New with a question
Find a Conversation
New with a question
| Sun, 08-13-2006 - 11:09am |
Hi,
I'm new to this board and to online dating. I just put up my profile last night...a total whim. And now I'm worried that someone I know (especially my xbf) will find my profile. I didn't use my real name, but I'm still worried because I put my picture up on match.com. I still work with my xbf, so I will just die if he finds my profile, because his views on OLD are that only desperate people do it. I don't feel that way, and I'm certainly not desperate, but as a single mom who works full time I don't get out there that much. What are the chances of someone you know stumbling upon your profile (and yes, xbf WILL look for it!)? Has anyone here had that happen to them? If so, how did you handle it?
Thanks!

Well, I found my ex-husband's profile, and I've found one or two professional acquaintances, so definitely people do find people they know IRL on OLD. I assume that people who know me have seen me (and am careful not to say anything on my profile that would embarrass me). But what would your boyfriend be doing checking out OLD if he is not interested in it?
We need to get over this idea that only losers do OLD. If someone else has this idea, they are wrong.
If you are not a paying user, however, and all you want to do is be able to browse through the site, I would "hide" my profile or at least remove my picture. No point in advertising availability before you are realing wntering the game.
Elsa
For me I say "so what?" if anyone sees me online on a personals website. For godsake, they have made movies with people doing that (You've Got Mail and Must Like Dogs). Anyway what is HE doing looking at the website?
I am at an age where I do not let others dictate what I want to do with my life. I've done that most of my life and learned that it just makes me miserable (especially in my marriage) and found that people like me better for who I really am.
Mark
I've been in your position too. Yes, it's awkward, thinking that someone you know (heaven forbid your ex) sees you online...but you know what? If he says something to you about it, HE WAS GUILTY OF LOOKING!
So in essence...who cares? :)
Putting an ad online is a surefire way to meet more people without having to spend time in a bar or some cheesy nightclub. Lots of great and interesting people (like yourself) use it and best of all... it does work.
So have fun with it and don't stress over what your ex might be thinking. Like I said, if he's got the nerve to say something, he's confessing to using those sites for himself as well!
Thanks - you guys have made me feel a little better. I'm not even doing this seriously - just a sort of "who knows?" kind of thing. Emily, like you I am also waiting until marriage to have sex (my friends all tease me because I'm a "born again virgin"), but I see now that I have to update my profile to add that so it's out there up front.
Also, can anyone tell me what to expect? I mean my profile has been up for less than a day and I have 10 winks. Most of the guys actually seem promising, but I didn't expect so much so soon. It's a little overwhelming. How do you manage? I've never been able to date more than one guy at a time. If I start contacting several guys, how do I keep it all straight? And what is the deciding factor in taking the next step and meeting face to face?
Ok, first, you totally don't have to update your profile to say that. I'm just basically lazy - and want to rule out men who will have issues with that right off the bat. Sheer laziness is all it is. It's up to you whether you want ot put it in your profile.
Second, yeah, it can be overwhelming. For me, it's overwhelming when I get some many replies and most of them don't have anything interesting to say. I used to delete them, but lately I've been giving them a chance. Just realize that meeting a guy doesn't mean you're dating him - it's honestly pretty easy to meet multiple men.
As for the deciding factor on when to meet, I'm of the opinion that you meet as soon as you realize you might hit it off. I skip the phone stage, too. It's way too easy to build false intimacy online, and I just avoid that whole problem by meeting men asap. Some people disagree with that, but it works for me.