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new to online dating
| Sat, 05-20-2006 - 6:00pm |
Okay, so I met two guys in person so far. The first one didn't look anything like his picture,and he smelled really bad, like he has never showered in his life. Then the other guy was a little overweight but something about his eyes really turned me on. We got together again last night, He lives alone, and we just cuddled a bit and watched TV. I normally wouldn't do that, but he lives in the next town from me, and lives in an apartment in a family house in a very nice area. I knew he wasn't interested in a serious relationship, and I said I wasn't either, being newly divorced. I also know that the man should do all the calling, so I will not call and email him, I will wait for him to do that. It's just that now I have that sunken feeling in my heart, like heartbreak. I thought we really clicked, but he seemed to cool off last night. Maybe he was just tired, but I don't know. At one point I asked him when his birthday is, because his sign is just one month ahead of mine. And he told me, but he didn't ask when mine was, which hurt me a bit. then when I was leaving, he didn't ask me to ring his phone so he could check if I got home safely. I am heartbroken. I know not to call him, but I still have that heartbroken feeling.

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So I am confused. You stated that you are not interested in a "serious" relationship and have agreed with Guy #2 that both of you do not want one. So I am puzzled about being heartbroken after one date and not wanting to be serious.
I suspect that you are aware intellectually knowing that it is not wise to be in a relationship that is romantic but emotionally you have a need to be wanted/desired/cared for, an understandable thing after a divorce.
Take care
Mark
Heartbroken??? I'm sorry, maybe I'm missing something, but if I'm reading your post correctly, you've had 2 dates with this man. How can you be heartbroken over someone you barely know?
Can you clarify? Because it sounds to me like you might not be in a good place emotionally to be dating, if you're truly feeling heartbroken.
Sheri
Before my husband and I split, we took turns sleep on the couch for a year, so the possibility of having someone hold me again and care for me was a nice feeling. And after we met, he sounded like he liked me so much.
For me to place what to expect from someone that I don't really know is setting myself up for disappointment. Your example of calling to see if you got home safe is something that I certainly don't think of and I consider myself as a very caring man. I have both women and men friends and none of us ask to call.
I did not read that he explicitly said how he cared about you as you seem to have read into by his behavior. The point of dating is to get to know each other over time. The first or second time does not really count for most couples.
It sounds that you are at a really vulnerable place and are looking for some caring and loving for now. It seems you interpret his physical/sexual behavior with some emotional attachment. This is still too early to have that.
Make sense?
Take care,
Mark
She *could* call him...but then if he responds favorably, she wouldn't know for sure if he's really interested, or just being polite. I'm in that situation now and it really sucks...we're going out on our 3rd date today but I really don't have any idea if he's really interested or just reacting to my interest in him, because I've prodded him into calling me rather than him initiating the calls and I wish I hadn't done that.
So that's my primary reason for not calling or emailing a guy early on. You just don't know if a guy's really interested if you initiate the contact.
It's interesting going through this while also dating someone who is clearly VERY interested in me and who doesn't hesitate to show it through frequent calls and dates that he initiates (for the most part--I would call him but I don't have to because he's always calling me ;-)). I do like the guy I'm seeing today but if he doesn't step up his actions to show me his interest level soon, he's going to miss out.
Sheri
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