New here and looking foward to stay!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
New here and looking foward to stay!
7
Tue, 05-06-2003 - 5:20pm
Hi Everyone.

I was a member in divorceunder30 board and never visited this board ever before.I came here after suggesstion from Gail and I am glad about it.I was reading the posts and they all make sense.Esp the one about redflags.Its like..after you've been through it...its like...duh,why did I not see that before?I also read the post by Mark and its true,its up to us to be able to decide what is casual chatting and what has more depth.

About me..I am 27,not married anymore,but happy finally.I had a loooonggg sabbatical before resuming my interest in relationships.There is one person I'm particularly interested in.He is in another country(S.A.to be specific)and the relationship has just started.We are still testing the waters.I want to be careful as I think smart women(and men)make informed desicions.So I would like to be cautious and yet find the person I'm meant to be devoted to:)

I am in md presently and studying.btw Gail,I was in Brentwood ,Tn all of a month with my cousins...never knew you were from Tn too.

Take care evryone and thankyou Gail...love u :))

Anya
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Tue, 05-06-2003 - 5:32pm
Welcome Anya!! I am so glad you found us, and please post as often as you like. I cant believe you were right in my neck of the woods!! OMG! I work about 15 minutes from Brentwood. WOW!

I would say we can all agree with you about the Red Flags. It is almost like we know it, but we have to be reminded of it every now and again. Yes, when I read it myself, it was every relationship gone wrong and why in black and white. I can name several actually. lol anywho!!

Welcome to our board, Anya and feel free to give advice or get any advice you need. Marie is our other co-host and she is wonderful!! Thanks for joining us!!

Gail

Avatar for linds8300
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-06-2003 - 9:08pm
Welcome to the board Anya! We're more than happy to have another addition to the family. Online relationships are hard, but definately doable...there a several married couples on here to prove it! Hope you stick around and keep on posting!

Lindsay

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Avatar for jayecey
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-06-2003 - 10:23pm
Welcome to the Cyberconnections family Anya :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Tue, 05-06-2003 - 11:40pm
Hey everyone....

thanx.I did not know that there were couples married after online dating.That news is so encouraging.I am so happy to be here and just ask and question my doubts and tell anything.

-My first question for starters would be about the country.Most are used to dating in same country,so what would you say was diff for across the ocean?:)

Anya
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Wed, 05-07-2003 - 6:48am
Hi Anya..welcome aboard! And just like u i'm so happy finding this board too especially with great hosts..woo hoo ..and supportive members.

I'm into an overseas online relationship like Gail...I'm single,never been married and here in the Philippines while my sweety (divorced, got 2 kids) is in Michigan. We talk evryday, sent each other pics, talk on phone, video conferencing.....I dont think there's a lot of difference, only were at the other side of the map n can't meet/date right away for obvious reason.

In my opinion as long as u both know your serious about the relationship, happy and in love - i dont think anything could go wrong.... n' watch out for those red flags that i have posted.. :)

Regards ...jen

Avatar for neatdesign
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 05-07-2003 - 9:31am
Hi Anya -- like the others have said, welcome to our board.

Yes, people who meet online do sometimes marry. And international online relationships can work out, too. I'm one of a few people on here who are proof of both. I'm getting married next month to my man Mark, who is from the UK and emigrating to the States so we can build a life together here.

I've personally never been involved in an OLR with someone who was Stateside, so I can't honestly say whether international OLRs are different or not. But I would assume that they are, at least slightly. Aside from the overall distance, there's the time zone differences, and international phone rates to consider. Meeting can be difficult given the different standards for vacation time and holidays various countries may have. Being in different hemispheres (such as the US and SA) adds a twist to it as well. My one other OLR was with a guy from NZ, and when I had time to visit him during my summer, it was cold and wintry there, as the seasons are reversed. So that was a bit of a bummer...

And that doesn't even begin cultural differences. Even between cultures that are seemingly the same (like British and American culture), there are lots of subtle differences that take time to acclimate to as well. Vocabulary and slang is probably at the top of the list. Differences in moral standards and values also come into play. Personally I find it fascinating but some others may not like it so much.

All the usual precautions should be taken when meeting also. Just because someone is willing to travel thousands of miles to meet you in person does not automatically mean that person has pure intentions. Having been hanging around the US immigration scene for a while, you'd be surprised just how many people -- male and female alike -- are scammed by people who supposedly loved them but are really only interested in getting a green card.

Anyway... Those are just my two cents. Where in SA is he from? I visited SA a couple of years ago -- very pretty country, I wish I could've seen more of it.

~ Neat

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Wed, 05-07-2003 - 12:55pm
Thanx for all the responses.

I already feel right at home!!:)I guess I posted away questions as I had all these in my head before I found this board and now I just asked away.

I agree with the red flags as posted and am reading them,I aslo agree about the cultural differences.Though we both are from the same nationality,there will be differences in our upbringing.I'm most fluent in English and so is he.(Capetown in S.A....have you been there Neat?You have to tell me about it if you have,I've never been to S.A)

Dear deen33...about that age ques...its just a thought.Its like I worried that I was 26 and seperated and my marriage was only a few months...so what is wrong with me?I realise now that nothing is wrong but my self doubts then...I'm confident and happy now.So he isn't married and is single..I meant not what is wrong with him..but what is up?Just a thought among so many other thoughts....

About him being not married and no kids,I haven't checked it out as yet,I am therfore not rushing into this.

I'll be posting.....thanks

Anya