New to OLD-a few questions...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
New to OLD-a few questions...
Fri, 01-06-2012 - 2:23pm

I joined Match in November. Things were busy at first with lots of emails, winks, etc. and I thought this isn't so bad. I have been out with three men since then-first one-3 dinner dates, second one-coffee,third one-lunch. First an second guys I felt were a little pushy,but then I thought maybe I shoudn't be doing OLD if I don't want to get phsycial with these men.

Guy #1 -kissed me on first date, just did it, didn't ask, caught me off guard. Second date I was expecting it and was more receptive and he was going with it-it was just a kiss goodnight at my car, third date-kiss goodnight and then asked if he could come back to my place. I wsaid no. I don't know him that well yet and wasn't sure if there was chemistry for me. I amnot a prude, but I want to get to know someone before I sleep with them and I want to date them and do things with them to see if I really like them.I know it can take some time for feelings to develop so I didn't want to brush him off. Since date three, I haven't heard from him, which is okay, because I wasn't physically attracted to him and liked him as a friend.

Guy #2-went for coffee and he walked me to my car afterwards and went to kiss my good bye-he got my cheek. I was not interested.

Guy #3-lunch, very nice, didn't try anything, just a hug. Will see him again at least one more time because the first time is always a bunch of nerves.

So, my question is if I am lookign to meet someon to potentially have an relationship with and I want to start out dating and gettting to know one another by dong things-hiking, dinner, etc, before jumping in the sack-is OLD for me? From guys #1 and #2 I feel like they want to get right to the physical and I need to be there emotionally first.

Thanks for any advice.



iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Fri, 01-06-2012 - 3:44pm
In my opinion you should never apologize or have to defend for not sleeping with someone. It's your free will and your body so it's important you only do what you're comfortable with!

I think waiting is brilliant because it will weed out the men who are only looking for sex. If they walk away because you aren't sexually active with them I say good riddance!! It's the one who stays is the type of real man you so deserve.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 01-06-2012 - 3:59pm

I don't think there is anything that says that men who would do OLD are any more or less interested in quick sex than any other group of men you might meet--some are and some aren't.

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Fri, 01-06-2012 - 4:23pm

I agree with the other posters. This topic has been discussed a lot, and can I just say, I think the whole "three-date rule" is such a bunch of crap. Let's say you did go on three dates with a guy...should you be expected to get physically intimate with someone you've known a whole 12 hours? If casual sex is your thing, then more power to you, but I feel like women get pressured to become physical before they are comfortable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2011
Sat, 01-07-2012 - 1:50am

Never feel bad for wanting to wait-it's your body!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2007
Sat, 01-07-2012 - 1:20pm

I don't see anything wrong with a man kissing you good night on a first date and actually would kind of expect it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Sat, 01-07-2012 - 7:26pm


Hi. I think a big factor is what dating site

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Mon, 01-09-2012 - 2:01pm

I agree, there should not be a timeline, relationships all go at a different speed and you know when it is right. I am all for a kiss on the first date though :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Wed, 01-11-2012 - 5:43pm
I don't think that a kiss necessarily means that a guy is just looking for sex. I've had guys be very physically reserved because they didn't want to seem too horny (even tho they were), and guys who went for a peck on the cheek who didn't seem to know how to go farther.

Stick with your principles (or your common sense, which ever) Don't kiss someone you don't want to kiss. You can always pre-empt the kiss by offering a handshake. Not as warm but it sends a definite message.
Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Thu, 01-12-2012 - 1:31pm

I too agree with the others.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2007
Fri, 01-13-2012 - 9:11pm

funny, you don;t think about that.