New at Online

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2005
New at Online
16
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 2:43pm

Two weeks ago, I met a terrific woman online. After emailing each other once or twice daily for 4 days, we started talking on the phone. For the last 8 days, we have talked every night for 3 hours. She lives two hours away and we are meeting face to face this Saturday for the first time. We have emailed each other several pictures. This is a first for me!

Our conversations are excellent, we much in common, even small irrelevant stuff. From our conversations so far, we share the same point view, morals, values, etc.. I have been divorced for a little more than a year, married for 9 years. I NEVER wanted to get emotionally involved again, but I think it is happening.

Beside our phone calls, every morning she send a text message to my phone, just saying "good morning".

I guess my question is, is she really "into me". I have been out of the dating seen to long to really know. I am thinking she is, I am thinking she may have developed emotions for me, but we have not stated such, yet. No "I love you", "I miss you", or "I want you" type of stuff. I know she is counting down the days until we meet. Just curious for any advise and how I should handle/prepare for our first encounter this Saturday. Since we have talked do much on the phone, does that indicate anything? I guess she still could be a freak.

Thanks

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: tjones9611
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 4:29pm

There are SO many things that I could comment on here that are cause for alarm, but the overriding one is that you think ANYTHING real can be developed online or over the phone!!!! My jaw just drops to think anyone would expect an "I love you" from someone they have not only NEVER met in person, but have only "known" for two weeks.

How can she be "into" you if she has never MET you????

Meet, have lunch and maybe go for a walk (a first meet should be short...with the distance, a couple hours is ok, but that's it), and see how you hit it off in person. Then take it from there...IN PERSON.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
In reply to: tjones9611
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 4:44pm

I think you can be into someone even if you've never met. I have friends who I met online, talked every day with and have an emotional bond with. Obviously, when dealing with a romantic interest, you have to meet in person. But I definitely think you can be into who a person is without meeting them.


However, I do agree that two weeks on the phone should not constitute an "I love you."


To the original poster: Meet first. Don't put the cart before the horse. See if you have a connection in real life and go from there. (And then come back and let us know what happens!)


And, Welcome to the board! :o)


Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: tjones9611
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 4:51pm

Sure, if by "into them" you mean you are "into" the image of them you've created in your mind based on projection. But you have no idea if that projection is based in reality until you meet and spend a significant about of time with the person, IN PERSON.

FWIW, I think online friendships are just a completely different animal from online romantic relationships.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
In reply to: tjones9611
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 4:55pm

It's a HUGE mistake to expect any kind of real relationship after a few weeks of phone calls. You really don't know each other at all.

You may meet and there's zero chemistry - or you may meet and the rockets go off...even if that happens, you still don't have a relationship.

What's the rush?


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: tjones9611
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 5:24pm

Keep your emotions in check until you meet. As everyone has said, you can't really have a relationship or know someone until you have met in person. You might get along very well once you meet or you might decide there is no chemistry. Best bet is to keep expectations low (realistic) for BOTH of you. It sounds like she is getting a little attached too so both of you need to cool it a bit.

Good luck with your meet, I hope it goes well. You never know!

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2005
In reply to: tjones9611
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 7:20pm

Thanks. I appreciate everyone's comments. I do have very low expectations out of this, never had a glass half full. I was just curious for others opinions; is it was worth while to meet her. Fours hours on the road is pathetic if it appears to be a lost cause upfront.

Thanks again everyone. I will update on Sunday.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
In reply to: tjones9611
Tue, 12-06-2005 - 8:07pm

Good luck. Can't wait to hear about it now that my personal saga is over.

I know of two similar scenarios of long-distance online dating that had opposite results. In both cases, the people involved started calling each other "my girlfriend/boyfriend" before they ever met in person. I think they talked on the phone and emailed/IMed for at least a month. With the first couple, the guy gushed and gushed about how in love he was with a girl in New York (I'm in CA). He flew out to see her and upon seeing her lost interest. Unfortunately, she still had feelings for him and he broke her heart by leaving early and then never contacting her again.

With the other couple (also a bi-coastal) the pair eventually got married and recently had a child. Before they met in person they said they loved each other. She moved from CA to the east coast to be with them, and despite the protests of her family, she married him.

So these things can work out in unexpected ways. I think it all depends on what you're comfortable with. I can't have "feelings" for someone I've never met in person. To me it's weird, but again, it all depends on what you're comfortable with.

I hope there are no disappointments. Just keep your expectations reasonable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2005
In reply to: tjones9611
Sun, 12-11-2005 - 1:38pm

Well, Saturday night has come and gone. What an evening. What was supposed to be a two-hour drive, turned into 4! She only lives 80 miles away, but it is all back roads through small country towns. I got lost and turned around a minimum of four times as the sunset began to set. The drive was nice, very scenic through some mountains thick with trees and a small river flowing down into the valley.

After two hours into the drive, she calls to let me know her car is broke down a few miles from her house, but she had called a friend to pick her up and take her home. We hadn’t made definite plans for the evening, but I was counting on her driving since I was very unfamiliar with the area.

After fours of driving, passing 1,000 cows, several apple orchards, and many chicken coups, I finally arrive at her house. I called her just a few minutes before arriving, to ensure I was going in the correct direction, when I arrived in the drive way, she was there waiting on me. My heart stopped for a moment, she was amazingly beautiful. After the butterflies passed and I was able to breathe again, I stepped out of the car. I was unsure on how to greet her, but I was leaning towards a small hug. She walked up to me with her arms wide open. I’m not sure if I was showing it, but I felt my face was one big smile. We embraced each other, a close tight hug that lasted about 20 seconds.

We went inside the house and talked for 30 minutes while I stretched and loosened up from the drive. She rarely made eye contact and the conversation was just filler. There was much laughter, grinning, and smiling. She was so beautiful; it was hard not to stare into her eyes, her smile. But since she wasn’t making much eye contact, I forced myself to look away as not to make her feel uncomfortable. We decided to go see a movie in a nearby town. At this point, I was uncertain if she was having a good time or not.

We get to the movie, get our drinks and popcorn, and then get seated. After about 10 minutes into the movie, I place my hand on her knee. As soon as I do, I could sense she got tense. I wasn’t sure if it made her nervous, uncomfortable, or what. She sat with one foot on the floor and her other leg was crossed in the seat, with her hands in between her legs. She was as motionless as the Mona Lisa. Since she didn’t pull the knee away, I thought I would leave it there a minute or two to see how she would react. She never moved, never seemed to relax or feel comfortable with it, so I removed it. We sat through the movie, laughing and smiling. The movie sucked!!

When the movie ended, we went back to her place. The drive was pleasant, filled with laughter and small talk. When we pulled into the driveway, she opened the door to get out and I began to wonder what to do? Should I just leave now? She hadn’t asked me in? I thought, well, I have talked to the roommate on the phone; I’m going to go inside and just say hi to her. I go in, we all talk for a few minutes, the roommate goes to the den with her boyfriend, and we are alone. I know we are both nervous, but I still couldn’t tell if she was having fun. She was making much more eye contact now, flipping her a little. Since it was nearly 10 and it took me four hours to get there and I wasn’t sure on how she felt, I decided to go ahead and leave. When I told her I need to leave, she said’ “Awwe” and sighed. I reached out to hug her goodbye in the house. Again, it was a very tight embrace by both. While in the hug, the started rubbing my lower middle back. I couldn’t let go, it felt amazing. As she followed me out side, she said, “ Call me sometime, call me tomorrow, call me anytime”. Now that I was leaving, I started to think; maybe she was having a good time. I got in the car, and began the long drive home. The drive back was much faster, only an hour and a half.

This morning, at 8:30, she texts me, “I had fun last night, I wish you could have stayed longer”. I replied back saying “Me to, but I was unsure if you were having fun and plus the long drive in the middle of the night.” She replied back saying “You should have asked”. That made me laugh, I could just imagine me asking, “do you want me to leave”. We talked a little while on the phone and I told her I would call her back tonight.

Much more than you ever wanted to know, but I wanted to say thanks to everyone. I almost backed out of going, but I thought even if there is no chemistry "in person", it will be fun, I always have fun.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: tjones9611
Sun, 12-11-2005 - 2:15pm

Let me ask you something...do you honestly think that a woman who has so little regard for her personal safety that she invites a total stranger to come to her HOUSE out in the middle of nowhere is a good bet as an emotionally healthy partner for a relationship????

There's so much else I could comment on but that's the main thing that jumped out at me.

Sheri

Avatar for travkitty
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2003
In reply to: tjones9611
Sun, 12-11-2005 - 2:18pm
I wouldn't judge her just based on that, NWW, but it IS a red flag I think he needs to keep in mind as he continues to interact with her. I once invited a guy to my place for a first meet (totally stupid, I admit) and we ended up together for 3 years. Granted, I was much younger, more immature & naive back then....I'd never do that now.

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