New to online dating advice please...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2005
New to online dating advice please...
23
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 7:42pm

Hi everyone. Just checking in, hoping to learn from all of you. 2 big questions first, what service do you use? Trying to figure out which ones are better. Second, and I have been debating this with friends of mine. What would you consider to be the definitions of "Full Figured" and "Big and Beautiful"???

Thanks!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 7:59pm

Hey Kandice, welcome to the OLD board!

I use Match.com and have for the last 3-4 months. I have at one time used Yahoo Personals, but found the folks on there kind of icky and creepy (not that there aren't some of the same on Match). I used eharmony but found they were waaaaay overpriced for a service that did not allow me to view people's pictures. They gave me totally useless matches.

I guess my definition for full figured and big and beautiful would be that they are the same thing, just worded differently. One of the probs with OLD is that body definitions can be totally subjective. What is average for one person is curvy for another. What is full figured for one means just big boobs for another....it's hard to define those kinds of terms. (Crap, can I say "boobs" on here?!?!?)

There are a lot of great archives here, info, advice, and support!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Fri, 02-11-2005 - 9:07pm

I'm on Match for approximately 1 year as it seems to be popular in my area.

Since nobody knows what full figured means, I strongly recommend 3 photos - head, body, candid. The clearer the photo the better. Avoid the "vaseline on the lense" shot.

Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 12:27am

(Wow, no kidding! You can say boobs AND crap on here!!)

I've used yahoo, match, americansingles and lavalife. Liked americansingles best for the search/match features, but selection was lacking. Yahoo has mostly been good for me. I didn't like match.com much at all. I flat-out hated lavalife but others love it. But as we've discussed a lot around here, a lot depends on your geography, some sites seem to have better selection in different areas. Try a few sites and take advantage of the features they offer for free, set up your profile, pick your criteria and do some searches. That's really the only way to get a feel for which site(s) fit you best. There's also a board website including FAQ, linked from the main page. Good luck, have fun, be yourself, and check out the wise advice around here!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 6:05pm

>>2 big questions first, what service do you use?<<

I mainly use Match.com. They have the most women signed up in my age/distance range. I have also been signed up on American Singles, Matchmaker, Yahoo, Perfect Match, and eHarmony in the past (this is over several years off and on, mind you.) I wind up sticking with Match just for the numbers.
.

>>What would you consider to be the definitions of "Full Figured" and "Big and Beautiful"???<<

When I see these terms, this is what *I* think:

"Full Figured": Overweight.
"Big and Beautiful": Overweight.

For that matter, here's a few more things that I have noticed:

"Curvy": Probably overweight, but sometimes not
"Average": Sometimes overweight, but less often than "curvy"
"Athletic and toned": Frequently an excuse for overweight

Body size/shape/type is totally subjective and there are no standards that are commonly accepted. What one guy thinks is "overweight" another guy might think is fine and yet another guy might think is a tad underweight. Same goes for women looking at men.

LG's suggestion is probably the best; post a full body shot that gives a reasonably decent idea of what your body is like, and then you don't have to worry about it as much.

As long as we're on the ugly subject of weight (which some people get really upset and defensive about, naturally) I'll go ahead and lay out my personal definitions.

First of all, the average American is overweight. The American Medical Association and other groups usually find, in studies, that about 65% of Americans are either overweight or obese.

To me, "full figured" and "big and beautiful" are both overweight; "B&B" suggests obesity, while "full figured" suggests overweight but not yet obese. To me, "curvy" is a woman who's definitely kind of big-hipped and big-boobed, but not overweight. She might be right on the edge, but not there yet.

A great example would be everyone's favorite psycho hose beast, Anna Nicole Smith. She was "curvy" the first time she was in Playboy; then she went to "full figured" and in the past few years was going into "B&B" territory. Her recent diet plan thing got her back down to "full figured".

(Her recent drug/alcohol use has gotten her to Pluto. When someone only has a severely limited number of functioning brain cells to start with, why do they insist on trying to kill off the ones that are left?)

IMO, "Curvy" is overused. If a woman has rolls, that's not "curvy". Just because she's got big boobs doesn't mean she's "curvy". To me, "curvy" suggests a waist that is smaller than the hips.

Body type/weight is such a sticky subject... I'll probably get jumped on for a few things here, but I don't really care. Americans are too defensive about their weight, and excuse too much. As a nation, we're too darned fat, and that's just all there is to it. Men, women, kids... we're all too fat, on average.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 11:00pm

NGOL, I'm dying to know: You seem to like pointing out that "Americans are all overweight" and that we're all defensive and in denial about it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Sat, 02-12-2005 - 11:14pm

Good rant, CGUN. I am pretty sick and tired of the body-type discussions everywhere. I have been fortunate in my life to have met many men who were good, kind, smart, funny and who loved my body as they found it. I truly feel sorry for weight-obsessed men. They are stuck living half a life.

BTW, I think (in an absolutely non-lez way) you are extremely adorable.

amjay

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 1:36am

CGUN... no need to apologize. It's a good rant, and a pretty fair question. :)

No, I'm not a hardbody. I've never been one of those folks for whom weight is a big struggle, but I'm not a hardbody gymrat guy, either.

I can't "eat whatever I want"; if/when I do, I gain weight. You can't see my abs, but most of the time I'm in pretty decent shape. But yeah, I definitely have some excess fat, so you can lose the image of the rail-thin marathon guy sitting here.

My BMI is usually in the high teens to around 20ish. (25 is overweight.) My body fat % ranges from 15 to 19. I'm right smack in the middle of healthy- not hard, but definitely not too big, either.

The thing about the weight issue being in the media all the time... I don't think it is. I think whenever the weight subject comes up, yes, the coverage is overwhelmingly negative- as it should be, since the news is pretty bad in the USA.

Of course, we can see that by now, like you say we ALL KNOW that there's a lot of overweight people. Yet we don't seem to care enough about it to actually DO something. (And yeah, I'm not just talking about those who're over; it's up to all of us to create an environment which is healthy and positively supports everyone in a goal of getting healthier.)

I read women complaining that men want some idealized Barbie doll, with 42 inch chest, 22 inch waist, etc. Well, I don't want that! :)

I've dated very thin women with A cups and much bigger women who were DDs, and everything in between. At this point in my life, though, I know enough about me that I'm not going to accept someone who's overweight or obese.

Just as I think it's perfectly okay to say "I refuse to date a smoker", I think it's perfectly okay to say "I refuse to date a woman who weighs more than me, or a woman who's overweight or obese."

We all have preferences and having them doesn't make us shallow, nasty, bad people, any more than being someone who struggles with weight issues is somehow supposedly a shallow, nasty, bad person. People can practice the character assasination all they want, but it's silly.

I think your post sums up the situation perfectly, actually. We collectively know that we have some weight we should probably lose, but we aren't motivated enough to do it... yet. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2004
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 7:59am

I want proof! What's your match username? I dare you to put it on here.

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 10:02am

I'm with CGUN on this one!

Linda
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2003
Sun, 02-13-2005 - 11:32am

Two years ago, I was 5'2" (well, I'm still 5'2") and pushing 160 pounds. So, I figured that was why I wasn't having any luck on OLD. It took me 7 months, but I dropped 48 pounds. And guess what? They didn't like me any better at 112 than they did at 160, so it must have been something else. Go figure. Unfortunately, I put 30 of it back on, but I am working on getting it off again.

Can I start my own rant? Why is it that guys state in their profile that they will date someone of any race or ethnicity, but they wouldn't touch anyone over the age of 40 with a 10 foot pole? That really frosts my bippie....are we really THAT undesireable?

ABM

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