New and problem with online "friend"

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2005
New and problem with online "friend"
6
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 6:18pm

Hi there, Im new here. I will try to keep it short!

I have had a friend that I talk to online for a few years now. It was just this casual, "hey how are you doing" type of thing for the longest time. The person you chat with when you are bored at work sort of thing, nothing special.

Well, the other day we were chatting, and he sent me a picture of himself. I have seen his picture before and he was kinda cute, but I really wasnt that attracted to him. WELL- he cut all his hair off and shaved and sent me a picture of what he looks like now- and I cant get him out of my head. Its like a different person!

I now want to talk to him constantly, and wait for him to get online. But now he will know something is up, b/c we really were not all that close. So now all of a sudden I am IMing him as soon as he gets online! He knows I am in a relationship, and actually asked me "where is your bf" the other day...He is single right now.

I am in a relationsip of 3 years. This is really bothering me, b/c I never have had thoughts of anybody else until now.

waiting for him to get online.....
FrenzyLove

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 6:25pm

Um... what, exactly, is your problem? That you're attracted to someone other than your bf?

That's an easy one. You have to either dump the bf and move on in life, or you have to quit talking to/flirting with this other guy.

If you pick the first option, you need to know that the odds are it won't work out with this other guy. You have to decide whether it's just a "grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" kind of situation that draws you to this other dude, or if your relationship with your bf has genuinely deteriorated to the point where you're done for and you're just putting off the breakup. If so, then in your mind you've already moved on and you're just seeing other guys as attractive now.

If it's NOT that your relationship is really done for, then you need to shape up, quit IMing this guy, and get serious about figuring out what's wrong with your thinking and your relationship and why you're doing this.

But if you're here hoping to hear "go ahead and flirt with this guy, it's harmless" you'll probably have to go elsewhere. It's not harmless; the fact that you feel guilty about it indicates that you know it's wrong, and you need to knock it off.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2005
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 6:31pm

Hi Niceguy,

Yeah, youre right, I was hoping to hear "go ahead have fun..." But youre right. It is more that I am feeling the grass is always greener, I dont feel I am in a deteriorating relationship.

Its the new and unknown I am attracted to. Its not even realistic, b/c the online guy lives so far away, so I know it wouldnt work out. I am not even thinking of dumping my bf for this online guy- I am just feeling butterflies every time I see him online now, and that is what is freaking me out.

thanks for the advice.




Edited 2/13/2005 7:06 pm ET ET by frenzylove
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 7:35pm
How far away is this friend? Have you ever met? I'd consider both before making any decision on what type of "relationship" may potentially exist.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2005
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 7:58pm
There is no decison to be made b/c we dont have a "thing" I just have fallen for him in the last few days, after over a year of just being casual friends. He is in another country, so it is not realistic! I just feel confused, and anxious b/c I always want to talk to him now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 8:40pm
In all likelihood your problem is that this conversation with a far away person has exposed a crack in your relationship with your BF - which is really what I think this message is about.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2005
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 9:02pm
unfortunately, I think youre right. I am not sure where I will go from here.