new to online dating

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2005
new to online dating
24
Sat, 05-20-2006 - 6:00pm
Okay, so I met two guys in person so far. The first one didn't look anything like his picture,and he smelled really bad, like he has never showered in his life. Then the other guy was a little overweight but something about his eyes really turned me on. We got together again last night, He lives alone, and we just cuddled a bit and watched TV. I normally wouldn't do that, but he lives in the next town from me, and lives in an apartment in a family house in a very nice area. I knew he wasn't interested in a serious relationship, and I said I wasn't either, being newly divorced. I also know that the man should do all the calling, so I will not call and email him, I will wait for him to do that. It's just that now I have that sunken feeling in my heart, like heartbreak. I thought we really clicked, but he seemed to cool off last night. Maybe he was just tired, but I don't know. At one point I asked him when his birthday is, because his sign is just one month ahead of mine. And he told me, but he didn't ask when mine was, which hurt me a bit. then when I was leaving, he didn't ask me to ring his phone so he could check if I got home safely. I am heartbroken. I know not to call him, but I still have that heartbroken feeling.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2005
Sun, 05-21-2006 - 8:57pm
I just wish I knew what to do. If he said he wants to take it slow, maybe he is waiting a few days to call. I think he may be mad that I dozed off, we were sitting there relaxed, and he said I fell asleep. Could he be insulted? I don't know. He seemed to be in a hurry to get rid of me, ok well not really, but that's how I felt.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 9:19am

I wouldn't call him - I totally agree with Sheri - in my experience an interested guy always calls - they just do. And if they aren't really that interested and are content to let you go unless you make the effort - why bother wasting any more time? Just sit tight.. If the guy is offended that you fell asleep, is that really somebody that you would want to date?

Coolas

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 10:19am

I don't think there are any right or wrong answers. You just need to do what feels right for you. If contacting him would make you feel really bad if he didn't contact you again, then you probably shouldn't. However, if it wouldn't make you feel worse but give you closure or something, I say go for it. One thing about it, feelings usually only last for awhile, then we can get ourselves back-up and brush ourselves off. It all depends on you. Anyway, why would you think he isn't interested?

There have been a couple of times I've had concerns about the guy I've been writing and calling back and forth with. Sometimes when he's been slow to email me I've written and "explained" something I said. One time I think it made a difference. There's a saying, "Agree with your enemy quickly while you are still in the way with them." I'm using the term enemy loosely here, but basically anyone we might have a misunderstanding, etc. with. I put myself out there, but only as much as I feel I can afford. It's unusual for me to really be interested in a guy, so it's been kind of fun thinking to myself ''I really like this guy and hope he likes me. Sometimes a person just has to leave it at that. Bottom line, be yourself and only put as much out there as you're comfortable with. Remember, interest sparks interest in the other many times. I dated one guy for awhile that said I interested him because I seemed interested in him. I was the one to break it off in the end. There just aren't any hard and fast rules of the heart that I know of. Have fun and good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2006
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 10:52am
I remember feeling exactly like you sound like you are feeling when I first got involved in the OLD thing. I overanalyzed every word and thing I could have or could not have done. All it got me was a lot of worry. I know you may have to go through some of the same lessons but maybe you can save yourself some of the time and misery. It really is true that if someone isn't interested in you it's not worth wasting time and energy wondering why. There can be a million reasons and you will never really know which one or ones it may be anyway. It is just as likely it has something to do with them as with you. Try to see each of these experiences as a way to learn a little something more about the process, other people and most importantly about yourself. Not that you necessarily need to change but what you really want and what you are willing to do to get it. Good luck!

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