New to American Dating

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2004
New to American Dating
7
Wed, 03-16-2005 - 12:32pm

Hi all,

It’s my first post here, but I have been reading your posts for the last three months.

I am new in Canada (came from an East European country). I have been married for 9 years and then separated for 3 years (going trough a long international divorce).

I started dating recently and I must tell you how new is all this to me. You guys have so many rules, and talks and concepts; I realized I have not clue what I am doing. Anyway, reading your posts helped me understand a lot of issues and I have to thank you all for that. The dating scene 13 years ago back home was so totally different, I feel like an alien or like a schoolgirl again. But I’m enjoying the ride.

Now the question. I met this guy at the New Years party and the things are pretty good. We are having a good time and the things are progressing slowly into being more and more intimate. Before we have sex, I would like to bring the monogamy and exclusivity subjects up, but I am having trouble starting that conversation. Probably because I never did it before. Any ideas about how can I bring this up smoothly?

Thanks much,

Toria

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Wed, 03-16-2005 - 1:06pm
What's "American" dating?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Wed, 03-16-2005 - 1:51pm

It's like Canadian dating, only without the back bacon. :)

Toria, that talk you mention (about exclusivity, etc) is a sticking point for everyone. It IS a bit of a hard subject to bring up, because of all the emotions and risks involved.

About the only suggestions I have would be that you not try to bring it up in the heat of passion- better to be calm and rational at the time. Be matter-of-fact about it; if you act as though it's a huge, scary, emotional thing, then it will BE a huge, scary, emotional thing.

I would suggest something along the lines of "so I'm having a great time, and have some thoughts that I would like to talk over with you..." and go into it that way.

Good luck- it's a tough spot but a good spot to be in, when you're to that point with someone!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2004
Wed, 03-16-2005 - 1:52pm

Hi amjay,

I guess I meant I am new to dating people on the American continent.. Where do you live in Canada? I live in Southern Ontario.

toria

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Wed, 03-16-2005 - 2:02pm
I think I know what you mean about all the rules. I've heard that in England, for example, people are much more casual about dating and don't make it the be-all, end-all.
I don't remember where I read that, but speaking for myself, I do wish sometimes that I could relax about this stuff.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Wed, 03-16-2005 - 2:10pm
I am on west coast.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2004
Wed, 03-16-2005 - 2:57pm

Thank you, niceguy. Great advice.

I'd like to add I am glad the things are working out well with you and your Match gal.

toria

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Thu, 03-17-2005 - 8:26pm

Hi there,


I'm on the verge of falling asleep so I can't think of any advice for you at the moment. But I did want to welcome you to the board - I too live in Southern Ontario.


{Oh - and as someone who once lived abroad for many years, I would defintely say that dating "rules" do differ among different countries/cultures so I understand why you're questioning American norms}.