New age limits on POF

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
New age limits on POF
14
Wed, 05-22-2013 - 11:31am

I was surprised when I logged on to POF yesterday (since I don't look at it that much) that I got an email from the founder who says that he wants to keep it a relationship site and not just for people who are looking for just sex, so one of the new things he is initiating is a rule that people can't contact someone with more than a 14 yr age difference.  he says "there is no reason for a 50 yr old man to contact an 18 yr old girl" which I certainly agree.  And then he says that the majority of messages outside of this age range are all about hookups--now does that mean that they read people's email messages? I'm sure they have the capability but I wouldn't think they would spend the time to have someone do that.

since I'm not one of those older men who is looking for a younger woman, I do wonder if it's true that it's just for hooking up.  I mean my best friend married a guy who is 26 yrs older than she is--so it's not impossible that there could be relationships between people of a big age difference that end up working.  I think that men could equally be looking for hookups with women closer to their own age--it depends on the guy.  But I think a big part of that is the ego thing--like I must still be virile & appealing if I can get a much younger woman.  Now I am wondering if it will just mean that more men will lie about their age.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2000
Wed, 08-28-2013 - 12:42pm
Hi, new to this board. What does AFF, EULA, GDI, and GDU mean. Thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2008
Wed, 06-12-2013 - 3:30am
Sorry IM at work and for some reason it wouldnt let me start a new discussion....just a reply...?????
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2008
Wed, 06-12-2013 - 3:28am
Hey Floridagirl, I have seen you on here alot, I think as early as 2008?? You and Musiclover, anyway these boards are great!!! helped me thru my EX of almost 27 years leaving/my divorce etc. Now I find myself on OLD, POF as a matter of fact lol, and on Match.com. What advice can you give me as to what to put on my profile?? Ive had over 1000 look at my profile and maybe 2 respond so IM thinking they like the way I look, but my profile stinks?? IVe been on and off OLD since my divorce 2010, and dated a couple, but its never worked out...I thought the last one was the one, but he didnt feel the same way about me, so here I go again!! IM definitley learning alot about myself and what I want and dont want in a relationship. Any help or suggestions would be great!! Thankyou!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 06-07-2013 - 2:21pm

I think you are right.  I think that on POF it already lets you set age criteria because at the bottom of someone's profile it says you can contact this man if you are between the ages of X and Y.  So if some old guy contacts me, really what is the big deal?  I just don't respond if I am not interested.  I've also had guys who are in their 20's contact me and my first thought is did you do this by mistake--are you looking for  your mother?  then I just kind of laugh.   I think people can decide who they want and don't want on their own.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Sun, 06-02-2013 - 2:16am

I don't think management should be telling people who they can or can not contact. However, I do know that women online complain about blatantly unsuitable men contacting them. This is probably what prompted this action by POFWhat I'd do instead is let women with profiles set their upper and lower age limits and some other key criteria. If a man, according to his profile, does not meet these criteria, the system should bar him from contacting that woman. However, any woman open to a large age discrepancy should be allowed to hear from much older or younger men. That, IMO, is the right way to deal with the problem.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Thu, 05-30-2013 - 12:22am

 It is unfortunite that marcus decided to be so arbitrary.  It is not that he is any wizard.  I would like more to know if I amwasting my time by writing a person who has not been on the site for yearsor months.

dragowoman

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Wed, 05-29-2013 - 1:39pm

Wow took me about 15 times but I was finally able to log in.

I could believe that the majority of messages outside of this age range are about hooking up. It will unfortunately remove legitimate dating emails between people as well. While there are plenty of examples of successful couples with larger age gaps than 14, I would think the most successful ones would tend to be the older couples. In general I would expect a man of 50 and a woman of 35 to stand a greater chance of success than a man of 40 and a woman of 25.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Thu, 05-23-2013 - 3:23pm

  I  went back to that missive from marcus and found there is a reply.  So i wrote what I though of his idiotic age range.  I also noticed that there was no other contact method.  i also pointed out that there are many inactive members who have not logged on in a long while that need to be placed in an inactive file.

dragowoman

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Thu, 05-23-2013 - 2:54pm

  It also occured to how arbtrary  Because after 50 who cares?  i met a woman who is 50 her BF is 75! 

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 05-23-2013 - 10:31am

I can see the older man who wants the trophy wife or GF but when I see a middle aged man who will date a teenager, sorry, but that's gross to me, esp. if he has kids.  I know it's technically not being a pedophile but I can't see a normal middle aged man wanting to date (which really means have sex) with a teenager--it's not like they are going to have anything in common.  I mean I have a 24 yr old DD who thinks that men in their 30's are "old."  Her new BF is 28, so he's almost at the top limit, in her eyes.  I think the older you get that the age difference doesn't matter that much when both people are adults but an 18 yr old might legally be an adult but emotionally is hardly there--that's the difference. 

I look at the older rich men who date much younger women and do wonder why it doesn't bother them that they know the woman is dating them because they are rich and if they were the average 60 or 70 yr old man they wouldn't have a chance with a young beautiful woman, but I guess each one of them is getting something out of it.  But I compare that with say Paul McCartney and his wife Nancy, who I think is about 20 yrs younger than he is--obviously no one has as much money as Paul, but even though Nancy is younger, she is an accomplished intelligent woman and although attractive is not like a supermodel, so it would seem that they also have some kind of connection that is more than trading looks for money--well to each their own.

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