New age limits on POF

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
New age limits on POF
14
Wed, 05-22-2013 - 11:31am

I was surprised when I logged on to POF yesterday (since I don't look at it that much) that I got an email from the founder who says that he wants to keep it a relationship site and not just for people who are looking for just sex, so one of the new things he is initiating is a rule that people can't contact someone with more than a 14 yr age difference.  he says "there is no reason for a 50 yr old man to contact an 18 yr old girl" which I certainly agree.  And then he says that the majority of messages outside of this age range are all about hookups--now does that mean that they read people's email messages? I'm sure they have the capability but I wouldn't think they would spend the time to have someone do that.

since I'm not one of those older men who is looking for a younger woman, I do wonder if it's true that it's just for hooking up.  I mean my best friend married a guy who is 26 yrs older than she is--so it's not impossible that there could be relationships between people of a big age difference that end up working.  I think that men could equally be looking for hookups with women closer to their own age--it depends on the guy.  But I think a big part of that is the ego thing--like I must still be virile & appealing if I can get a much younger woman.  Now I am wondering if it will just mean that more men will lie about their age.

Pages

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Wed, 05-22-2013 - 2:37pm

  Or women.  This is just because many people do want to find lovers but AFF and others are not their cup of tea or they are concerned about the data mining.  And EULA problems.  (Who want their boss or next employer to know they like to dance on tables or swing from chandelears(sp)

  Age has never been a barrier to me.  But some women probably complained that the men wanted younger women.  Nanny online dating brought to you by the small minds.

  I find prudishness unappealling.  But many people are compelled to lie.  Drop downs that exclude catagories that would imply sexual interest(code word intimacy).  

People like myself who are not looking to get married but want friends/sexual partners/either.  Who are also  GDI NOT GDU.

Goldfish

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Wed, 05-22-2013 - 3:16pm

Hey, well if I go back on POF, I guess I won't have to worry about the 72-yr-olds contacting me anymore! Actually, POF is pretty awful in my neck of the woods, so I WON'T be going back there.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Wed, 05-22-2013 - 9:19pm

"there is no reason for a 50 yr old man to contact an 18 yr old girl" 

    Gosh Music I thought you were more worldy than that.   Arm Candy!!  Jealous other males.   Males parade their treasures.  A 50 year old who spent 25 years building wealth and power now has the mojo that he did not years earlier.  While the "bad" guy got the girls in high school and college he studied,made a real success of himself and realize that it is not his body they are after.   $$$$$$ talks.  CoolTongue OutMoney Mouth

Goldfish

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 05-23-2013 - 1:02am

I have dated both younger men and older men, but one reason I enjoy being with DH (who is significantly older) is we are at difference stages of our career - he is looking at winding down while I am at the height of mine.  I am insanely driven and used to turn a relationship with men around my age into a competition.  With DH, I admire his achievement and he supports my "climb".  Intellectually we are extremely compatible. 

All in all, I agree with Xxxs that it is silly for someone to artibrarily decide a 14-year difference is too much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 05-23-2013 - 10:31am

I can see the older man who wants the trophy wife or GF but when I see a middle aged man who will date a teenager, sorry, but that's gross to me, esp. if he has kids.  I know it's technically not being a pedophile but I can't see a normal middle aged man wanting to date (which really means have sex) with a teenager--it's not like they are going to have anything in common.  I mean I have a 24 yr old DD who thinks that men in their 30's are "old."  Her new BF is 28, so he's almost at the top limit, in her eyes.  I think the older you get that the age difference doesn't matter that much when both people are adults but an 18 yr old might legally be an adult but emotionally is hardly there--that's the difference. 

I look at the older rich men who date much younger women and do wonder why it doesn't bother them that they know the woman is dating them because they are rich and if they were the average 60 or 70 yr old man they wouldn't have a chance with a young beautiful woman, but I guess each one of them is getting something out of it.  But I compare that with say Paul McCartney and his wife Nancy, who I think is about 20 yrs younger than he is--obviously no one has as much money as Paul, but even though Nancy is younger, she is an accomplished intelligent woman and although attractive is not like a supermodel, so it would seem that they also have some kind of connection that is more than trading looks for money--well to each their own.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Thu, 05-23-2013 - 2:54pm

  It also occured to how arbtrary  Because after 50 who cares?  i met a woman who is 50 her BF is 75! 

Goldfish

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Thu, 05-23-2013 - 3:23pm

  I  went back to that missive from marcus and found there is a reply.  So i wrote what I though of his idiotic age range.  I also noticed that there was no other contact method.  i also pointed out that there are many inactive members who have not logged on in a long while that need to be placed in an inactive file.

Goldfish

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Wed, 05-29-2013 - 1:39pm

Wow took me about 15 times but I was finally able to log in.

I could believe that the majority of messages outside of this age range are about hooking up. It will unfortunately remove legitimate dating emails between people as well. While there are plenty of examples of successful couples with larger age gaps than 14, I would think the most successful ones would tend to be the older couples. In general I would expect a man of 50 and a woman of 35 to stand a greater chance of success than a man of 40 and a woman of 25.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Thu, 05-30-2013 - 12:22am

 It is unfortunite that marcus decided to be so arbitrary.  It is not that he is any wizard.  I would like more to know if I amwasting my time by writing a person who has not been on the site for yearsor months.

Goldfish

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Sun, 06-02-2013 - 2:16am

I don't think management should be telling people who they can or can not contact. However, I do know that women online complain about blatantly unsuitable men contacting them. This is probably what prompted this action by POFWhat I'd do instead is let women with profiles set their upper and lower age limits and some other key criteria. If a man, according to his profile, does not meet these criteria, the system should bar him from contacting that woman. However, any woman open to a large age discrepancy should be allowed to hear from much older or younger men. That, IMO, is the right way to deal with the problem.

Pages