New Guy on Match - HELP!!
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| Wed, 11-09-2005 - 1:16pm |
Hi all...
Surprise! This doesn't have anything to do about my saga with Peter!! Again, thanks to all that responded to my message and for all the great advice. I do have to say that I have "met" a wonderful friend and she is really being there for me today!!
Last week, I was winked at by a guy named "Brad". I looked at his profile and his is alot younger than I am - I am 43 and he is 32. I e-mailed him back and said that I enjoyed his profile, however, our age was considerably different. Well, several e-mails back and forth, we had built up quite a repore, he lives about 10 minutes from me, so the next day we exchanged phone numbers and we had a 45 minute conversation in the morning - and a 2 hour conversation later in the afternoon and then had a 2 1/2 hour conversation that evening. We seemed to have alot in common, he seems very mature and very sweet. So we decided to meet last Friday night.
Well, we met, we had an awesome time, had dinner outside, the weather was perfect and took a walk and had a great make out session. That Saturday morning he called me and wanted to see me for breakfast as he was leaving town for a few days for his mom's 60th b-day party.
Well today he was supposed to be back in town, but he sent me an e-mail indicating that over the weekend, he had some thoughts about his ex - that he needed some time to go through the thoughts and decompress and that he didn't want to blow me off, he was glad that he had met me and that he was staying with his sister in Orange County for a few more days to get his head on straight. He said that he didn't want me to think that he was distancing himself or anything that he wanted to tell me what was going on. I e-mailed him back and told him that I would respect his wishes and if he wanted to talk he knew where to find me. I also told him that I wouldn't be a pain in the ass...
Well, I feel that I am taking this too personally, and that I should give him a few days and see what happens. But my gut, as I had to deal with some crap from Peter, is should I do that? I really do like him and was looking forward to getting to know him better.
I would appreciate any thoughts or if you have questions, let me know.
As always, I appreciate you ladies helping me with these issues!!

I think the common mistake people make with dating and OLD in general is putting WAY to many expectations on a person you just met early on. He should be one of a few you are meeting or dating and if not just look at it as a fun date and know very well they may disappear.
My advice; go on with dating others and living your life – if he asks you out again he will and if not you’re not waiting around. It’s really irrelevant of what his excuse is and it doesn’t’ mean anything, you had ONE date – this is not a relationship or even a potential relationship until you have spent time with someone and established a dating pattern. That’s the reality of it – sorry – wish I could be more comforting but Rome wasn’t built in one day right?
SP
Its always the ones we really really like that give us problems..its sad but true. I wouldn't really get my hopes up if I was you. Basically he gave you an open ended amount of time that he would be doing this "soul/ex searching". All that says to me is that he doesn't want to burn his bridges with you in case he gets lonely.
You can do much better then a guy pining over his ex. Don't let this discourage you, most of us that have been doing OLD a while have had GREAT first dates turn into ghosts. Its just part of the process.
Thanks for your input...
I guess I don't know what to think as we only went out really once and then met for a while on Saturday - I guess I will give him some time, I guess I should be thankful that he is at least honest with me. I know that the relationship is over, he is in California and she is in Kansas - and it was a mutual decision - that is basically all I know.
I will give him until the end of the week and see what happens I guess.
Any more thoughts?
I don't think you should "give him" any time at all. Keep dating other people and don't have any expectations of him. If he calls and wants to go out again, great. If not, oh well.
Sheri
He is using his ex as an excuse to avoid you. One doesn't just suddenly go think uh duh after dating someone for awhile that they suddenly have all these feelings for the ex. My feeling he wasn't honest with you about his in beginning. It was cruel of him to start something with you and then say he is thinking about his ex again. I don't think he was ready to start dating again when he started seeing you. Plus I think he is jerking you around and playing with your feelings. I think he also one of those guys who likes to say things that will hurt a woman's feelings. There are lotting of guys out there who get their kicks from hurting women. Stick with him and you will get more of the same. I hope he will just stay away from you now and just slither away and hide like snakes do.
R.I.
Well, that old saying goes like....All is fair in love. Don't try to read too much into the fact that he "changed his mind". He did contact you; and that is good. If you assume he is stringing you along, then that's what you'll get. If you assume wrong, then you may miss out on what "could have been" a good relationship.
Just focus on "being yourself". Life is much better that way. Don't just start dating others just because this one fell through. Date others because that is what YOU want to do. If you want to take a break and give him more time, that's fine, too. If he calls back later and wants to try again, then take it from there.
Being yourself is what makes you attractive to others. If someone else comes into your life, then this one missed out. Enjoy life and focus on that. Don't mope, don't analyze....as one that's been around awhile, just trust in life (fate, God, or whatever). One last quote is......If you love someone, set them free. If he/she comes back, he/she is yours. If he/she doesn't come back, it never was yours. Keep smiling and enjoy life. Trust me, life REALLY IS too short.