mind you, but most.

I'm pretty leery of dating men who have never made the committment to marry by this age. I personally think that Rebecca is a beautiful, intelligent, vibrant woman who doesn't need to waste too much time trying to conjure what this man wants.

I know I'm hardly one to talk, being divorced as long as I have been and not really connecting with the right guy. However, in viewing the people I know and are in great relationships...most didn't have to cipher or worry about whether the man was committed. It was obvious. And is that which I hold out for. Otherwise, I believe it is my lot to be alone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sat, 01-27-2007 - 8:35pm

lol, about the "be unavaliable". I actually began that Fri morning

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sat, 01-27-2007 - 8:41pm

Yeah, i really never thought of it that way b4, that maybe he thinks he "isnt ready" b/c he thinks I am not ready. Its a toss up.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sat, 01-27-2007 - 8:41pm
Thanks SP!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sat, 01-27-2007 - 8:44pm
Ha! Gee, ya think?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sat, 01-27-2007 - 8:46pm

Ok, i was totally clueless on what NWW was .... till I kept reading, lol.

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