New here & pissed off

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
New here & pissed off
25
Sat, 03-05-2005 - 2:37pm

Hi Ladies-


I was given a head's up about this board by someone who was posting to

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2003
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 7:55am
That was a totally excellent post ! Ten very helpful reminders that all of us 'old' participants need to remember to apply when doing the 'old' scene. I think its important to keep these reminders fresh in our mind everytime we initiate contact with a new person. :) LM
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 9:06am
I agree, excellent post sunshine! For newbies and oldies alike.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 10:56am

Sunshine-


This is exactly what I need.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 11:44am

Hi Sparkle,

Glad I could help some, the more experience you get in doing OLD, the easier it will be for you. The main thing is NOT to have ANY expectations before you meet face to face, or even after until a few dates have passed, and even then be careful. I hated to become this way, as I am normally a very optimistic person who sees the best in everyone, but after doing OLD, you have to learn to do this in order to protect yourself from being hurt.

I think in traditional dating we get our hopes up also, and really probably should approach it in the same way in order not to be hurt so easily. The other thing to remember is that if a person rejects you, it may not be "you" as you, but all of us have preferences with say body type, hair color, personality type, etc. and when you meet that person you just may not appeal to his preferences, but that in no way means you are an inferior person - you just don't click with his particular preferences and likes...so it's his issue and not yours. And the same goes for you - they can look good on paper, but the face to face meeting is the true test of if there is interest there for either of you. Until the first meet is accomplished, don't get excited too much or dwell oon it too much. Just because you have a meeting with a guy, still keep others in the works also for setting up meetings.

Then you'll get times where you are interested and he isn't or vice versa. You think wow - this could be good! Then you never hear from him - and those times you CAN'T let it get to you - just think of it as a way to meet people that you would not otherwise have had the opportunity to meet. I just think of it as more exposure. Also, usually there is a reason why things don't work, I always feel, like he may have had quirks I really wouldn't have been able to live with, he may have been a pervert in reality, he might have been married, etc. So it was actually to my advantage that we didn't click. But each meet is a learning lesson that makes you smarter to the ways of OLD.

Yeah, things that aren't filled in are usually not filled in for a reason! Is there any reason not to state if you have kids or not - or what your marital status is??? I think not! I can see not filling in what your income is as I don't feel that's anyones business but my own, besides the guys who fill in the high amounts, I would bet many of them are exaggerating anyway in an effort to impress with "things"! So as with all of life, don't believe everything you read or everything you hear from these guys!

I think you are right in that your guy might not have finished college and it bothers him - but hey, many people haven't finished college and have done quite well in the world...it's certainly not for everyone. Also, some guys can be quite good with emailing or writing a profile, but suck in real life talking...learned that one the hard way...

Also trust your gut instincts, I have found mine are usually right on and the few times I have ignored them I usually have wished that I hadn't ignored them. The more you do OLD, the wiser you'll become about it!

Enjoy your day and group tonight...

Sunshine

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 9:33pm

Thanks Sunshine!

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